Do they make pens for that?

For the past few weeks, construction-type guys have been renovating the parking lot outside the place where I work.  We're getting new planters, new sidewalks, new lightpoles, new brick walkways, and new asphalt for the actual parking lot.
I've had numerous opportunities to imprint all sorts of things in wet cement, and have chickened out every time.

Top 10 things I could have written in the wet cement:

1.  "If only you'd been here an hour earlier."

2.  "Never trust anyone who doesn't love bacon."

3.  "Kiss me before you walk all over me."

4.  "In case of extreme stress, hit head here."

5.  "In another universe, you would taste like chicken."

6.  "Can I borrow 20 bucks?"

7.  "Anxiety smells like fake nachos.  No, wait; I'm thinking of Doritos."

8.  "What's that under your toenails?"

9.  "Please present this coupon for one free hug."

10.  "http://jannaverse.blogspot.com"

Australia... you never told us!

Thanks, I think

Due to popular demand*, you will all be glad to know that I am not going vegan this week.

Instead, I'll be focusing my time and attention on other tasks, like....

Um...

Like...

Well, I can't really think of anything to do besides sit here and breathe.
But that's good enough to occupy me for awhile.
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*  P.S.  By "popular demand", I mean exactly two people posted an opinion.  Thanks, nonamedufus and Grace.  You're both awesome.  Thanks to you, I can eat bacon this week.

I don't understand this, but I dare you to think of a good caption for it.

In case you weren't sure...

Source:  here
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Various Thoughts

1.  Today I resisted the urge to imprint any of my body parts in fresh wet cement.  It was a hard choice, since I don't get to see fresh wet cement all that often.  Maybe the next time I have the opportunity, I'll be 90 years old, and any imprints I leave will have a ton of wrinkles.

2.  I want to make a bracelet for myself.  Anybody have any suggestions what color it should be?

3.  Also, I am foolishly considering going vegan for a few days.  Yes, this despite my previous assertions that I would never, ever inflict that on myself ever again.  It would be lovely if you guys would please try to talk me out of it.  Hurry.  I might start on Monday.

Wordless Wednesday

Things that taste worse than soy cheese:

1.  Giraffe liver
2.  Motor oil
3.  Swollen lymph nodes
4.  Luwak coffee
5.  The armpit sweat of a construction worker on a tropical island
6.  Caterpillars
7.  The spleens of all the people who are thinking "How do you know?  Have you ever tried giraffe liver and motor oil?"

Wordless Wednesday

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Beware of soy in cheese clothing

Today I tried soy cheese for the first time ever.
I'm hoping it was also my last time ever.

I tried three different kinds: "mozzarella" flavor, "pepperjack" flavor, and "smoked provolone" flavor.

It tasted like cheese in much the same way that doormats taste like steak.

It dawned on me that it would technically be possible for someone to eat a soy burger with soy cheese on a soy flour bun.
I don't want to know if there's such a thing as soy ketchup and soy mustard.

My advice is just to eat sensible amounts of real cheese and real cows.  It tastes better, it's cheaper, and you won't have to spend ten awkward minutes trying to get the taste out of your mouth.

This sort of explains why I haven't posted in a few days.
Well, ok, actually it doesn't explain a thing.
But hopefully it still makes you wonder.

I wonder if they heard ominous music playing beforehand...

I hope they can read....

And why isn't my present gift-wrapped?

If the future can't be proven because it hasn't happened yet, and the past can't be proven because it no longer exists, then why does traffic consist primarily of the following people:

1.  People driving exceptionally fast so they can hurry up and make it to something that's happening soon in the future

2.  People driving exceedingly slowly so they can linger in the past as long as possible, thereby avoiding any future activities until the last possible moment?

Additional note:
It's possible I may have drank WAY too much caffeine today.

Wordless Wednesday