Friday, August 21, 2009

We may have to cancel Groundhog Day

I discovered something this week.
My car has animal magnetism.

No, I don't mean it exudes charm and exciting gentlemanly hotness; I mean animals from miles around are compelled to run in front of it with no regard to what it means for their immediate future.

Earlier in the week, I was driving along when a groundhog ran in front of me.
He obviously planned his trajectory well in advance, going at exactly the right speed for the right length of time at the correct angle to end up directly beneath my tires.

**bump-bump**

I felt slightly bad about that, but consoled myself with the knowledge that this kind of thing just sorta happens sometimes when you live in a rural area teeming with wildlife.

Then, a day or two after that, I was driving to work when I saw a bird flying directly toward my windshield. Again, it was some odd angle which had to have been previously calculated to the Nth degree, at exactly the right wind speed, in just the right direction to end up slamming against my windshield.

**FWUMP**

As I drove on, I looked in my rear view mirror to see the poor bird flapping and flopping pathetically on the pavement in the center of the road.

Now I felt really bad.
And curious about what on earth just happened.

Later that night, while I was driving home, I saw something standing in the road ahead of me. It was hard to see, so I slowed down...
And there in my headlights was someone's dog, just standing there in the middle of the road with no fear whatsoever. Looked kinda like a chocolate lab, I think.
Determined NOT to hit someone's dog, I slammed on the brakes and swerved to avoid it.

**pause for dramatic effect**

I did not hit the dog. (Thank goodness!)
The dog lived. And by "lived", I mean it kept its two functioning brain cells which told it to meander aimlessly into the center of the road, and into the oncoming lane. Luckily there was no oncoming traffic. I hope he made his way home all right.

I'm afraid to find out what I may be hitting next.
I live in an area with a lot of deer. So far in my 39 years on this planet I've managed to avoid hitting any deer. Perhaps the day is coming.

In the meantime, you may want to keep your pets indoors.
And don't get particularly attached to Bambi.
.

18 comments:

Lynda said...

Well, the old adage is things happen in three, so maybe you are safe now.

Of course, you didn't hit the dog who had more brain cells than it's owner. (Thankfully)

Jeff said...

Ugh... you do NOT want to hit a deer. Trust me (said two-time Bambi killer)

Janna said...

Lynda: The dog showed hardly any interest in getting out of the way, so it must not be acquainted with traffic safety. That made me wonder if it had gotten loose and its owner had no idea where it was. I can't believe any responsible pet owner would just let it roam around on the highway. Yikes.

Jeff: Did it completely total your car? Did you have passengers? Was everybody ok (except for Bambi)? Is there a blog post where I can read all the disturbing details?

MikeWJ at Too Many Mornings said...

Hey, the animals are bad, but please let me know when you're going to be driving through my neighborhood, OK? I don't want to end up as a greasy spot on your windshield.

subtorp77 said...

Janna, do pray you never, ever hit a deer. My Pop hit two( one in '61 )and one in '81. The second one, the whole fam was in the car. The impact almost threw my brother into the windscreen( idiot had removed his seat-belt ). And my cousin just about totaled his "new" Lexus-LMAO( but you'd have to know the story behind the car-HA ). He was doing around 70mph on the NY Thruway. Ouch!

I've hit a lot of little creatures( squirrels, munks, snakes, birds ), but thankfully no big game. And I'll hit a tree to avoid hitting a polecat( skunk )!!

ReformingGeek said...

I will be dropping off the armadillos that dig in my yard in your neighborhood next week. Good Luck!

Janna said...

MikeWJ: I can almost promise that you will not get hit as long as you avoid standing around in the middle of the road.

Subtorp: Just imagine if we still had dinosaurs.

ReformingGeek: I'll do my best!

subtorp77 said...

Janna-LOL! But I can just imagine trying to file a claim on that...!

And we did have a woman killed by a moose to the windscreen! An... 800lb. moose...! Google "animal wrecked cars"...

subtorp77 said...

Now google "cars hitting moose"...

@ ReformingGeek, I came through the I-40 corridor back in April...never saw so many armadillos( especially in Arkansas )...missed every one of them...thankfully!

Grace said...

Yeah, definitely avoid moose. I lived in Vermont for a while - you want to avoid moose. In Vermont the State Police (or whoever) pick up the road kill, clean it and freeze it and then once a year they have a road kill sale - used to be $1 a pound. Talk about mystery meat...

VE said...

Is Michael Vick in your trunk again?

Janna said...

Subtorp: I googled it and saw pics of moose-car collisions. Ugly stuff, isn't it?

Grace: Eeeeew. Please tell me that the meat they scooped up wasn't the rotting kind with maggots in it.

VE: Maybe I should go check...,

subtorp77 said...

Janna, yeah pretty bad. Whe nI lived in Germany( the second time ), a farmer was herding his cattle over an over-pass...not sure what spooked the one cow but it jumped off the bridge and SMASH! right on top of a passing car. There were no survivors on either side...

And Grace mentioned roadkill...Mom knew a lady, waaaay out in the boonies that lived off of it( hurl... ). And her old land-lady was actually banned from the town dump( um...I mean waste reclamation centre ), for "picking"...

Travis said...

I did hit a deer once. It is not something I would recommend.

MikeWJ at Too Many Mornings said...

Travis -- I got drunk and hit on a deer once. I really don't recommend that!

Janna said...

Subtorp: Eww.

Travis: I believe you!

MikeWJ: Careful with those beer goggles!

whall said...

See the anti-hunting crowd will get their come-uppins.

Janna said...

Whall: I hope this doesn't qualify as "hunting". If it does I may have to get a license pretty soon. Are birds and groundhogs in season yet?