Tuesday, December 16, 2014

Good thing he's four tables away, I guess...

Direct quote from the little kid sitting about four tables away at McDonalds:

"MMMmmmoooooommmm!  Mom! I just farted!  I just faaaarrrted!!"

Additional quote from him, a few minutes later:

"Moommmm!  Y'smell that?"

Update... in case any of you wondered how it went

Oooookay. For any of you who read my angst-filled ankle post and wondered how the doctor appointment went, here's the update.

They saw how miserable I was, and they listened to everything I said.
The first step was x-rays. (Both feet, plus right ankle).

I just left the hospital a few hours ago.

The front desk saw me struggling on my two canes and immediately made sure I had somebody to take me to the x-ray room in a wheelchair.
X-rays were a bit awkward but they went all right, I guess.
When they were done, they wheelchaired me back to the front entrance, and I hobbled back to the car with my canes.

The doctor realized that my previous anti-inflammatory medication wasn't working at all, so she called in a prescription for something different.
(I haven't picked it up yet; it isn't ready. Believe me, I'm anxious to try it out.)

The next step is to wait for the x-ray results.
If my problem involves muscle instead of bone, I'll need to have an MRI.
If that's the case, I'll have to drive down to Indiana for the special "Open MRI" I used last year. (The place where they found the enchondroma tumor in my left fibula).

For now, I guess I'm content to wait and see what they say.
I'll get my new pain meds (as soon as they're ready) and take them while it all gets figured out.

I'll keep basking in the glow of free public WiFi, and hobbling with at least one cane to get my free refills. This way I can keep posting updates for those of you who actually read down this far.

If you see me there, please come over and say hi.
Bonus points if you bring cookies.

Monday, December 15, 2014

Me and my ankle

I posted this to Facebook, and figured I might as well post it here too.
Bear with me.

Probably no one will take the time to read this except my close friends, but I still need to write this so I can vent and cry a little.

My ankle's gotten so much worse in the past few weeks. I've had problems with it ever since childhood, but nothing even remotely as painful as this.

When I had it x-rayed last year, the doctor told me it was likely a form of club-foot that I've had my entire life. Mom didn't take me to a doctor for it when I was young, so it never got treated. (There are various reasons I'm not able to have surgery for it, which would take too long to explain right now.) They told me it would keep getting worse as the years went by.... they were right.

It hurts so bad it feels like I actually broke something or ripped something.

I mentioned it the past two times I went to the doctor, but they didn't do anything. I'm not even sure they wrote it down. It was like "Meh, let's just ignore it and see if it goes away."

At the concert last Friday I had to wear my usual leg brace, plus I used my cane to hobble around. Embarrassing to be on stage and have hundreds of people seeing that.

The weekend was so bad I could hardly get out of bed.

In the privacy of my own home, I have to have a cane in each hand just to make it possible to move from room to room without too much pain. When I move down the hallway like this, I feel like some giant four-footed animal... or maybe one of those big robot things from Star Wars (Imperial Walkers).
The only thing that makes walking remotely bearable is the canes, plus wrapping the leg brace extra tight so my ankle can't wobble around too much. If it wobbles or bends at all, it's excruciating.

I called the doctor's office this morning and explained to them that I need to make an appointment right away to get this diagnosed and treated.

My appointment is tomorrow morning (Tuesday Dec 16th) at 11:00am.

I hope they take me seriously this time.
If they ask "So, how long has this been going on?" I will make sure to say "Y'know, I've mentioned it the past TWO times I've been in. Look in the book and see when my two previous appointments were. I told you about it at least twice, but nobody did anything to help."

In addition to the right ankle issues, I dropped a shampoo bottle on my LEFT foot and hurt that so bad I might have broken some of the little bones in there.
There's no "good" foot to step on any more.

I'm tired of it hurting just to walk twenty feet away.
In the middle of the night, when I have to get up to go to the bathroom, I've actually laid there and cried for awhile, dreading the inevitability of having to get up and hobble to the toilet with a cane in each hand so I can pee.

I usually try to be a peaceful, fun, good-natured, semi-humorous person who is pleasant company, and most of my friends have no idea just how bad things have gotten.

I can't handle this for much longer.

Tuesday, December 9, 2014

Because apparently the gas station needed a sign...

Y'know, whatever this sign is saying, it's probably a good idea to pay attention.

Saturday, December 6, 2014

Sunday, November 30, 2014

Because I'm just that helpful...

Today while sitting in my favorite spot at McDonalds, simultaneously drinking in the free WiFi along with a magnificent beverage, I was approached by a guy from one of the nearby tables.

"Can I ask you a question?"  He said.

"I... guess so," I answered, hoping it wouldn't have anything to do with trigonometry or ebola.

He wanted to know how to get online; he and his wife were trying to use the WiFi but were having trouble connecting.  I explained the process as well as I could, and he went back to sitting with his wife.

Awhile later, he got up to go to the bathroom.  My table is right next to the bathrooms.
When he came out, I considered asking him if he was able to get the WiFi to work. 

I ended up not asking.

It dawned on me that when you're a guy coming out of the bathroom, the last thing you want to hear is a stranger asking "So, did you get it to work all right?"

Saturday, November 29, 2014

But if I get iron lamb, I won't have enough room left for pure belly clearance

Also, I see that the symbols for Kungpo Chicken and Cashew chicken are exactly the same.  So are the symbols for fish-flavored shredded pork and pure speculation meat.
I wonder if they have egg rolls.
If they do, I wonder what they call them.

Tuesday, November 25, 2014

Where everybody knows your name... or at least mine.

One of the side effects of spending half my life using free McDonalds WiFi is that the managers and employees have grown accustomed to my presence.
I know their names, they know my name, and it's sort of like a version of Cheers which has Chicken McNuggets instead of beer.

Last night I was at Wal-Mart preparing myself for the eventuality of having to actually return to my own home and eat things called "groceries".
(I'm not all that fond of Wal-Mart, but it was the only place open at that time of night.)

On my way out, I heard a familiar voice behind me.
"Hi, Janna."

I quickly turned my head in pleasant surprise, recognizing the voice.
It was one of the McDonald's managers.
I told him hello.

"I'm sorry if I scared you," he said.

"You didn't scare me," I replied.  "I always look like this."

He laughed.

Sunday, November 9, 2014

It's ok. I have no shame.

Actual thing I just posted to Facebook:

Note: Forget Metamucil and Ex-Lax. McDonalds plain black coffee is the most powerful brew known to mankind. You will feel the earth move.

Additional Note: If you ate ghost chili peppers on a buffalo chicken sandwich the previous evening, I promise you will suddenly remember.


Friday, October 31, 2014

In a McDonald's full of children on Halloween....

The noise particles vibrate
And bounce off every object
No matter how remote

The costumes
Which must have made sense
At some point in the evening

Spinning jumping bouncing
Shouting running screeching
THUMP shout yell run stomp

Too loud for brain cells
To peacefully cohabitate
Too rambunctious
To facilitate any rhyming
Total chaos

Please pass the aspirin
With a side of fries

Saturday, October 25, 2014

Four Signs You're Obsessed With Your New Laptop:

1.  All the McDonald's employees greet you by name when you show up to use the free WiFi for hours on end.

2.  You have great fun discovering the built-in webcam and use it to take freeze-frame shots of yourself, fighting the urge to giggle with glee in public.

3.  You do this two days in a row and photoshop one of the pictures to look vaguely like a watercolor painting.

4.  You post it to Facebook.

Wednesday, October 22, 2014

The Jannaverse turns its head and coughs

Today I discovered yet another downside to lightning-fast websurfing.
Without going into excruciating detail, let me just say that I have survived my very first foray into dismantling computer viruses and malware.
Seems odd that it never happened on the home computer; after all, I've roamed around plenty of dark ugly cyberspace corners on dial-up too in the past 15 years, and have downloaded plenty of things.

I.  Just.
Did. It.

Anyway, after much trial and trouble, I seem to be malware/adware/virus free once again.
I feel like I just had a shower.
(*sniff*)  Smell that?  The soap is grapefruit-scented.

Friday, October 17, 2014

The downside of Free WiFi in a public place

What I learned today:

No matter how loud you have the headphones turned up with "Relaxing Piano Music" pouring through them, it can not even come close to drowning out the sound of a spoiled rotten toddler having a piercingly loud tantrum at the table next to you.

Goodness stinking sakes, parents.
What is wrong with you?

Tuesday, October 14, 2014

New doors and McLife

I have a new front door!

Since I live in an area that deals with a lot of high winds, there was a day (a few years ago) when the wind whipped the screen door right out of my hand and threw it back so far that it broke.  It would still shut, but I had to pull it shut carefully.

Then, this past winter there was so much snow that the door broke further when I tried pushing it open.

Enough is enough, I finally decided.
This week I got a brand new door.

So, on those infrequent occasions when I actually leave the utopia of McDonald's Free WiFi and return to my own home, I have the momentary joy of using a door that actually works and shuts properly.

Speaking of McDonald's, today they gave me a sandwich where the bun had two bottom-halves (heels) instead of a whole bun with a top and a bottom.  Weird.  I briefly mentioned it, and they sort of slightly apologized, but whatever.  I guess shoddy meal construction is a small price to pay for Free WiFi and eternal drink refills..

If there's a 12-step program for addiction to WiFi, I have no interest in it whatsoever.