Saturday, November 28, 2009

Ten Ways To Use A Pineapple

1. Glue it to a brick and use it as a decorative doorstop.

2. Pound some nails into it and throw it into the path of the person tailgating you.

3. Sell it to unsuspecting aliens for gold and photon torpedoes.

4. Braid it into your hair and headbutt the people in front of you who are taking 24 items through the express lane.

5. Stuff it in the back of your pants and ask random guys on the street if this outfit makes your butt look big.

6. Duct tape it to your shoulder and introduce it to friends as your tropical Siamese twin. If they look confused, say "Oh, that's right. I forgot; they're called conjoined twins now."

7. Place it on your desk and tell all your co-workers, "Look! My invisible friend finally got his green card and now you can see him!"

8. Hang on a ship with a sign that says "In case of scurvy, smash here".

9. Duct tape it to your knee, then ask assorted loved ones, "Does this look infected to you?"

10. Use it to scratch areas you can't quite reach.


otin said...

Oh, I like you!!

I usually keep leftover coffee or soda in my car so that I can throw them out my window to the windshields of the tailgaters behind me.

Marla said...

#4 is my new favorite Jannaism. You freakin rock!

big Jenn said...

I think there should be a clothing line for conjoined twins.jeNN

Susan at Stony River said...

All too good to pick a favourite, but my heart belongs to #3! LOL

Janna said...

Otin: But the nails add that extra special touch... maybe you could drop some nails into the coffee and throw them out quickly before they dissolve.

Marla: Yay! :)

bigJenn: I wonder what they would call it.... Any ideas?

Susan: I like photon torpedoes! :)

Marilyn said...

I take it you don't like pineapple as food?

Janna said...

Marilyn: Oh, I do. :) They're tasty when I'm in the mood for them. I was just in a creative mood this time. :)

Jeff said...

Hello!... hollow it out and live in it under the sea. Duh.

Janna said...

Jeff: OMG, yes! Of course! How could I forget?! :)

Mr. Knucklehead said...

The visual for number six just cracked me up. "Oh, that's right . . . conjoined!"

MikeWJ at Too Many Mornings said...

My son, who usually ignores all blogs, including my own, loved this post. And so did I. This is classic Jannaverse.

I also think that the top half of a pineapple makes a fine party hat, Carmen Miranda style. But perhaps that's just me.

Janna said...

Mr.Knucklehead: It'd be even funnier if you could throw your voice to make it seem like it's coming from the pineapple.

MikeWJ: Yay! How old is he? 20? 15? 10? 3? (...He isn't a pineapple, is he...?)