Tuesday, August 26, 2008

This must be how it works

Even though I can't keep plants alive, I still wistfully admire the beautiful plants and flower gardens other people have.

Occasionally I like browsing through garden/nursery catalogs, enjoying the pretty pictures and wondering what people have to do to keep these lovely plants from dying.

I'm beginning to suspect it requires some shady deal with the underworld.

Aspiring Gardener: "I'd love to have some of these roses. And those hostas! Ooooh, and just look at those beautiful ferns. I'll take all three."

Satan: "They'll be dead within a week."

Aspiring Gardener: "No, no, you must have me confused with Janna. My name is Susan Stinkledorf."

Satan: "If you want the roses AND the hosta, it's gonna cost you. Just a sec, lemme look in the blue book to find out what your soul is worth....."

Aspiring Gardener: "My... my what?"

Satan: "Oh, and you wanted the ferns too, right? Tell ya what, I'll make you a deal. I'll let all three plants live, plus your worst enemy will get indigestion for a week. All it will cost is your soul, your firstborn, and that really cool watch you're wearing. Sound ok?"

Aspiring Gardener: "Is that the same deal you offered Janna?"

Satan: "Nah; she didn't have anything I wanted. She's got no firstborn, she doesn't wear a watch, and her soul has hardened into a bitter black lump of coal."

Aspiring Gardener: "How unfortunate."

Satan: "Quite. Now, would you like some potting soil and fertilizer to go with these? It's on sale today."


whall said...

Maybe the hardened soul-coal can be ground up and fed to the plants?

Janna said...

Whall: Would that increase or decrease my carbon footprint?

Meloncutter said...

Dang... I have had heartburn for a week. With gas.

I put up a new banner. You should check it out. I even linked it to the designers site.

Thank you.

Later Y'all.

metalmom said...

My thumbs (and soul) are blacker than black.

Evil Genius said...

LOL. Good to know I'm not the only one with black thumbs.

Marilyn said...

I used to think I could at least grow cactuses but when Andy moved out the cactuses died.

Maybe he was watering them behind my back.

Trukindog said...

Heh you must be plant shoppin at Lowes.

Janna said...

Melon: Yaaaay!!! Thanks!

Metalmom: On the bright side, it will match all your outfits.

EvilGenius: Comforting, isn't it?

Marilyn: Or poisoned them right before he left....

Trukindog: I don't think I've ever been to a Lowe's. I've seen them but have no reason to set foot inside one. Are you saying they have lousy plants? I'll keep that in mind! :)

Mo said...

I'm the new Gardening editor over at Wiki Answers!

Janna said...

Morgen: And yet I'm willing to bet that even you can not save me. Can I borrow your soul?