Thursday, January 31, 2008

Thirteen Things To Do Today

I had something really important scheduled for today, but it got canceled.
Long story.
So now I have to find other ways to spend my time.
Here are thirteen possibilities:

1. Find fountain of youth (look in closet this time)

2. Point at random people and say "Wow, you're still alive!!"

3. Express gratitude for whoever invented pizza. (Until a specific name is revealed, just thank "The Italians")

4. Poke left boob a few times

5. Eat a sandwich

6. Explain to the cats what "non-renewable energy source" means

7. Find out what would happen if I ate 500 grams of fiber

8. Learn to speak Canadian, and become a translator for the U.N.

9. Go to nearest gas station and start dancing in circles around the pumps for no reason.

10. Make up a pretend country named "Tinkerflox" and compose its national anthem. Nominate several bloggers to serve as its parliament. Crown self as Queen, then complain about the dwindling power of the monarchy.

11. Poke right boob a few times

12. Create reclining chair with skis on the bottom, so I can be lazy and outdoorsy at the same time, drinking a refreshing beverage while plummeting down a snowy slope

13. Memorize names for all the bones in the body. Rename them as people. Examples:
Femur would now be called "Sue."
Clavicle is now "Orville."
Tailbone is now "Bradley."
Third rib on the right is "Ebenezer."
Maybe the humerus could be "Janna".

That would look really great on a resume.


onionboy said...

I'll show you a bone you can rename.

Mr. Fabulous said...

The Fountain of Youth is down here in St. Augustine. I'll send it back up.

barbara said...

Hi Janna,
I'd love the recliner with skis, too. One problem; it hasen't snowed in Paris since the last 3 years...
Bummers for that one !

Have fun today if you can ;)

Empress Bee (of the High Sea) said...

i'd like to nominate the ulna for elmer if i may...

smiles, bee

onionboy said...

Ha! I just know I took Mr Fab's line.

Mo said...

My Bradley is aching....

and I'll bet yours will be, too, if you eat 500 grams of fiber!

the108 said...

May I suggest something I frequently do when I'm bored? Go around speaking really loudly at people in a foreign accent. It's fun, especially when someone calls the cops on you.

Shelli said...

Don't do number 7, it won't end well. I totally think that we should do number 10. That would be awesome!

Gwenhwyfar said...

Ummm... just a few things.

4. Still waiting for you to come and poke my left boob.

8. I can help you with this one, but keep in mind that there are several dialects. Newfie being the most difficult. Unless you're dunk (which I can also help you with).

10. Can I be the head of the war department? Or Canadian ambassador or something?

11. Still waiting for you to come and poke my right boob.

13. Can you name your right knee cap Edgar and the left Bernard? Thanks.

amisare waswerebeen said...

I think I have had that much fiber at once when I ate a whole package of McVitie's cookies in London. It was only after I ate it with a friend that we realized how much fiber and calories are in each cookie. I think we covered a week's worth of both.

Disappointingly, not much happened. I slept good that night anyway.

Kenno said...

I am ready to do your bidding my queen. If I get much older the fountain of youth is going to have to be the size of Lake Michigan. So, if it is that big, it probably won't be in my closet.

Great sense of humor. I will be back!

Janna said...

Onionboy: Should it be named "Dick"?

Mr. Fab: Then why are there so many old people in Florida?

Barbara: I'll try! :)

Bee: Elmer it is!

Onionboy: LOL! You probably DID! :)

Morgen: Is there a particular reason why your Bradley is hurting?

The108: Ooooh, nice!!

Shelli: You can be the Surgeon General of Tinkerflox!

Gwen: You are now officially the Canadian ambassador to Tinkerflox.

Amisare: Really? Not much happened? Wow....

Kenno: Welcome! Come back soon!

Travis said...

Glad to see that you are an equal opportunity boob poker.


You knew someone was going to say it.

Anonymous said...

The score for Tinkerflox's national anthem should be written for and only be allowed to be played by French Horns. Then you rename them Tinkerflox Horns. Tinkerflox will then be the horniest country on the planet.
It had to be said...

Gwenhwyfar said...

Fuck yeah! Do I get diplomatic immunity?

Janna said...

Peggy: Excellent idea!!

Gwen: Well... that would depend on what crimes you plan on committing.

Janna said...

Travis: I believe in fairness.

Gwenhwyfar said...

Would it help if I said I wasn't planning on killing you?

Janna said...

Gwen: If you promise to kill all my enemies, NOT kill me or any of my loved ones, and help me with my usual duties of stalking Fab, then we can probably work out a deal.
Fab made me his official sidekick last year, and one of your duties might be to kill anyone else who tries to claim the title. You're cool with that, right?

Gwenhwyfar said...

I'm down with that.

Janna said...

Gwen: Excellent.