Thirteen delirious thoughts I might have had while I was very very sick

1) People would look better if there was a third ear right on the tip of their chin.

2) Look at all the dancing kangaroos! How do they stick to the ceiling like that?

3) My name is Gertrude and I play the accordion.

4) I will crush you with my magic super spleen of invincible-ness!

5) Maybe American Idol wasn't so bad after all.

6) The carpet is growing into my private jungle of solitude! Enter if you dare!

7) My consciousness is swirling into a dizzying centrifuge of marshmallows and graham cracker crumbs. Wait..... was that a square of chocolate?

8) You can have my first kidney, and maybe my second kidney, but you can never take my top secret hidden "third" kidney. It's in the witness protection program and is currently under a false name. I can't tell you the name, but it rhymes with "shiver".

9) I had no idea plaid flamingoes could sing so well!

10) When you stop to think about it, bran cereal is REALLY sexy.

11) If there were any flowers around, they could hear my thoughts.

12) Somewhere in South America is a pack of coyotes that ritualistically dedicate all their prey to the toes on my left foot.

13) Oh, look, it's a dozen tailgaters, and they're all being dropped head first into a big vat of vanilla pudding.... Quick, seal the lid before they can get out!!
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