Monday, October 8, 2007

The Gift Of Blissful Heat

I'm so excited!

Last month I spent a few days guest-posting on Pointless Drivel while Fab was on a mini-vacation. It was tons of fun and I loved it.

As a gesture of thanks, Fab sent me presents!
(Can you imagine? I feel like I'm the one who should be sending HIM stuff!)

Fab knows I love hot stuff (see THIS post), so he sent a variety of hot sauces. This is so cool! (Well it's hot and cool at the same time). I'm going to try them in just a few moments, and I'll blog about each one immediately after I've tried it, so you can get my honest impressions of each.
Remember, I'm a tough cookie when it comes to hot sauce. I like it HOT, dammit. The hotter the better. There is no such thing as "too hot".

I used to know someone, many years ago, whose motto was "If it's 'too hot', YOU'RE 'too weak.'"

So wise.

Here we go. Are you ready?

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Number one is "Widow" hot sauce. I love the bottle because it's got a big black widow spider on it, along with the words "No Survivors".
The bottle says "Warning! Extremely hot sauce! Use one drop at a time!"
The number one ingredient is Habanero peppers, followed by "assorted hot peppers", soy sauce, worstershire sauce, vinegar, garlic, and capsaicin.
So here goes.... I'm putting about twice the recommended amount on a tortilla chip.

.... YUM!
It is good, and it IS hot. Hot! I love it! Yes!!!!
It also has a good flavor.
This would be a good ingredient in a marinade.

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Next, we have "Scorpion" hot sauce.
There's a picture of a scorpion, along with the words "Xtreme Hot Sauce".
The ingredients include "soy sauce, balsamic vinegar, raisins, chile extract, garlic, and cinnamon." It doesn't sound like it will be all that hot, but let's go ahead and try it.

.... Ooh, hey, not bad! It IS sort of hot, and it has a nice Asian flavor to it. This would be GREAT in a stir fry. It would also be a nice ingredient in a dipping sauce for chicken nuggets or egg rolls.
It's got a decent after-burn.
Very good.
**********

Next, there's "357 Mad Dog".
The picture on the bottle is looking down the end of a gun barrel, with a few bullet holes on either side. And there's a dog who appears to be barbecuing something.
The ingredients include: "Vinegar, chile extract, evaporated cane juice, fresh habanero peppers, garlic, onion, 160,000-scovile cayenne peppers, and spices."
At the top of the label it says "This sauce is very hot-- use it at your own risk-- This sauce is very hot." (Love how they felt they had to say it twice).
On the back of the bottle is an oath you have to make before you're allowed to taste the sauce:

"I agree, as indicated by my opening this bottle, as follows in connection with my purchase of this product:
1. This product is extremely hot. You should eat it with extreme care.

2. This product is to be used at my own risk, and I understand the potential danger if used or handled improperly.
3. If I give this product as a gift, I will make the recipient fully aware of the potential danger if used or handled improperly.
(Um.... Fab?)
4. I hereby disclaim, release, and relinquish any and all claims, actions, and lawsuits that I, or any of my dependents, heirs, family members, or legal representatives may have against any party relating to any damage or injury that results, or is alleged to have resulted, from the use, consumption, ingestion, contact, or other use of or from the product.

5. I am not inebriated or otherwise not of a sound mind, and I am fully able to make a sound decision about the purchase of this product."


I SWEAR it really has all that on the back of the bottle.
Sure, ok. Whatever.
Let's open it up and taste it already.

..... WOW! Cool! I love it! Flames are shooting out of my mouth. This just might be the hottest sauce I have ever tasted. It is AMAZING. I think I'm in love.
A few drops of this in a bowl of chili would be incredible. It would also go well with jambalaya.
Yum.
Lemme go get a glass of milk, so I can cleanse my palate for the fourth and final sauce...

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The 4th bottle is "Hog's Ass." Fab sent two of these, probably because I mentioned this brand in my Thursday Thirteen post awhile back. The bottle has a wild boar on it, and the words "You can bite a hog's ass if you don't like my garlic habanero sauce!"

The number one ingredient is habanero peppers, followed by cayenne peppers, vinegar, vegetable juice, garlic, sugar, salt, and orange extract.
It sounds good. Let's try it.

.... It's not as hot as the others, but the flavor is good. This would be great stirred into some taco meat. It would also make an excellent dipping sauce for taquitos.

**********
This has been an amazing experience! My nose is running, and the inside of my nose is burning as well as the inside of my mouth. Tingle me, baby! I am glowing with life!

So, here's my verdict:
HOTTEST: 357 Mad Dog.
2nd hottest: Widow
3rd hottest: Scorpion
4th hottest: Hog's Ass

BEST FLAVOR: Scorpion
2nd/3rd best flavor: Tie between Hog's Ass and Widow
4th best flavor: 357 Mad Dog

I liked ALL of them and will definitely continue to consume them until they are all gone (however many months it takes!)
This was a lot of fun!
Thank you, Fab!
You rock. :)
.

14 comments:

Mr. Fabulous said...

I am happy to help. You sick freak :)

Janna said...

Mr. Fab: I guess that makes you an enabler, then, huh? :)

Robin said...

Erik actually told me recently that if I ever want to get him something special to just get him all different kinds of hot sauces. Very cool...he knows how to please us women!

GoingLikeSixty.com said...

Here's one advantage to getting old: your taste buds croak quicker than the rest of your body.

I'm enjoying hotter foods and regretting it less.

Neener, neener, neener!

Lynda said...

I should still send you some Stupid Hot sauce. Maybe after you are done with the four you have.

Michael said...

Mm they look like good stuff, I put hot sauce on most things.

Janna said...

Robin: I should send Erik some of my homemade chili.

Goinglikesixty: Now I have something to look forward to!

Lynda: I love the name "Stupid Hot" sauce. I want some! :)

Michael: It goes so well with so many things!

katherine. said...

seems like the perfect gift for you!

Square1 said...

O.K. It's official. I have the officially stamped certificate. You have been hereby decreed a complete and utter "Palate Masochist"!

Janna said...

Katherine: It was! :)

Square1: Oooh, can I frame it?

Square1 said...

Abso-freaking-lutely!

Janna said...

Square1: Excellent! Now I just need to add "Palate Masochist" to my resume...

Lynda said...

My husband claims it is better than Dave's Insanity Sauce.

Janna said...

Lynda: Ooooh, then I MUST try it!