Sunday, November 20, 2011

Ten ancient Twitters from 2009

It's late.
I'm tired.
Monday is coming.
Here, read some Twitters I did two years ago.
In another hundred years, they might actually be worth something.

Thinking of putting some pants on and going outside. Hopefully in that order.
4:03 PM Jun 14th, 2009

Sneezing, coughing, blowing my nose, and spreading germs to the four corners of the earth. Let me know if I missed you. I'll try harder.
9:22 PM Jun 14th, 2009

It's Friday and I am covered in Szechuan sauce. Don't ask.
4:38 PM Jun 19th, 2009

Today 93% of my fun came from drinking cold bottled water while I had a menthol cough drop in my mouth. Wow. I need to get out more.
10:34 PM Jun 20th, 2009

Thursday night I bought peaches, apples, and kumquats. I feel fruitier already.
12:51 AM Jun 26th, 2009

Watching a guy root around under the hood of his car, trying to fix something-- with a lit cigarette in his mouth. OMG.
4:44 PM Jun 26th, 2009

Details are perhaps best left to the imagination, but I would like to take this moment to say that cracker crumbs can be very, very itchy.
1:25 AM Jun 28th, 2009

I wonder if anyone's ever tried to deep-fry an aspirin.
12:21 AM Jun 30th, 2009

Doing crossword puzzles while the rain washes all the bird poop off my car.
1:39 PM Jul 1st, 2009

(If, after all this, you still want to follow me on Twitter, here I am.)


Steve Bailey said...

Deep fried aspirin? Man why did you have to say that... I so wanna try it......

whall said...

Thought #1: we're these etched into clay tablets?

Thought #3: I think I shall steal this idea.

meleah rebeccah said...

These are HILARIOUS!

I think my favorite is:
"I wonder if anyone's ever tried to deep-fry an aspirin."

I am not following you on twitter.

Janna said...

Steve: It's even better with ketchup. Or so I assume. Almost everything is better with ketchup.

Whall: As long as you send me 10% of all your profits, you are welcome to steal my idea.

Meleah: I'm so glad that was a typo. I see you meant to say "I am NOW following you on Twitter." 'Cuz Twitter just told me you started following me! Yay! Welcome and thank you. :)