Thursday, June 19, 2008

Note to self: Behave Suspiciously

One of the neat things my new computer has is something called Google Earth. You can see actual satellite images of ANYPLACE on the planet. And it's kinda scary how detailed they get.... sometimes.
I've peeked at all sorts of places on the globe, like Buckingham Palace, Easter Island, Egypt, the Bahamas, and islands I never knew existed. Some are tiny pimple dots out in the middle of the ocean, yet when you zoom in, you find that there's a real island out there, with beaches and trees and everything.
Here's what annoys me, though. The resolution isn't the same everywhere. Those teeny pimple-islands out in the middle of nowhere? They have GREAT resolution. It's breathtaking.
But Michigan? We have lousy resolution. Fuzzy and meaningless.

Here, lemme demonstrate.

This is the closest I can get to seeing a view of my property.
(Click to enlarge).
Obviously the green stuff is forest. The beige stuff is fields. I'm somewhere around that dark orange field, I think. But I can't see ANY houses at all. The rest of Michigan is mostly just as bad (Except for the BIG cities). This bugs me. Am I not important enough to be monitored by government satellites? Have I not acted peculiar enough? Must I ramp it up a notch just so I can see my property more clearly?

In stark contrast, here is a satellite view of one of YOUR houses.
(I won't say who.... or which house it is.)

See how much better the resolution is there?
I'm jealous.

And here's a teeny tiny group of islands out in the Indian Ocean, halfway between India and Australia. They're the Cocos Islands.... Here's an overall view:
(click to enlarge)
Look at that! You can see the surface of the ocean! See the waves? See the clouds? See the shadow of the clouds on the ocean? Wow!
And here is a close-up of the northernmost tip of West Island.
(click to enlarge)

See all that detail? See the individual TREES? And the roads?
Why not have THAT much detail in rural Michigan, where lots more people live?

Clearly I need to do something to make the satellites look more closely at my part of the planet.

Here are some possibilities:

1) Announce that every Thursday is "bend over naked" day.
2) Start rumor that I have secretly developed a car which gets 90 miles per gallon every time George Bush mispronounces the word "nuclear".
3) Declare war on Indiana. No reason.
4) Start making crop circles in the nearby fields.
5) Send anonymous message to Washington that Michigan is thinking of joining Canada.
6) Kidnap several people from the Cocos Islands and take them to Detroit. (Assuming "several" people actually live there to kidnap)
7) Take a trip to NASA headquarters, roam aimlessly outside the gates, and talk loudly to self, saying "If only YOU knew what I KNOW about Michigan!"
8) Declare war on Ohio. No reason.
9) Spray paint a bunch of arrows pointing across US highways, pointing toward Michigan.
10) Send Michigan postcard to the creator of Google Earth, with message on back, saying "This just in! Michigan is POPULATED!"
11) Step outside and shout really loud up at the satellites: "I'm over HERE! Over HERE!"
12) Declare war on Illinois. No reason.
13) Buy a hot-air balloon and a good digital camera, and just float above my property and take my own pictures.

Wish me luck.


Robin said...

I vote:

8) Declare war on Ohio. No reason.

For no reason...

whall said...

#9 is the winner.

My photos are very very detailed. They were detailed back in year 2000 when I first went to Google Earth and got an aerial shot of our property.

I mean, detailed enough to clearly see our Explorer in the driveway.

A blog post from me back in September 2007 shows the stunning detail also available on MSN live.

I also reveal a little conspiracy theory about the sun and shadows.

Lynda said...

If a war with Indiana is what you want, a war with Indiana is what you'll get!!

:shakes fists:

Lynda said...

The van is still across the street for you though, right? RIGHT?

Lynda said...

Yes, I had to make separate comments. It's all part of my plan to innudate your blog with comments from Indiana.


Gwenhwyfar said...

I'm voting for #5. Actually I might just do that for shits and giggles.

Shelli said...

I think I must be considered somewhat dangerous because you can see the shed and playground in my back yard and the driveway with cars in it in my front yard.

Shelli said...


Janna said...

Robin: You can be our wartime correspondent or something. Unless you're too busy with all that post-wedding stuff. :)

Whall: Excellent! See, THAT's the kind of detail I'd like to have. Now, pardon me while I make some stalker notes on your property...

Lynda: Or maybe Indiana and Michigan can team up and kick Ohio's ass.

Gwen: Fab already thinks we belong to Canada anyway. Might as well make it official.

Shelli: Really? I remember clicking around your city while I was searching, but can't remember anything specific. Your town is a LOT bigger than mine, which isn't saying much. My little town has no stoplights. None at all. We have exactly one fast food establishment, and it's a Subway built into the town's only Shell station. Sad.

** said...

Oh I know! there is nothing as far as "around here" goes..I do love looking at back home in NY and in Allentown where I used to live I can see my backyard there! lol..not much for here though..too much farm land i'm guessing!

Janna said...

Patti: Hi, there! Look, everyone, it's someone else from Litchfield! See, she can corroborate everything I've said. It's a tiny town.... yet still more densely populated than these little pimple islands in the middle of nowhere which are crystal clear on Google Earth. I just don't understand.

Unknown said...

In the picture of your neighborhood, I think I can just pick you out laying naked in your back yard.


Thats hot.

Later Y'all.

Gwenhwyfar said...

I had to check this shit out for myself and Google Earth seems to zoom in suspiciously close to my house. It's kinda freakin me out actually. It's like they're watching me...

Anonymous said...

When I looked, I got a view of the house down the street. (Alas, not the house with the good looking men)

When Babygirl looked, she got a very close up shot of the house and me with a stroller on the front lawn!!!

Janna said...

Meloncutter: Trust me, my neighbors would not appreciate that. They might even call the cops...

Gwen: Well, sure, I'd expect them to keep a close eye on YOU.... They probably know all about the caskets and the grim reaper thingy....

Metalmom: Good thing they didn't get any shots of you passed out on the front lawn! (er... I mean... not that you DO that.... often)...

Travis Cody said...

Have you considered that if you were to act in a perfectly normal fashion, that this would be peculiar enough to get the high resolution satellites turned on you 24/7/365?

Just a thought.

Marilyn said...

Can any state join Canada or do you have to be next to them?

Janna said...

Travis: What a great idea! I don't know if I can do it, though....

Marilyn: I think you have to be next to them. Maybe not, though; look at Alaska. It's in the US even though it's way up there between Canada and Russia. We should send postcards to Canada and ask them about it.