Friday, October 17, 2014

The downside of Free WiFi in a public place

What I learned today:

No matter how loud you have the headphones turned up with "Relaxing Piano Music" pouring through them, it can not even come close to drowning out the sound of a spoiled rotten toddler having a piercingly loud tantrum at the table next to you.

Goodness stinking sakes, parents.
What is wrong with you?

Tuesday, October 14, 2014

New doors and McLife

I have a new front door!

Since I live in an area that deals with a lot of high winds, there was a day (a few years ago) when the wind whipped the screen door right out of my hand and threw it back so far that it broke.  It would still shut, but I had to pull it shut carefully.

Then, this past winter there was so much snow that the door broke further when I tried pushing it open.

Enough is enough, I finally decided.
This week I got a brand new door.

So, on those infrequent occasions when I actually leave the utopia of McDonald's Free WiFi and return to my own home, I have the momentary joy of using a door that actually works and shuts properly.

Speaking of McDonald's, today they gave me a sandwich where the bun had two bottom-halves (heels) instead of a whole bun with a top and a bottom.  Weird.  I briefly mentioned it, and they sort of slightly apologized, but whatever.  I guess shoddy meal construction is a small price to pay for Free WiFi and eternal drink refills..

If there's a 12-step program for addiction to WiFi, I have no interest in it whatsoever.
.

Friday, October 10, 2014

Learning to enjoy the 21st century

Still alive and breathing in the wonderful vapors of WiFi.
Since I usually use the WiFi at McDonald's, the vapors smell sort of like french fries and coffee.

For lunch I had a cheap chicken sandwich and a blueberry muffin.
Now all I have to do is refill this medium drink 3,419 times.

So far with the Monopoly pieces I've gotten a breakfast sandwich, a McFlurry, and a small fries.
Woo!

It's still amazing to me that it's possible to watch videos without waiting an hour or more.
On dial-up, anything involving a playlist was inaccessible.
Videos on the BBC news were inaccessible.
Some webpages took 20 minutes or more to load.

Now, it's so simple it's like a breath of fresh air.
Or french-fry breath.
Either is fine.

Friday, October 3, 2014

WiFi is probably better than robot servants. Probably.

I am thrilled beyond belief to report that I finally have my laptop!

I'm here at McDonald's right now, basking/marinating in the free WiFi.

Woo!

This is the very first time I have ever had anything faster than dial-up.

I noticed that in the post where I spoke of getting a laptop, nonamedufus said "Welcome to the 21st century, Janna."

Hi.  I'm glad to be here.
Still, I thought there would be more flying cars and robot servants.
Soon I'll have to get up and refill my drink BY MYSELF.

On the bright side, though, I'm able to watch an R.E.M. video without waiting two hours.

Tuesday, September 30, 2014

Saturday, September 27, 2014

Dreaming of WiFi and chicken nuggets

I'm trying not to get my hopes up, but there is a good chance that by this time next week, I will own my very first laptop.

(!)

Yay for computer-genius uncles who know how to offer help when it comes to things like this.
Assuming it works, and assuming I can figure out how to use free WiFi at McDonald's, this will be the very first time I've ever had anything faster than dial-up.

Imagine, being able to watch videos without having to wait an hour (or more).
Lately I haven't been able to watch videos on dial-up at ALL; despite updating all my stuff, YouTube still keeps giving me error messages on every video.  Hopefully the laptop with WiFi will be a rainbow of glimmering light in my life, opening the doors to all sorts of videos involving cats and R.E.M. and bored college students experimenting with Mentos.
(Do they have videos involving all three at once?)

I hope it works out; I need some cheering up.
I'll keep you posted.

Maybe one of these days, in a week or so, I can post something from McDonald's.
If not, I can just post a long slow scream on dial-up.

(Slow dial-up screams probably come through sounding like whale sounds.)

Stay tuned.

Thursday, September 25, 2014

I'm still alive! Sort of. And my ear itches.

I just wrote this to someone in an e-mail, after which I realized it would also make an appropriate blog post to let you all know how I'm doing:

If stress was an all-night buffet, I would have passed out in the
corner long ago.
People would come poke me to see if I was still alive, and I'd mutter
incoherent things about free crab cakes and chocolate tortes.
Meanwhile, a scorpion-thing would be crawling out of my ear, like that
one in the old Star Trek movie.

I imagine stress probably tastes like really strong lemonade where
someone forgot to add the sugar.


As for the actual real-life update, I can sum it up thusly:
 My health issues continue to get worse, my mobility is worse than it's been in a long time, and I am still fighting to get on disability.  If my lawyer can actually help this work out, I promise not to make any more lawyer jokes for a long, long time.
.

Saturday, July 12, 2014

...Or Else!

I guess the message here is "If you drop out of school, you will be attacked by a giant man-eating Tweety octopus with only six tentacles".

Technically I guess that makes him a hexapus.

(Feel free to make up your own jokes about hexa-puddy-tats.)

So, um, yeah...

Stay in school, I guess.

Sunday, June 15, 2014

Blue plus yellow makes... something spongy, I guess.

Hi, everybody.

Today I tried blue raspberry Twinkies.

No, really.  Apparently they're a thing.

It's some X-Men promotional idea.  They come in blue raspberry and strawberry. 

Since I've loved the deliciously fake sweetness that is "blue raspberry" ever since childhood, I decided my life would not be complete without trying this.

They are very, very blue inside.
If you're squeamish about massive amounts of blue food coloring entering your system, just close your eyes first.  Although, you still have to get the little package open, which means you'll see something similar to this:

It's not as bad as it looks.
As long as you go into it realizing that you are about to consume something with almost no nutritional value whatsoever, something which could probably sit on the shelf until 2095 and still be relatively okay, you'll be fine.

Since I loved sweet blue raspberry stuff as a child, I actually thought these were ok.

Bonus (maybe): One of the ingredients is "Beef Fat".

And, with all the blue food coloring, just so you know, I'm still waiting to find out about the end results.  (You're welcome).

Wednesday, June 4, 2014

Me, rambling on about Twitter and Mike Mills

If you've been with me for very long, you know a few things about me.

1.  I love hot sauce, and there is no such thing as too hot.

2.  As a french horn player, I have had many unsavory thoughts about John Philip Sousa, who obviously had many unsavory thoughts about french horn players, judging from the kind of brain-dead parts he always wrote for us.

3.  I am an R.E.M. fan, in much the same way that lungs enjoy oxygen.  I even have a Tumblr blog which features nothing but R.E.M.-related things.  You've heard me post all that squishy geeky love for Mike Mills, right?  Sure you have.

So imagine my curiosity when I was doing my daily websurfing and happened to discover that Mike Mills is one of the many human beings who currently Twitters.  I decided to click the "follow" button.  It occurs to me that 20 years ago, if you made arrangements to keep close tabs on someone's personal updates, you might be labeled a stalker or at least a mentally-unbalanced individual.  Now, in the techno-joy of the modern age, we can all sit in our bathrobes drinking diet coke while keeping tabs on as many celebrities as we like-- and it's simply called "Being Connected To Social Media".
Yay for progress, I guess.

Anyway, it also occurred to me that after I clicked that "follow" button, Mike probably got a notification that he'd received a new follower.
Assuming he has a ton of time on his hands and the inclination to click on the link to my own twitter page, he'd see a link to this blog, the Jannaverse.  And if he has even further time and inclination, he might be reading this very post, and might even have clicked on that link to my Tumblr blog.

Yikes.

I know, I know.  It probably won't happen, in much the same way that you "probably" won't get hit by lightning in your lifetime.

Still, yay for social media.
I guess.

P.S. Mike, if a miracle has happened, and you actually are reading this, I swear I'm 92% harmless. It's ok.  Unless you write french horn parts the same way John Philip Sousa did.

Monday, May 5, 2014

Honeynut... is gone.

This morning my cat Honeynut passed away.

She was 19 years old, which I guess is a long time for a cat.

Still, I miss her, and I am very sad.
After 19 years, there is a cat-shaped hole in my heart.

You can see some pictures of her in my posts here and here and here.

Rest in peace, Honeynut.

Thursday, April 10, 2014

Serve with a side of chunky hot water

Take a variety of long-term illnesses, soaked for 44 years until properly marinated.

Add one particularly virulent cold/flu thingy which involves fever, chills, muscle aches, sore throat, and complete loss of the senses of taste and smell.

Mix thoroughly in bowl, remembering to shower when you can gather the energy to get out of bed.

-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-

Hi, everybody.
Sorry I've been gone for so long.
I'm sick of being sick.
Sick of knowing that even when the short-term stuff goes away, I'll still have the same long-term health issues to deal with.

There was a point during the last month when I could truthfully say I'd seen three doctors in three different cities in a 6 day time span.

And that didn't even have anything to do with this amazingly bad cold/flu thing I seem to have acquired.  WOW.  I've had it since Saturday the 5th.

First three days:  headache, snot, fever, chills, fever, chills, fever, chills, (rinse and repeat)
Then:  Sore throat, muscle aches, tons of snot, nosebleeds
And.... ever since Monday the 7th, I have not been able to taste or smell anything at all.  Nothing.  I've hardly been eating anything because all I can detect is texture and temperature.

Today I had a bowl of chicken noodle soup which tasted like chunky hot water.

Since I love hot peppers, I tried some of those to see if they would loosen up the sinuses.
Nothing.
I tried using straight peppermint oil as an inhaler.  (I usually use it for headaches; sometimes it helps ease the pain if I rub peppermint oil into my forehead/temples. It usually makes my eyes water and my nose run, so I figured this time I'd rub it directly onto my nose and breathe deeeeeeply.)
Nothing.
I tried taking decongestants.  I even read the directions. (!)
Nothing.

I have never had a cold where I lost my sense of taste for 4 days straight.
Friday will be day 5.

I dream of bacon.

Thank you for listening, especially if you actually read through my entire post. ;)

Thursday, March 13, 2014

The great Hairy Chicken Incident of 2014


"UUUUgghh!" The customer dropped her chicken wing, disgusted.

"Problem?" A manager asked, eventually.

"These wings have a hair stuck in the breading!  And... there's another!  And another!  Ewww!"

"May I see your receipt?"  The manager asked.  "Ahh.  I see the problem.  We should have charged you extra for the NON-hairy variety."

"But..."

"Eight dollars, please."
.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.
Some of that was fiction, but some of it is true.

Remember a few months ago when I blogged about McDonalds' "Mighty Wings"?
At the time, I had no plans of trying them because they were just too expensive.

Well, recently they re-introduced them for a slightly cheaper price.
 I figured "well, ok..." and tried some last Wednesday (March 5th).
Upon inspection (and after I'd already taken a few bites), I realized the breading was covered with hairs.
Seriously.  Little hairs sticking out from the breading, cooked right into it.

I called a manager over and showed her the pile of hair-covered breading bits.

Some of the hairs were so long you could pick them up and the breading would dangle from it.
Gross.

She said "Oh, ok.  I'll make a note of that."
She took the tray away, and nothing else was done.

I went back a few days later (Saturday, March 8th) to see if the lead manager (Rob) had been made aware of it, and hopefully to find some sort of resolution.  

Talked to another manager, who was completely unaware of the problem.  It hadn't been written in the manager's log, so no one had "made a note" of anything at all.

He apologized for the hairy chicken issue and suggested I handwrite a note for Rob.
He reassured me that Rob would get the note.


Soooo, I wrote a note.  I included my snail mail address as well as two different e-mail addresses.


Didn't hear anything back, so today (Thursday, March 13th) I went back to check on things.
Talked to two completely different managers, neither of which had read anything in the log about anyone reporting any kind of hairy chicken problem.

They didn't think Rob had gotten the note and had no idea about any of this.

I explained the whole thing all over again, for the THIRD time.

I wasn't a jerk about it, but still tried to accurately convey the "EEEWWWW" factor.


These guys KNOW me because I've been a regular customer there for so long.  We were on a first-name basis and they'd greet me whenever I came in (sort of like "Norm" from Cheers).
Rob is a nice guy.  They're all nice people there, usually.


So it was frustrating that this kept getting ignored.

This evening they gave me my money back and gave me a card for a free (hopefully non-hair-covered) sandwich.  Yay, I guess, but it still seems odd and dissappointing that I had to talk about it THREE separate times-- and still never heard back from the guy in charge.

I hoped for something along the lines of "Wow, got your letter and I agree this was gross.  Clearly the people who send frozen wings to us also have a side job in a barber shop.  Very sorry.  Please don't stop being a regular customer.  We loved you almost as much as we loved your money.  Come back.  To show my deep sorrow and regret, here is a notarized certificate redeemable for three dinner dates with Mike Mills, along with an autographed collection of every R.E.M. album ever made.  Oh, and here's some DNA from each R.E.M. member, including the drummer who retired in 1996.  Also, here's some sweet-and-sour sauce."


My needs are small.

Thursday, March 6, 2014

Would Godzilla prefer chili sauce or sauerkraut?

Things I realized I do not care about when my bones ache:

1. Whether anyone has ever named a dachshund "bratwurst the third"

2. What happened to "bratwurst" the first and second

3. Politics

4. The fact that if Godzilla was real, he could be turned into a LOT of really nice purses and belts and boots and wallets.

 .='...'='...'='...'='...'='...'='...'='...'='...'='...'=.
This has been one of those rotten weeks where my bones hurt more than usual.  I've blogged before about some of the health issues I have in my feet/knees/ankles, (none of which are expected to improve), though I try not to spend too much time talking about it because I prefer for people to think of the Jannaverse as a humor blog.
Whatever.
This week I ache.

I did make a point of treating myself to some chocolate chip mint ice cream today (one of my favorite flavors), so at least some parts got a chance to smile. :)

Also, I just had a mental image of Godzilla stealing a footlong sub bun from Subway and filling it with a wiener dog.

Incidentally, this picture is from a dachshund site called "petmywiener.com".
Yes.
Pet. My. Wiener. Dot. Com.

Have a good week, everyone.
Treat yourself to something.
.