Actual Wednesday Words... or Tuesday... or something like that

Since I don't have a Wordless Wednesday picture to post this week, I'm going to actually write words.

Please silence your gasps until the end of the post.

It's ok.  Nobody's reading anyway, right?

(*silence*)

Yeah.
That's what I thought.

Anyway, here are some recent highlights from the Jannaverse:

1.  I went to see Iron Man 3 this evening.  Very cool.  I liked it.  I love Tony Stark's odd dry sense of humor.  He makes it look so easy.

2.  In addition to all the other foot problems I've had lately, I'm getting a corn on the outside of my left little toe.  This, among other things like my increased consumption of fiber cereal, further convinces me that I'm getting old.  No one ever hears third graders say "No, I can't play on the swings today.  I'm getting a corn on my toe. My podiatrist appointment is next month."

3.  Michigan is full of humidity this time of year, which is sort of like saying that ketchup is full of tomatoes.

4.  I hate doing dishes.

5.  One of the songs from Iron Man 3 is an older song from Eiffel 65, called Blue.  I loved this song when it first came out in 1999, and it just so happens that I've had the CD (Europop) right here next to my computer ever since the year it first came out.  Seriously.  Fourteen years later, and it was right here next to me the whole time.  I found it amusing that I liked it so much, because it's not the type of music I usually enjoy.

6.  Since no one's reading anyway, this would be the perfect time to confess that there's part of a gallon of milk in my fridge which expired a few weeks ago... and I still haven't gotten around to throwing it out. 
I know... I know.
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I really hope he's swimming in iced tea there...

Possible captions for this picture:

1. Yes, I ate the entire box of All-Bran, but it was on SALE.

2. I think we just discovered why it's an endangered species.

3. Goodbye, cruel world... Wait, will someone please flush for me?  I can't reach up there with my chin...

4. You mean you don't have this in YOUR house?

.

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There is such a thing as too much fiber....

There goes my weekend

Meat? Sweet Defeat? Delete? Tweet?

Today I have nothing to post
With less preparation than most
My syllables clash
And my thoughts are all mashed
'Cuz my brain is not fully engrossed

Perhaps I need bacon to eat
Or a peppermint soak for my feet
My brain's in the lurch
As I fruitlessly search
For words rhyming with "Eat" & "Feet"

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Plus, the free hot dog samples would just be awkward

Five Reasons You Shouldn't Go Grocery Shopping Naked:

1.  Those metal carts are COLD.

2.  So is the freezer section.

3.  If you get arrested before you return home, your ice cream will melt.

4.  Hard to enjoy free samples if people scream.

5.  Depending on your gender, it might be traumatic when nearsighted little old ladies reach for cucumbers.

Sweet and disturbing all at the same time

Did they save the butter after they took the picture?

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Possible captions for this picture:

* After becoming a little more creative, Bernice discovered vegetarianism wasn't so bad after all.

* Any day now, the fairy will come and turn me into a REAL potato!

* It isn't as bad as it looks.  That's margarine instead of butter.

* Shhhh.  I'm hiding from the creepy guy in apartment #4.
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Wordless Wednesday

Let's celebrate with a penguin basket!

Things I can still do while my foot hurts:

1. Write 55 words that don't necessarily have to make sense

2. Wish we had penguins in Michigan

3. Feel slightly guilty about wondering whether penguins would taste good deep-fried in a basket with some french fries on the side

4. Realize that all this rain makes me have to pee

..... ..... .....

Yes, my bladder is full enough to become my own private rain cloud.
Feel free to make a haiku out of that.

Here's the update on my foot troubles:

The x-rays came back.  Good news in some areas, not-so-great news in other areas.

The good news is that I DON'T need surgery.
I will, however, need to wear special corrective things on my feet for the rest of my life.  Two different types of things, in fact.
It's ok.  They aren't conspicuous, and they fit easily inside my socks. Once I have my shoes on, no one can tell.  I have them on right now.  (See?  You didn't notice at all until I said something.)

I am supposed to STAY OFF my feet and avoid all weight-bearing exercise for the next few months.  Today I actually got a temporary handicap parking thingy which will last for the next 6 months.  In a freaky macabre sort of way, I'm really excited about this.  I mean, heck, if I'm going to hurt, I might as well hurt close to the front door, right?


All in all, I'm so glad I don't need surgery that everything else sounds pretty good in comparison.

Examples:

Car in front of me:  "Well, you don't need surgery.  On the other hand, I'm going to go 20 mph in front of you all the way into town until you're 15 minutes late for work."

Me:  "Wheee!"

Cat:  "Well, you don't need surgery, but I just barfed on your favorite chair."

Me:  "Yay!"

Aliens:  "Well, you don't need surgery, but we're going to go ahead and probe you anyway."

Me:  Woo-Hoo!
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Wordless Wednesday

If only premium gas wasn't so delicious

Once upon a time there was a shy green Volkswagen named Heltrude.

Heltrude loved driving to beaches and parks, but lately her friends noticed she seemed a bit sad.

"What's wrong?"  Asked her friend Gunther, a Ford Explorer.

"Gas is so expensive that I had to go on a diet.  I've already lost eight gallons."
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Wordless Wednesday

At least I have the Doritos

Janna sat there dejected and cryin'
Dorito breath exhaled with sighin'
She wrote 55 words
Before scooping cat turds
And was still not as famous as Brian

Janna's cat with a rumbling gut
Said "I'm hungry but I don't know what
To eat first
But it couldn't be worse
Than sitting here licking my butt."
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