Ten Ways To Use A Pineapple
1. Glue it to a brick and use it as a decorative doorstop.
2. Pound some nails into it and throw it into the path of the person tailgating you.
3. Sell it to unsuspecting aliens for gold and photon torpedoes.
4. Braid it into your hair and headbutt the people in front of you who are taking 24 items through the express lane.
5. Stuff it in the back of your pants and ask random guys on the street if this outfit makes your butt look big.
6. Duct tape it to your shoulder and introduce it to friends as your tropical Siamese twin. If they look confused, say "Oh, that's right. I forgot; they're called conjoined twins now."
7. Place it on your desk and tell all your co-workers, "Look! My invisible friend finally got his green card and now you can see him!"
8. Hang on a ship with a sign that says "In case of scurvy, smash here".
9. Duct tape it to your knee, then ask assorted loved ones, "Does this look infected to you?"
10. Use it to scratch areas you can't quite reach.
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12 comments:
Oh, I like you!!
I usually keep leftover coffee or soda in my car so that I can throw them out my window to the windshields of the tailgaters behind me.
#4 is my new favorite Jannaism. You freakin rock!
I think there should be a clothing line for conjoined twins.jeNN
All too good to pick a favourite, but my heart belongs to #3! LOL
Otin: But the nails add that extra special touch... maybe you could drop some nails into the coffee and throw them out quickly before they dissolve.
Marla: Yay! :)
bigJenn: I wonder what they would call it.... Any ideas?
Susan: I like photon torpedoes! :)
I take it you don't like pineapple as food?
Marilyn: Oh, I do. :) They're tasty when I'm in the mood for them. I was just in a creative mood this time. :)
Hello!... hollow it out and live in it under the sea. Duh.
Jeff: OMG, yes! Of course! How could I forget?! :)
The visual for number six just cracked me up. "Oh, that's right . . . conjoined!"
My son, who usually ignores all blogs, including my own, loved this post. And so did I. This is classic Jannaverse.
I also think that the top half of a pineapple makes a fine party hat, Carmen Miranda style. But perhaps that's just me.
Mr.Knucklehead: It'd be even funnier if you could throw your voice to make it seem like it's coming from the pineapple.
MikeWJ: Yay! How old is he? 20? 15? 10? 3? (...He isn't a pineapple, is he...?)
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