Sunday, November 25, 2007

50 Ways To Completely Annoy Me

1. Tailgate me.
2. Drive slow in front of me.
3. Inflict your children on me, and excuse their bad behavior by saying that they're "just being kids."
4. Nag me.
5. Lie to me.
6. Reject me.
5. Interrupt me.
8. Give me pizza with onions on it and tell me "Oh, you can just pick them off."
9. Incorrectly play music I have written
10. Play an instrument out of tune.
11. Sing off-key.
12. Misspell plural nouns by using an apostrophe.
13. Misspell possessive pronouns by using an apostrophe.
14. Mispronounce the word "nuclear."
15. Mispronounce (or misspell) the word "asterisk."
16. If you're Google, drop my page rank on the blogs where I do paid ads.
17. Send me spam messages.
18. In 90-degree summer weather, say "Oh, isn't it a beautiful day out there today?"
19. In 60-degree weather, complain that you are "freezing".
20. If it's raining, and I express reluctance to walk outside, say, "Oh, you won't melt!"
21. Express heartfelt admiration for George Bush.
22. Smoke when I am trying to eat.
23. Block my usual driving routes with road construction.
24. Be sexist.
25. Be a closed-minded skeptic.
26. Poop on my carpet.
27. Raise the price of gasoline.
28. Write me a traffic ticket.
29. Screw up my order at the drive-thru window.
30. Complain that "medium" salsa is too hot for you.
31. Tell me to "speak up."
32. Ask me to repeat myself.
33. Drool on me.
34. Honk at me.
35. Misquote me.
36. Betray me.
37. Drink my blood.
38. Say "Axed" instead of "Asked."
39. Pee on me.
40. Snore.
41. Inflict your dog on me, and laugh when I appear uncomfortable.
42. Be a tech support person who does not speak English well enough to do a good job in customer service.
43. Make me wait for something I should not have to wait for.
44. Charge me the wrong price at the cash register.
45. Imply that I am overreacting.
46. Leave pre-recorded political messages on my answering machine.
47. Take the parking space I wanted.
48. Abuse women.
49. Re-gift something I gave you.
50. Get disgusted when I try to flirt with you.
This is by no means the entire list, just the first fifty in no particular order.
Have a nice day.


Turnbaby said...

I'm with you on most things on this list but I couldn't help but wonder about the "drink my blood"one;-)

Janna said...

Turnbaby: Mosquitoes. And vampires too, I suppose. But mostly mosquitoes.

Marilyn said...

I don't know... some of those don't bother me that much. I'd much rather drive behind a slowpoke than be tailgated. Some drivers act like I'm breaking some law by going the speed limit.

On the other hand, there is no such thing as overreacting to the checker that overcharges me and doesn't think it's a big deal. I know her cushy job doesn't pay well enough that she can afford to be treated like that.

Sodapop said...

I could copy and paste this entire list over as my list of pet peeves. Awesome list.

Google did the same thing to my brother too, lowered his page rank. On all his blogs. It's really hurt his income.

Matt-Man said...

If I axed you to repeat this list would you overreact? Cheers!!

Mr. Fabulous said...

Can I abuse men?

Janna said...

Marilyn: You're not one of "those" people who stubbornly insists on going 25 in a 25 zone, are you? .... ARE you???

Sodapop: I think we should all band together in a big angry mob and take huge flaming torches to the Google headquarters while shouting unkind epithets.

Matt-man: Aaaaauuuggghhh!!

Mr. Fab: Absolutely!

katherine. said...

so basically you must be the most regular person in the world....


Janna said...

Katherine: Wow, no one's ever called me that before!

katherine. said...

not regular as in normal....

I'm just sayin'...if all those things result in the shit being out of ya...

Janna said...

Katherine: Ohhhh. NOW I get it. Yes, um, regularity is very important. If the things on the list don't do it, I try to get more fiber in my diet.

Nancy Lindquist-Liedel said...

Except the world is full of people who will do these things, a lot. Some by accident, most not trying to annoy you. Most sorrowful that they upset you.

Robin said...

I'm right there especially with the kids being kids part and tailgating. I will admit, I'm a wimp when it comes to salsa.

Mo said...

Can I ax you why its okay for you to re-gift (dick mints, anyone?), but why its not okay for me to re-gift the dick mint's?
Don't overreact, now or this will be "51 Weighs To Completely Annoy The Schniz Out Of Me"

the teach said...

But, Janna, how about people who use the Express Line at the supermarket when they have more than the designated number of items in their basket? And then when you mention it (which I do now)get nasty and tell you how much of a hurry they are in. Like that's a legitimate excuse. Or like some guy told me "You should have my troubles." Again his troubles allow the misuse of the Express Line for him and him alone. Anyway (notice I say "anyway" NOT "anyways") just thought I'd blow off some steam, hope you don't mind...:)

Come visit me at Work of the Poet

Janna said...

Nancy: Ah, but you're missing the point. Venting is GOOD. Lists like these are cathartic and therapeutic. It's healthy. It keeps things from bottling up and exploding into heart attacks and strokes. It helps keep me sane. That's what this blog is for.

Robin: Well, at least we agree about kids, huh?

Morgen: You and Matt-man are both trying to drive me crazy! LOL! Actually I DO have an answer for you about the dick tarts. The difference is that I made sure to ask Jason beforehand if it was ok for me to give those to you. It seemed like something better suited to your tastes. :) He happily gave me permission to do so. Whereas I don't think I'd ever give someone permission to re-gift something I gave them.
I know, I know, "Hypocrite, party of one, your table is ready..."

Teach: Oh, yes, I agree completely! Maybe that can be on my next list of fifty, if I ever do this again. :)

Robin said...

Yes, it's something we can hold onto.

Janna said...

Robin: Exactly. Hallmark should make a movie about us. Fab could provide the comic relief. Or the commercials. Or the sex. Or something.

Robin said...

It brings tears to my eyes just imaging it!

Travis said...

Thank you for the owner's manual.


Janna said...

Robin: Then my work here is done.

Travis: (*gasp*) Hey!

Juby said...

I'm SOO sorry for 1, 9, 10, 11, 12, 14 and 33...but 33 wasn't after 50..actually..the opposite of 50. Chocolate anyone?

Janna said...

Kyle (Juby): Stop confusing me... Did someone say chocolate?

Marilyn said...

Janna: See? I knew you hated me. I've never, ever, had a speeding ticket. I've been in a couple of accidents and cars scare me.

Juby said...

lol I was referring to the chocolate sauce you suckled off of my finger in your drunkenness. Way HAWTT :-P.

Janna said...

Juby (Kyle): OMG. Really? I remember doing that to Jason and Shane and Steven, but not you! Wow! I really AM turning into a lush. I wonder what else I did that I don't remember??

Janna said...

Marilyn: So if you ever visit me over here, I'LL have to be the one who drives. Don't worry. I promise that at least one of us will make it home alive.