Too tired to wonder why there's a hamster wheel in my brain

While browsing through some of my old Twitters, I happened to notice a few recurring themes. One is that I am tired a lot.
This comes as no surprise, considering my brain often feels like it's being run by a hamster and a gerbil who are supposed to run on that little exercise wheel thingy but often end up fighting about philosophical issues instead. One of them ("Squeaky") always ends up backing down, but that's just because the other one ("Bruce") doesn't know when to just let things drop.
So the wheel never turns, and I end up standing there wondering where I left my car keys.

Where was I?
Oh. Yes.
I Twitter about being tired a lot.

And apparently I tend to search for eccentric ways to say it.

Here are some examples.

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I am so tired I could fall asleep even while being flogged with strands of fettucine alfredo. And freshly ground pepper.
--09:06 AM June 20, 2008
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I have been awake all night. It's almost 4:30 in the morning and I am so tired I could spray paint a panda. See, that made no sense.
--03:24 AM August 09, 2008
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So tired I could poke a pine tree and call it Dudley.
--6:38 PM Oct 29th, 2008
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I'm so tired i could float in a vat of split pea soup and not even notice.
--1:02 AM Dec 24th, 2008
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So tired I could drop crackers on a flamingo's hard drive. It's too late to make sense. Oh, look; there's my bed....
--11:24 PM Jan 6th, 2009
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So tired I can't even throw strawberry jello into a ceiling fan. Which is good, 'cuz I wouldn't be able to move out of the way fast enough.
--12:30 AM Mar 16th, 2009
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So tired I could throw pink styrofoam balls at a lactose-intolerant walrus while humming the James Bond theme in a WalMart cart.
--June 9th, 2009
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.
One solution could be to clone myself, so I can make my copies do all the tiring stuff.
But, that wouldn't be a good idea. (I've seen Multiplicity; I know how these things turn out.)

I suppose I could try taking a multivitamin or something. I have a whole bottle of them right here; I just almost always forget to take any. (Tired AND forgetful. And... wait... what was I saying..?)

Another possibility could be to eat more chocolate, which has caffeine in it.
Ahhhh...
Let the healing begin.
.