Thursday, February 14, 2013

The Heart-Shaped Box Of Horrors

"What are you doing?"

"I'm making Valentine chocolates for all the guys who ever broke my heart."

"But they really hurt you... And you hate Valentine's Day.  So why???"

"Because they deserve it.  My special recipe is exactly what they need.  Say, please pass me that last box of Ex-Lax, will you?  I'm almost out."


Congratulations to everyone who survived Valentine's Day.

I may have said it best back in 2009, when my Feb 14th post said the following:

I hate this holiday with a passion usually reserved for infectious parasites, migraines, and onion breath.
My advice for today is to just lock yourself in a closet and eat as much chocolate as possible while rocking back and forth and mumbling "Dying alone isn't so bad... isn't so bad... isn't so bad..."

Of course, if you do that, you'll want to make sure the chocolate is completely free of Ex-Lax added by bitter lovers from years past.

Good luck with that.


Brian Miller said...

yikes...good thing i dont eat much chocolate....smiles...yeah i am not much for valentines...loves better every other day...smiles.

Janna said...

Brian: I agree. Valentine's Day is the itchy hemorrhoid of Satan.
But hey, have a nice day! :)

G-Man said...

Uh, I'll pass on the Chocolates, got any Skittles?
Once again Janna you have convinced me never to piss you off.
Loved your Evacuating 55
Thanks for playing, you are like a Brand New 50,000 Watt Generator sitting in your garage just waiting for the power to go off!
Have a Kick Ass Week End

(Happy Valentines Day..XXX)

nonamedufus said...

Hey, Janna, happy Valentine's Day. I'm sending you some Arm & Hammer Cat Care for that cat problem you have. Have you come out of the closet yet?

Janna said...

G-Man: Give me enough time and I could probably think of a way to make the Skittles "special" too.

nonamedufus: LOL! I had a very nice time eating chocolate and muttering sadly to myself in the closet. But I had to come out eventually to answer blog comments. (Couldn't fit both the chocolate and the computer in the closet).
The Arm & Hammer stuff is great!

Yvonne Osborne said...

Oh...when I think of all the guys who broke my heart. Well, there was mainly one, maybe two. Do you ever wonder about the hearts you broke? It hurts so much more when we're sixteen. Hold the chocolate!

Teresa said...

I wouldn't want to be on your bad side. That's for sure.

Myrna R. said...

Well, I guess those guys will be truly sorry. Guess I know where they're sitting today.

Janna said...

Yvonne: Try the dark chocolate truffles; they're awesome.

Teresa: It is just a joke, of course. I think it's funny.

Myrna: LOL! Yes, they'll be doing a lot of sitting today. :)

Other Mary said...

Can I have your recipe? Lol, good one Jana!

brandi said...

Some guys deserve more than just the shits for Valentine's Day. LOL. Bullets? No? Too much?

Janna said...

OtherMary: Thanks for visiting! :)

brandi: I agree completely! Some just need that little "something extra". ;)