Thursday, October 16, 2008

I'm not pregnant, I swear

No, really. (Despite what you might think after reading last Saturday's post.)

On Sunday night I went to the store and realized I was craving pickles.
And not just any pickles. I wanted the ones that are in the refrigerated section. The extra crunchy ones that are advertised by that stork with the Groucho Marx accent.
I wanted to be immersed in that cold, garlicky, pickley crunch.
So I got a jar of them-- an entire quart.
And I couldn't even wait til I got home.
I sat in the parking lot and ate half a quart of cold pickles.
Half a quart!

They were delicious.

Rest assured I usually do not crave jars of pickles. I don't know what came over me.

Did I mention I'm positive I'm not pregnant?

Here are thirteen things I'm much more likely to crave.
Since most of them have a quintillion calories, I don't have them very often.
But I can dream.

1. Tacos
Either from a restaurant or homemade. Plenty of hot sauce and cheese. The very best are at this Mexican Restaurant in Adrian MI called "El Chapaulin" ("The Grasshopper").

2. Crab Cakes
I can be bribed very easily with crab cakes. Make a note.

3. Fettucine Alfredo
Especially if it's from The Olive Garden.

4. Shrimp Scampi with rice pilaf
Lots of garlic and butter and a few calories sprinkled on top for good measure.

5. Bacon Barbecue Cheeseburgers
My own recipe. A cheeseburger with lotsa bacon, topped with barbecue sauce. Artery blockage in convenient hand-held form!

6. Lemon Bars
I can't make them, but I love them. Especially when they're extra lemony.

7. General Tso's Chicken
Extra hot and spicy, please. Bonus points if there's an egg roll with it.

8. Spaghetti and Meatballs
Just the basic recipe, with plenty of parmesan cheese and garlic bread.

9. Sweet and Sour Meatballs
Those party thingies you find in a crock pot? Yum. Spear me a few dozen and set me on a sofa somewhere.

10. Swedish Meatballs
Are you noticing a "meatball" theme here? Feel free to analyze this during your free time.

11. Tuna Casserole
Not just any tuna casserole. It has to be my grandmother's recipe, which is cheesy and creamy and exceedingly yummy.

12. Hot fudge sundae made with Haagen Dazs chocolate ice cream and at least three maraschino cherries, with Dove hot fudge lovingly poured over the whole thing in a warm choco-gasm of joy.
I think I gained three pounds just by writing that.

13. BBQ Ribs
Proud carnivore since 1970. Pass the napkins.
And now I feel like I need to eat salads for a week, to make up for writing this list.


Bear said...

I see you don't crave sex... I guess you and I were never fated to be together.

Thirteen things I crave...
1. Sex

2. Food

3. Sex OR Food

4. Food OR Sex

5. Food

6. Sex

7. Sex AND Food

8. Food AND Sex

9. Food WITH Sex

10. Sex WITH ... (oh hang on, this one doesn't sound wholesome) but hey, it's only a craving... Sex WITH Food.

11. Pepto-Bismol

12. Pepto-Bismol AND Sex

13. A lie down, without sex. (but only occasionally)

whall said...

Janna: what Wayne is, only slightly more female.

It is absolutely scary how alike we are.

Janna said...

Bear: Well, of course this list was only for FOOD things I crave... I, um... like your list too. Though the older I get, the better #13 sounds.

Whall: Yes! We both love tacos, and neither one of us is pregnant!

Anonymous said...

I make the world's greatest lemon bars - let me know if you want the recipe - it's easy and ohhh, so yummy. and what's wrong with craving pickles? BBQ ribs? Ohh, be still my beating heart and fried chicken - real, homemade fried chicken...I gotta stop I am getting so hungry and there is nothing in the house to eat but some Entermann's donuts

Evil Genius said...

Not pregnant here either, but I could eat those crispy pickles and those ice cream sundaes EVERY DAY!!!

Of course, after about a month I probably wouldn't be able to move or get out my front door to purchase any more of them, so that would put a stop to the whole "eating what you crave most" deal.

Sigh. Dare to dream, my friend.

Da Old Man said...

I have to call Mrs. and have her bring home General Tso's tonight with an egg roll.

xup said...

An usual food craving like this could actually be a sign of iron deficiency. You should have it checked out. Seriously.

Marilyn said...

I'm with you on every single item except the tuna casserole. I never met one I liked, but then I never met your grandmother's.

Travis said...

TACOS! I may have to begin capitalizing TACOS the way I do CAKE.

Janna said...

BroadwayMatron: So far my best lemon bar recipe is this:
1) Drive to store
2) Buy lemon bars
3) Eat lemon bars.

EvilGenius: Me too, except I wouldn't want the pickles at the same time as the sundaes. :)

DaOldMan: Yum!!

Xup: Pickles have iron?

Marilyn: It's yummy. Sorta like macaroni and cheese, only with tuna and creamy mushroom sauce.

Travis: Good idea!

just a girl... said...

okay pickles i had the same issue tonight. And no also not pregnant.

1. sex
2. Caymus Wine
3. Sushi
4. Or any Ahi tuna
5. Brie
6. Lucky charms
7. My moms potato soup
8. Vanilla shake my x used to make
9. Queen Olives
10. Creme Brulee
12. Dirty Maritni
13. Sleep

Faiqa said...

My list would be "Enchiladas" (Repeat 13 times). Came here via whall. Don't tell him, though. I don't want him to think he has any influence over me WHATSOEVER.

Janna said...

JustAGirl: I've only had five of those. (I'll let people guess which five. :)

Faiqa: Ooooh, I love enchiladas too! I promise not to tell Whall. :) Welcome!

xup said...

NO pickles don’t have iron, it’s just a quirk of your body to have weird cravings when it’s low in iron. It’s called pica – some people eat dirt or bushels of apples or hair or 12 bananas in one sitting or whatever. It’s not what’s in the stuff you crave, it’s the fact that you had this unusual/obsessive craving. Really, go check your iron. Taking vitamins isn’t supposed to be like an instant zap or anything – it’s a long term effects kind of thing where if you’re without the right amount of vitamins and minerals in your body, things wear down over time and the effects might not be felt for 10 or 20 years – except IRON – which if you don’t get enough NOW might make you very sick indeed and fairly quickly.

Janna said...

Xup: Alas, I have no health insurance, and not enough income to afford any kind of tests. Still, I kinda doubt that I have an iron deficiency. I think I eat enough red meat, really! :) As far as the vitamin thing, I wasn't expecting any kind of "instant zap". I took the vitamins as directed over the course of a month or two. (I forget how many were in the bottle). It wasn't an overnight thing. I promise.

Now that we've cleared that up, let's go eat steak! And spinach salad! And rusty nails!