Dear World:

1.  To the old guy who farted in McDonalds Friday afternoon:  That was spectacular, even if your wife didn't look particularly thrilled.

2.  To Shawn:  You changed your blog!  It looks great, but why am I not able to comment anymore?

3.  To the truck in front of me as I was driving home:  Why were you going 30mph in a 55mph zone?

4.  To my cats:  The litter box has been cleaned.  Please act accordingly.

5.  To winter:  I loved you when I was younger, but it's over between us.  Please go somewhere else and let me be warm.
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Dear world:

1. To the guy I saw walking around in SHORTS recently: It is currently winter, with temperatures far below freezing. Please offer my condolences to any body parts you happen to lose. I hope they weren't ones you use often.

2. To the pizza leftovers I plan on eating tomorrow: Enjoy life while you can. It's only a matter of time.

3. To my readers: Are you ok? Are you out there? Are you still alive?

4. To the stoplight I accidentally ran a few days ago: Oops. Sorry.

5. To all the cops in the county: Thanks for not noticing that I accidentally ran that stoplight.

6. To my cats: I'm not sure exactly WHY you left that particular item right in the middle of the kitchen floor. Ewww.
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Dear world:

To the loaf of seeded rye bread I bought Wednesday: You are half the size of a normal loaf of bread, and you cost over twice as much. But ohhhhh my goodness are you delicious.

To winter: I hate you.

To whoever first decided that beets actually qualify as "food": You must have been really, really hungry. But still not as hungry as the person who thought of rocky mountain oysters.

To my cats: You have two full water dishes and a full dish of food. Please do not try to convince me that you are starving.

To the state of California: Backwards, you're spelled "Ainrofilac", which sounds like a medication for lactose intolerance. But it would still look cool on license plates.
And in songs. ("Ainrofilac Dreaming.... on such a winter's daayyyy....")
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Dear world:

1. To the person who invented tacos: I love you.

2. To the guy who tailgated me on the way home, who finally decided to pass: Yes, I was drinking, but it wasn't what you thought. It was Strawberry-Apricot Lifewater. Really and truly. All the same, thanks for finally getting off my bumper.

3. To the couple in line ahead of me at the store (the one smooching and kissing and groping): Wow, look at all this bile I'm about to throw up...

4. To anyone Canadian out there: Please tell me poutine doesn't taste as bad as it looks.
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