I should have asked for thirty instead

'Twas the day after Christmas
A nice chilly winter
And I microwaved
A burrito for dinner

I stayed in my nightgown
And scratched where it itched
"Why bother to shower?"
I grumbled and bitched

Out on the porch
There arose such a clatter
I ignored it and shrugged
What the hell does it matter?

So imagine my shock
When old Santa appeared
Vodka fumes on his breath
Cookie crumbs in his beard

Reindeer crap on his boot
And a faint smell of pee
Crispy stains on his suit
And he looked right at me

"You weren't all that good,"
He said, checking the log
"But still, keep on writing;
The elves love your blog."

So we haggled a deal
'Til we both were in luck
I flashed him my boobs
And I got twenty bucks.
.