Thursday, September 8, 2011

Reasons I'm not having dinner with Johnny Depp tonight

1. I have nothing to wear

2. He always flirts with the waitress when I'm trying to tell a story

3. He hasn't yet been informed that I exist

4. I'd rather have dinner with Mike Mills instead

5. After the last time, I can't look at Caesar salad the same way ever again.


nonamedufus said...

Maybe Mike Mills can explain why R.E.M.'s last album kinda sucked. Let me know. I guess you could say I come to bury R.E.M., not to praise them.

Marilyn said...

If you'd like, I could write the letter of introduction. Dear Mister Depp: This is Jana. She is funny and eats food sometimes and vegetables other times. You should have dinner with her.

Janna said...

nonamedufus: There are a couple reasons why I think their recent album wasn't as good as it could've been.
Allow me to present the brief form of my dissertation:

1. In my opinion, they need to keep their music to the core group of three (Mills, Stipe, Buck), and quit messing around with "guest" vocalists like Peaches. Eddie Vedder was ok, because at least his genre is similar. But Peaches? No. No. No. Ugh.

2. Mike Mills' background vocals are becoming increasingly inaudible. Ever since Hi-Fi, it's as if he's content to drown in muffled stagnation instead of putting his voice out there like he used to with the older albums. He has a cool voice and I really miss hearing it. I adore the man and it kills me that he's getting harder and harder to hear.

3. This sort of blends in #1 and #2... why don't they utilize the unused talent they already have instead of bringing in guest vocalists who steal the spotlight away? By this, I mean they should showcase Mike Mills more. He used to do lead vocals occasionally, ("Superman", "Texarkana", "Near Wild Heaven") but now he doesn't get to do that at all unless he moonlights with another group.

Having said that, I have to heartily emphasize that Collapse Into Now and Accelerate are both WORLDS better than the weird phase they went through when they made Up, Reveal, and Around The Sun. I love the guys, God knows I love them, but they were just not themselves for awhile there.

See what you started? :)
Now I have to calm down so I can answer Marilyn's comment...

Marilyn: Very good! Let me proofread it before you send it. That way I can make sure you spelled my name with two N's. :)
I love how you imply that vegetables are different from real food. (It's probably true! :)

Janna said...

Addendum to my rant: Regarding #2, I take that back... his "drowning in muffled stagnation" started even before Hi-Fi.
Remember the good old days, when he would have countermelodies and dialogue parts? WTF?

nonamedufus said...

So I guess you've given this some thought then.

Janna said...

nonamedufus: LOL! Yes. Just a teeny bit. :)

Marilyn said...

Aaahhh, I misspelled your name. How will Mister Depp know who I'm talking to? Did I even spell his name right? Maybe you should get somebody else to write the letter.