The Flying Turtle (a cautionary tale)

Once upon a time, there was a turtle named Fred. Fred's only friends were a frog and a rabbit (Gene and Trina).
They all lived in a medium-sized forest with a lot of other woodland creatures.
One morning, Fred saw a plane flying overhead and wished he could fly.
"Why can't I fly?" He asked his two friends.
Gene and Trina looked at each other knowingly. "Well, you did score pretty low on all those aptitude tests."
"Well, that's just because I partied a little too hard the night before the test."
"We ALL partied," Gene reminded him. "But you were the only one who got so drunk you flipped over backward onto your shell and started singing 'Woops I Did It Again' at the top of your lungs until we all flipped you back over again."
"Well, um...."
"And you paid one of the slutty raccoons to spray paint 'Always Hard' on the back of your shell," Trina reminded him.
Fred stifled a chuckle. "Heh. Yeah. That WAS pretty cool. We totally made out later that night, too."
Trina rolled her eyes.
Gene patted Fred's shell in sympathy. "Look, man, just be happy with who you are. Turtles aren't supposed to fly. They're just supposed to.... I dunno, sit around and slowly do 'turtley' things."
"But I want to FLY! Please, just once, will the two of you throw me up into the sky so I can see what it's like?"
Gene and Trina started to protest until Fred reminded them that he could always just lay around and sing "Achy Breaky Heart" instead.
So they obliged him and threw him as far up into the air as they could, with the aid of a nearby branch which served as a catapult.
Up, up, UP he went.
"I'm flying! I'm FLYING!" he shouted.
The whole forest heard him shouting, even the slutty raccoon who had let him get to second base a few weeks ago.
"I'm flying!!" He repeated for the benefit of anyone who might not have heard. "I'M--"
BANG!!
A nearby hunter who was unfortunately nearsighted mistook him for a pheasant and blasted him to bits.
"What the hell?" Shouted the hunter.
"Aw, crap!!" Shouted Gene and Trina.
"Noooo!!!" Shouted the slutty raccoon. "I was going to let him go all the way tonight!"
"Finally," muttered the rest of the forest. "Now we don't have to listen to any more lousy singing."
"Mmmgghhhff, rwfff," said the hunter's dog, Zeke, who had found the turtle's remains and was trying to taste them.

Moral of the story #1: You might as well be happy with who you are, because you'll kill yourself trying to be anybody else.

Moral of the story #2: If you do things that annoy people around you, don't be surprised if they help hasten your demise, like whispering to a hunter "Look! A pheasant!"

P.S. The slutty raccoon was actually bisexual and was only using Fred to get into bed with Trina.
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