Thursday, June 26, 2008

With no one watching....

As I mentioned yesterday on Twitter, one of the things about being single and alone is that you can eat a blueberry donut for your dinner, and no one says anything.

Other things I can do while I'm single, that might seem odd to a significant other:

1) Spend eight hours listening to the exact same song over and over and over again.
2) Keep a box of Triscuits and a can of spray cheese next to the computer.
3) Stay up til five in the morning, wondering why I'm not asleep
4) Talk to my cats, demonstrating how to poop in a toilet instead of on the floor
5) Spontaneously start singing Monty Python songs for no reason
6) Walk outside in the middle of the night and point up at the sky as if I see a UFO there, wondering if the neighbors (or passing motorists) notice.
7) Talk to an imaginary butler named "Orrington" and ask him why nothing ever gets done around here.
8) Write weird poems called "Janku" that nobody seems to like except Whall.
9) Eat Twizzlers while pretending I'm a giant bulldog chewing my leash off
10) Light a candle to mourn the loss of the Chicken Club Chalupa from the Taco Bell menu.
11) And, while we're at it, let's mourn the loss of the Cheesy Gordita Crunch too.
12) Make up new swear words no one else understands, like "Zartch!"
13) Pretend I'm on a cooking show called "People who barely care enough to turn the microwave on."


whall said...

What I like about your list is you have spill-over in the activities.

1) You can use the Taco Bell Rememberence candles to help after your feline defecation training sessions.
2) You have Orrington to stand outside with you so you don't feel so odd.
3) The song you play repetitively is probably, turn the zartching microwave on, you lazy twizzler-guzzling giant!

Morgiana Le Fey said...

*i* like jankus...

they go good with those left over packets of taco bell fire sauce that i accumulated in my fridge during the last run of the cheesy gordita crunches...

*buuuUUUUUUURAAAP!!!* mmm, tasty!


Avitable said...

I do 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, and 12 already!


wolf said...

If I were to tell you all of the odd things I do on a regular basis, you might wonder why it is I'm not still single.

Luckily, I have a very understanding wife. Really. As in: she deserves medals.

Janna said...

Whall: Plus, Orrington sings harmony on the Monty Python songs.

Morgian: There's no such thing as too much fire sauce!

Avitable: Actually I'm surprised you don't do the Twizzler-bulldog thing. I can totally see you doing that.

Wolf: Send her PLENTY of flowers. Often.

Gwenhwyfar said...

Okay first, this is why I'm quite happy being single (along with many other reasons) and second, why can't you do this when you're NOT single?

Marilyn said...

All in all, having been both married and single, single is easier. Husbands are so bossy.

Evil Genius said...

The thing I miss most about being single? I don't think I've actually held a tv remote in, like, five years. ...Sigh...

Janna said...

Gwen: Weeellll, I suppose I could, but I might be labeled as a nut. Unless I could find a guy who considered that to be endearing...

Marilyn: Are they? Can you smack them?

EvilGenius: Hide the batteries. :)

Gwenhwyfar said...

Just for the record, I find it endearing.

Grumpus. said...

#9 made me nose-whistle laugh.

One thing I miss about being single is digging out old make up I never wear and decking my face out tranny style, whilst drinking gin & tonics and listening to break dance music. "The roof..the roof...the roof is on fire..."

I have also considered renting a motel room for the day just so I can cook macaroni and eat it out of the pot while watching Judge Judy and the Golden Girls episodes. Preferably while laying on a champagne-coloured bedspread.

Significant others totally cramp ones' style.

Travis said...

The good news is that we'll always have tacos.


Janna said...

Gwen: Awwww! :)

Grumpus: Wow, is there really an actual song about the roof being on fire??
Macaroni and cheese sounds good.

Travis: Yes! Yes, we will. :) In fact, I had some for dinner today. :)

Charlene said...

it appears that you are reading my mind~~~~~~~
there are so many of those that sound like something i would say~~
i don't think they are odd at all

Janna said...

Charlene: Do you have Triscuits and spray cheese next to the computer?