Sunday, January 16, 2011

Just to be on the safe side, I'm feeding all my elephants extra fiber

Things I have never seen conveniently placed within arm's reach:

1. A million dollars

2. An elephant who would kindly offer to poop on my enemies' driveways
(This is probably just as well, since I can't recall having any enemies anyway).

4. Plane tickets to Canada, along with a legally binding promise that I will not be groped OR irradiated at the airport

3. The keys to the Aston Martin DB5 that James Bond drove in Goldfinger

5. Haggis (thank God).

6. A zebra who is disgruntled with the world's political scene

7. Johnny Depp

8. A green medium-nibbed Pelikan fountain pen

9. A zebra in Canada who is disgruntled with Johnny Depp's recipe for haggis

P.S. In case you're interested, here's a store that sells paper made from elephant poop. Forty-five cents PER SHEET. (!!)


00dozo said...

Wow! 45 cents!!?? That quite a lot for sheet!

Um ... this fixation with Canada?

Janna said...

00dozo: LOL. I was wondering how long it would be before someone would make a "sheet" joke. :)

As for the fixation with Canada, it's possible I need therapy.
Can I have my therapy in a Tim Horton's with a table full of Canadian comedians? That would be cool.
P.S. Try saying "Canadian Comedian" ten times fast.

00dozo said...

Yeah - I guess dufus has "rubbed off on me", so to speak.

Oh, and you will love Tim Horton's! Great coffee and doughnuts, for sure. I can't guarantee comedians, though.

If you can get CBC, the "Rick Mercer Report" is hilarious. He's a Canadian comedian (airs on Tuesdays and Fridays). It's a bit political, but you really don't have to know who all the 'players' are. (He used to go to the States and ask Americans about Canada. One show in particular dealt with Americans' opinion of culling moose in Toronto. Apparently we still live in igloos, too.)


Janna said...

00dozo: I've never been to a Tim Horton's, but I could swear we have a few here in Michigan.
Ah, yes... here they are. Ooooh, look, there's one in Adrian! I was in Adrian just last Friday. Next time I go, I'll have to pay them a visit and blog about it. Do they have breakfast stuff? Like breakfast sandwiches? Or is it just donuts and coffee?

hedgewitch said...

That is an absolutely staggering amount of elephant poop. You could sculpt Johnny Depp life size out of that...

00dozo said...

I don't know about breakfast - it's been awhile since I'd been to one, but they do (did) bake their own bread - good soup & sandwich lunches, though. And, of course, the doughnuts are always fresh!

*drooling for donuts*


Janna said...

hedgewitch: I'd have to wear gloves...

00dozo: Sounds promising!