Saturday, June 19, 2010

Please pull over for a moment while I rant about traffic

To the people who always seem to be driving on the road at the same time as me:

Most of you are probably wonderful, delightful, highly-intelligent people in real life, but behind the wheel you spontaneously become something else. Something that makes me want to install photon torpedo launchers on my vehicle.

No offense.
Well, almost none.
Sort of.

Stop tailgating. Hang up your phone. Don't just drive for miles and miles with your turn signal blinking. Learn who has the right of way. If it's not you, be patient, but if it IS you, then for goodness sakes. GO.
Don't leave pets in the car when it's so hot outside.
Learn to park without taking up multiple spaces.

Give me all your money and your ketchup packets.
No, wait!
What I meant to say is, Have A Nice Day and don't forget to check your oil. Please don't hurt me.

P.S. Do photon torpedoes require a gun permit?


萱祥 said...
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00dozo said...

Ha ha! I know how you feel - we drive on the left (which was really confusing, at first) and, like you, when I'm out and about, I get all the crazy, dumb-ass drivers.

There are have photon torpedos? Where can I get one?

nonamedufus said...

What about those drivers who, for some inexplicable reason, nod off during a red light and you have to honk your horn to wake them when it turns green. Sheesh, go home to bed.

Monkey Man said...

Are you trying to tell me there is someone out there - other than me - that is the perfect driver? Could there be two of us? Great post. I feel your pain.

Janna said...

Spam guy who I deleted: Quit that.

00dozo: If I had to drive on the left, I'd be so confused that I'D end up being one of the crazy drivers.

nonamedufus: I haven't seen anybody fall asleep but I have seen them too busy on their cell phones to notice the green light. Or sometimes they're too busy talking to a passenger. Either way, I agree it's annoying. :)

MonkeyMan: We should form a support group.

FishHawk said...

"The Jannaverse" has been included in this weeks A Sunday Drive. I hope this helps to attract even more new visitors here.

Janna said...

FishHawk: How nice! Thank you for including me. :)

Anonymous said...

You need a concealed weapons permit for photon torpedoes, although I'm sure how you go about concealing them.

PattiKen said...

Where I live, folks don't nod off at red lights. They'd have to stop first (or maybe not) to do that. Running the red light is a sport here.

Janna said...

miksplace: Maybe I can hide them next to the gas tank. No, wait... on 2nd thought, that would be a bad idea...

PattiKen: Accggh. Sounds stressful for the cross-traffic!