Monday, June 16, 2008

Manic Monday: Will

If, when I die, I have to leave all my worldly possessions to bloggers, here is the will I would make:

1) My harp, I leave to Kyle, but only if he starts posting more often on his blog. (January? Oh, Kyle, Kyle, Kyle....) If he promises to post at least twice every week for the next five years, he can also have my french horns, my keyboard, my dulcimer, and my cello.

2) Any leftover frozen burritos in my freezer go to Meloncutter. Please don't fart in my general direction after I'm dead. I will give you list of people you can fart at instead.

3) My semiprecious stones and crystals go to Steve, but only if he starts posting stuff on his blog again. If he agrees to post every day for the next five years, he also gets a surprise bonus item to be revealed at my death.

4) My three cats will go to Morgen. This will give him a total of eight cats. It'll be interesting to see how he keeps from going insane.

5) My videotapes of Monty Python will go to Mik over at Slightly Mordant.

6) Any cheese remaining in my fridge will go to Michael C. over at The Wonderful World Of Nothing Worthwhile. He must do a blog post for each time he eats some of it, and the posts must include pictures of the cheese.

7) My Fab paraphenalia goes to Gwen. Oh, and she also gets that deer skull that's behind the garage.

8) Fab gets any bottles of Dasani water I have in the fridge. Oh, wait, he also gets to take Jesus back. And I think he can have all my gel pens, too.

9) My bottle of Sriracha hot sauce goes to Desert Songbird.

10) My Brooks & Dunn CD, which I don't often admit listening to (because it qualifies as Country Music) goes to Wayne over at The Blog Of Whall.

11) My cosmetology textbook goes to Wayne over at Wayne's World. I want him to draw funny mustaches and beards on all of the models, and post pictures of some of them.

12) My extension cords and light bulbs go to Shelli. No reason.

13) My acrylic paints go to Marilyn. I want her to make a sign to be placed next to my tombstone.... something funny... like "Wow, I can't wait to blog about THIS!"

14) Any cookbooks which contain any recipes for cake go to Travis. He must pick three favorite recipes, and spend an entire evening preparing them with loved ones instead of watching dancing shows on TV.

15) Cincy Diva, Metalmom, and Onionboy all get to fight over my CD's, kitchen utensils, and personal hygiene products. They must also choose items from these categories that will go to Bee, Vinnie, and Lynda. All six of them must also learn to dance the fox trot. No reason. Maybe Travis can watch.

If you weren't mentioned here, it doesn't mean I don' t love you. It means instead that you get to fight over everything else! I've got a TON of junk. Gather it all in a big pile in the front yard, and sort through it until you find at least one thing you like.
Be sure to do a blog post on it.

Thanks for reading.


Meloncutter said...

Dang. Thank you.

I was going to offer to fart on your ashes so you could experience your final blowjob. But I promise not to fart in your direction according to your wishes.

Wow. Burritos.

Later Y'all.

Empress Bee (of the High Sea) said...

can i have your unused socks? no reason, i just thought i'd ask...

smiles, bee

Metalmom said...


Hey, got a can opener? I need one of those.

Thanks Janna. You can have all my meds if I go first.

Juby said...

horns? you have multiple? and a CELLO?! SWEET! but the Harp is very exciting as well..though I admittedly would much rather prefer you around to play it with me. :-) Just saying.

crazy working mom said...

Mo will be the crazy cat dude, 'eh?!

I'd like to have those burritos. Maybe you'll have some good Chinese takeout in the fridge that I can swipe, though.

Happy MM.

Marilyn said...

I love acrylic paints! I'm almost out of red... but I'd much rather have to buy new paint. If I go first you can have mine and the unused canvases too. I don't have any fountain pens but I have one of the kind you dip in ink and some ink too. You can have those. I'd better write this down someplace so Andy knows to send it to you.

Gwenhwyfar said...

Sweet Zombie Jesus! Awesome! Deer skull AND Fab stuff! (and not to sound greedy but if Kyle doesn't live up to his end of the bargain, can I call the Harp and the Cello?)

whall said...

Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't know you already had a Wayne.

There can be only one, you know.

Janna said...

Melon: You mean my FIRST blow job.

Bee: Well, ALL my socks are used, but sure. Go ahead and take them.

Metalmom: Yay! Meds!

Juby/Kyle: Yes, I have a single horn and a double horn. The single one needs one of the keys fixed. Good luck with that. Does this mean you're going to post on your blog more often now?

CWM: No Chinese takeout yet, but I'll see what I can do. :)

Marilyn: Oooh, ok. The dip pens are fun too. :)

Gwen: You can be in charge of making sure Kyle posts at least twice a week for the next five years after my death. If he slips up, you can break into his house and steal whatever you want.

Whall: Maybe the two of you could work out some sort of time-share thing.

Michael C said...

Deal! I shall carry out my duties with honor ;-)

Mariposa said...

LOL...nice one!

Happy MM!

Wayne said...

Consider it done! my Cos book is already filled with drawings, I could use a 'fresh' one!

Ivanhoe said...

What a creative post! Thank you for the chuckle on a ugly Monday. I needed it :o)

the teach said...

Janna, I thought about doing my last will and testament too - but I don't have anything worth giving away like you do! :D

WillThink4Wine said...

Of course, I get any unopened red wine, right? Just saying.

Jamie said...

It should be a lively wake. While everyone is prowling through the pile they can watch me wrestle Mik to the ground to get the Monty Python.

Sandee (Comedy +) said...

I love how you did this. I do think that Mo having more cats would indeed send him over the edge. Have a great MM. :)

Desert Songbird said...

If Mo gets overwhelmed with cats, I'll just lend him some hot sauce.

Lynda said...

I call dibs on the toliet paper. It will be mine!!

Travis said...

Has this Will been notarized yet? Because if it hasn't, then I'll have to keep it a seekrit that the
Dancing shows aren't on every night, so then I can still watch them while making CAKE on a different night.

Shhhhh...don't tell Janna.

onangelwings said...

Someone already asked for the toilet paper. Damn, I'm too late!!

Gwenhwyfar said...

Sweet! It's a deal!

Janna said...

MichaelC: Excellent. Will pepper jack cheese be ok?

Mariposa: Buy the plane tickets now! Be prepared!

Wayne: Great! Be sure to post them!

Ivanhoe: Ugly week? Sorry to hear that. I've had a lot on my mind lately too.

Teach: Surely you must have a lot of interesting books! And there must be at least one interesting thing in your fridge.

Willthink4Wine: If there ever happens to be any red wine in my possession, you're welcome to it.

Jamie: Terrific! Someone should tape this!

Sandee: At least it would give him something else to blog about!

DesertSongbird: Can I watch? Oh, wait, I'll be dead...

Lynda: Atta girl!

Travis: Not notarized yet... just a sec, lemme make that important note next to your section... cake must be eaten instead of viewing dance show...

Onangelwings: How about paper towels? Can you use those?

Gwen: Just make sure the dog doesn't kill you first.

Mik said...

Thank you much appreciated, not leaving us just yet we hope.

Janna said...

Mik: Not yet, I hope.