Saturday, February 9, 2008

The great plant graveyard

One thing I haven't seen yet in my mailbox is the usual influx of gardening catalogs. It seems like every year, a couple months before springtime, I get stuff from a couple places that actually think I can keep plants alive.
Plants hate me.
I like them, they hate me.
It's been this way for as long as I can remember.
Even now, living in a place with space for four different flower beds, I have failed miserably.
Part of this is the fact that chlorophyll-based life forms have little particles flowing through their veins which, when viewed through a microscope, say "We hate Janna."
Part of it is also due to the fact that my neighbor has chickens which sometimes roam around on my property and peck at any plant they want. Even when I tried planting "hard to kill" things, they died anyway because the chickens scratched around and ruined them.
I suppose it's possible that word of this has finally gotten back to the gardening catalogs, and they have wisely chosen to remove me from their mailing lists.
On a side note, I haven't seen the chickens for quite awhile, so I'm optimistic about the possibility that they have entered the food chain.


Mr. Fabulous said...

You neighbors have chickens? What, do you live in the middle of hillbillyville?

whall said...

I thought "chlorophyll" was latin for "anti-janna heebeejeebees"

And we have neighbors with goats, cows, pigs, chickens, whatever. We're thinking of getting some goats so we can get the Ag exemption. They probably will pay for themselves each year, and we could even sell off a couple here and there as they breed and make some money.

Mo said...

At least you tried plants. And you haven't gone the White Trash way of sticking plastic plants and flowers around your home. Nothing says creepy more than plastic poinsettias in your flowerbeds in the middle of summer.

Janna said...

Mr. Fab: It feels that way sometimes.

Whall: Be exotic. Get a herd of alpacas.

Morgen: How about if I have plastic poinsettias PLUS a statue of the Wishbone Man?

Kelley said...

I kill all form of plantlife. I lovingly tend to them and they die.

Yet I was allowed to have children.

The only plant I have successfully keep alive was a cyclamen. And apparently they are temperamental bastards and die easily. But I found the secret! Forget about it and then run over it with your car and the thing will live for years!

Mo said...

Yes, cyclamen ARE notoriously temperamental plants and not easy to keep!

Janna: just the thought of a wishbone man statue amongst plastic poinsettias gives me the willies!

Janna said...

Morgen: Imagine plastic poinsettias, Wishbone Man, AND beef drapes!

Wayne said...

yep! The only good chickens are dead chickens. Deep fried of course too!

Janna said...

Wayne: And barbecued, and in fajitas, and sweet-and sour, and stir fry, and nuggets, and thin deli sliced...

Janna said...

Kelley: (Sorry I missed you earlier! Forgive me!) I like cyclamen. At least they look pretty in the catalogs. No doubt they'd shrivel up and die if they were actually in my care. Glad you can keep them, though! :)

Turnbaby said...

On a side note, I haven't seen the chickens for quite awhile, so I'm optimistic about the possibility that they have entered the food chain


I'm good with the outdoor stuff. As for indoor plants I am a serial plant killer.

Janna said...

Turnbaby: So as soon as they start to die, rush them outside and wait for them to recover... then bring them back in. You can toy with their pathetic little lives for at least a few months that way!