Someday my nose will honk at seven-thirty

Five Evil Things Clowns Haven't Done (yet):

1. Turning the entire world's supply of cheese into vinyl. (They might have started on some of that rubbery "fat free" cheese. It's hard to tell.)

2. Barricading your door with a giant pile of really big shoes

3. Discovering how many lawyers can fit in a Volkswagen-- on a hot July day with the windows up and the A.C. broken. (The jury's still out on whether or not this actually qualifies as "evil".)

4. Secretly putting round red noses on you while you sleep, and honking them right before your alarm clock goes off

5. Bribing world leaders into making big rainbow wigs mandatory for anyone over 40
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Just in case you're still thinking about the rainbow wig thing, I've taken the liberty of poorly and hastily photoshopping eight people from the "over 40" crowd so you can see what they will look like after clowns take over the world.
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Today's "Thursday Thirteen" was in a 5+8 format... Just thought I'd point that out.

If you're a fan of any of these people, please don't hurt me. In fact, I should probably point out that I like some of them too.
Let's see.... I like... three of them. Maybe four.
I'll let you decide which ones.

And... I just realized I'm turning forty next year, which means I'd better start shopping for my wig now.
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It's what I do

I had Friday off, and of course I have Saturday and Sunday off.
Friday's winter storm made it unwise to go out driving around for no reason, so.... I've been sitting here at home, slowly marinating in my bathrobe, trying to maintain a semi-reasonable level of sanity.
Here are some things I've done to keep myself busy:

1. Feebly attempt to keep the cats from wrecking the place. I only had limited success with this one. They laughed in my general direction, and I still felt compelled to feed them anyway. This is known as "being a sucker cat lover".

2. Respond to blog comments, wondering if people ever actually go back and read what I said.

3. Consider creating a new language, through which I may communicate with radishes and porcupines. They might have the solution to global warming. Or they can at least tell me what happened to all the socks I keep losing.

4. Made more flair for that Facebook thingy.

5. Wonder if it's possible to make a cake shaped like a bottle of hand sanitizer... and if anyone has ever tried to do so, and what the occasion was. ("Congratulations, Billy, on being slightly-less-germy for a whole month now!")

6. Craved a really good mushroom-and-swiss burger... with a dish of macaroni and cheese on the side. I craved it so much that I briefly considered actually making it myself. :)
Then, of course, I came to my senses, and went back to talking to the radishes.
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Full of Flair.... or something like that

Facebook has this thing called Flair, or "Get Flair," or something like that.
It's where you send friends these round shiny buttons with fun pictures or sayings on them.
People had been sending them to me for a few months before I finally decided to add the application last night.
I had fun browsing through the variety of things I could send people.

And then I noticed that it's possible to upload your own artwork and make your own shiny cyber-buttons with your own sayings on them.
I couldn't resist.

See? You upload the artwork and it changes it into cute shiny glassy little buttons. You then use those buttons to annoy all your friends at once and distract them from all the important things they really should be doing instead.

It's great fun. I highly recommend it, if you're the type of person who enjoys nonsense for no reason.

Here are some more I made:




So, if you're browsing around the Facebook "Flair" thingy, and you see those, you can point excitedly and shout "Oooh! Janna made that!"
If friends or family or co-workers happen to be nearby, try to convince them it's really important.
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Manic Monday: Light

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Manic Monday: Season

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Just think of the possibilities.
Go on, try it.
I dare you.
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One down, twelve to go

Thirteen things to do when I get bored

1) Photoshop a zebra's head onto a cat's body

2) Throw penguins at people who are facing northeast

3) Move to Canada

4) Buy a new toilet plunger and name it "Lucky"

5) Make quilts out of poison ivy (Note to self: Wear gloves)

6) Marry expired coupons to each other in elaborate ceremonies

7) Do etch-a-sketch drawings of the molecular structure of chocolate

8) Drink a gallon of tea and try to pee my name into the driveway before a car drives by

9) Find out the maximum number of prunes I can eat (Note to self: Buy "Lucky" first)

10) Loudly admire giant pickles in the grocery store

11) Mail skunks to disgruntled postal workers

12) Play "ring toss" using old bicycle tires and random people on the street

13) Pick three commenters at random and stalk them until next Wednesday
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Shot or clubbed, either one....

The queen of clubs
Liked pizza subs
And all their savory taste

The knave of clubs
Ate veggie subs
And had a smaller waist

... which is why he must be shot.
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. (with apologies to Lewis Carroll)

You can almost smell the fertilizer....

Since I can't actually keep plants or flowers alive in person, I might as well just photoshop myself with them instead. I made a floral banner (without the faces) too.
Can you find all five Jannas in this picture?

This almost makes me look cheerful.
(Note to self: Be extra curmudgeonly tomorrow.)
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Janna's Revolution...

Mountain Dew has three new flavors.

They're called Revolution, Supernova, and Voltage.

Apparently Mountain Dew is having this "Vote for your favorite flavor" thingy. Their site is called "Dewmocracy."

Warning: The page loads up with this annoying music. They took perfectly good classical-type music and adulterated it by merging it with hip-hop. Sort of like Mozart after a horrifying nuclear accident. (It reminds me of Clarke's Trumpet Voluntary combined with... with... [insert name of hip-hop artist here].)

Anyway, I bought a bottle of one of the flavors and am about to try it for the very first time. I'll blog about my impressions immediately afterward!

The flavor I chose was "Revolution."

The soda is light blue, and the label says "Dew infused with wild berry fruit flavor and ginseng."

Ready?

Here we go!

I'm opening the bottle....

Taking my first sip...

Hmmm...

The initial flavor is not very eventful. Nothing like the citrusy BURST that regular Dew has.

The berry flavor is only truly noticeable in the aftertaste. You sort of have to drink it, then exhale... then your mouth fills up with the intended flavor.

Kind of blueberry-ish.

I like blueberries. No complaints there. Blueberries are one of my absolute favorite fruits.

So the flavor is ok..... I just wish it was more intense up front, during that initial taste.

I also think the color is rather pale. It's a very light blue, almost clear. Not bright or festive at all. Just sort of plain.

Final verdict: Eh. It's ok. I might buy it again, just for the blueberry aftertaste.

I plan on trying the other two flavors and doing posts about them as well.

Oh, and in case you're still thinking about Mozart in a horrifying nuclear accident, here's what he would look like with five eyes:

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Bite me, John Philip Sousa

I made this today, after seeing all the %$#@%^ marches we're going to be playing in our next concert.
No one will get the joke except for people who play the french horn, but that's ok. Please offer sympathy anyway. And maybe some sedatives.

Manic Monday: Can

Manic Monday: Carol

I'm just guessing here, but I think if Dick Cheney's first name had been "Carol" instead, people would keep mistaking him for Carol Channing, and it would annoy him even more than he's already annoyed.

"No, I'm not going to sing any &*%$#@$ show tunes for you bastards; I'm Carol CHENEY, not Carol Channing! Bite me! All you people can just kiss my ass!"

And then he would fantasize about raising our taxes.
He might also shoot some of us.

Consider yourself forewarned:

THIS

PLUS THISEQUALS THIS.

(So, after the first amendment gets abolished, and I go to federal prison for photoshopping that picture, you're all going to come visit me, right?)
Bring cookies.
I like cookies.
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Manic Monday on my other blogs:
Jantics: Parody of a christmas carol
Jantrails: Wessonality Disorder
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...And I'll be there around 7:00

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New banner and background

As you can see, I've been toying around with my banner and background again. The photoshop bug has really bitten me these past few weeks; I've been in the mood to create all sorts of pictures and things. It was only a matter of time before I made a new template!
If any of you happened to stop by early this morning, you might have noticed a brief "pink stripes and roses" phase I had.
Yeah, that lasted about ten minutes.
Then I decided I definitely wanted something different. So I went with the blue "raindrop" theme. What do you think?
I also made the template a little wider. Can you still see it ok? It looks fine on my screen, which is currently at 1280 X 1024. Let me know if it looks really screwed up for you, or if it's too big.

OLD template:
NEW template:

My entries for Bee's contest

Bee, over at the lovely blog known as Muffin53, started a contest awhile back which involved photoshopping her picture. She wanted to see how many ways we could use photoshop to hide her double chin.
Here are the pictures we got to start with:
(She looks so nice, I like her already!)

Click HERE and HERE to see the ideas that some of her other readers submitted.
What fun!
I love this kind of stuff!

So, here we go. I warned told Bee that I was excited about trying my own Photoshop experiments. She said she was excited to see what I could come up with, so hopefully she'll think these are ok!

First, just for fun, I turned her into Santa (hey, she said she wanted us to hide the chin, and Santa's beard is the perfect thing!)Then I worked at really doing what she asked for: Photoshopping out the double chin.
Here's what I came up with:

As you can see, I took the liberty of adding a new hairstyle and changing some contours here and there too. (Hope that's ok, Bee.)
Then I remembered she said she wanted to be blond, so I tried that:
Then, just for fun, I decided we needed to see the "new" Bee as Xena the Warrior Princess.
(Hopefully this won't traumatize her grandchildren too badly).
So, Bee, whaddya think? :)

It's a twister! It's a twister!

Yesterday over at Bagwine Ruminations, Matt-man said he frequently dreams about tornadoes.
I merely connected the dots....
And now it all makes sense. :)

The photoshopping of Morgen

The craziness continues.
Here are all the ones I've done (that he's posted) so far:

Elvira
Cher
The Cat In The Hat
Chewbacca
Wonder Woman
Ronald McDonald
Bigfoot
Wicked Witch Of The West
Glinda
Winnie The Pooh
Dolly Parton
Louise Jefferson
The Incredible Hulk
Ursula the Sea Witch
Egyptian Pharaoh
The Tin Man
Ariel the Little Mermaid

You can see all of them by clicking HERE.

See, this is why I haven't gotten the 'Bestest Blog' award; I've been too busy putting the really good stuff on OTHER people's sites! :)
Thank You, to all of you who have offered 'costume' suggestions. Feel free to keep the ideas coming.

Colorful Morgen

"Hot off the presses" of my photo-editing software....
We all knew Morgen was a colorful person anyway, right?
... I know, I know, I have too much time on my hands. :)

Even demented people need a little creative help now and then

Those of you who read It's A Blog Eat Blog World are probably aware that I've been photoshopping Morgen's pictures to put him in various "costumes" lately. It's tons of fun and it keeps my twisted demented mind busy.

I'm ready to take requests! What should Morgen look like next? What famous character should he be?

Here are links to what I've done so far:

The Tin Man from The Wizard Of Oz

Egyptian Pharaoh

Ursula (from The Little Mermaid)

Ariel (from The Little Mermaid)

There are also other pictures I sent him which he hasn't posted yet. (Stay tuned!)

But I'm in the mood to make more, and would love to hear your suggestions.

Be silly! Be creative! Be crazy! What should the next "Morgenization Project" be?