Thursday, January 6, 2011

I Believe....

1. I believe you should always be extra-nice to cashiers and waitresses, just to reassure them that not every customer out there is a stark raving lunatic. Unless they think you're a lunatic because you're being extra-nice, in which case you could have some fun by laughing evilly and muttering random things under your breath. (It's best to do this AFTER the waitress has already brought you your food).

2. I believe someone out there should hurry up and invent a car that runs on angst and despair. We'd never need to buy gas ever again, and we'd get especially good mileage during tax season.

3. I believe farts are funny. I realize not everyone agrees. I think if God hadn't intended for farts to be funny, he wouldn't have made them sound hilarious. Also, he wouldn't have invented the Whoopie Cushion.
In my experience, a person who can't laugh at a fart is usually someone who takes themselves waaaaayy too seriously. C'mon, guys. Lighten up. Have some chili.

4. I believe American Idol is one of the most annoying programs ever in the history of the universe. Come to think of it, I believe ALL reality TV shows should be stuffed in a giant Tupperware container and shot into the center of a black hole. My only fear is that the black hole would vomit it out in some horribly mutated form, and it would return to us seeking revenge.

5. I believe there is a dead mouse stuck in the heating vent at my mother's house.
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7 comments:

Gwendolynn Harris said...

My mum has a dead mouse....In her oven. But it's between the oven you can open up and get to and the back, so you'd have to take it apart to get to the carcass. For this reason, she has not used the oven or the stove in months.
Commiserations on the dead mouse front. :)

Janna said...

Gwendolyn: Yikes! That would definitely impart a not-so-delicious aroma. My sympathies!

Shelly said...

I'm with you on the reality shows. They're an abomination. They should be banned.

Janna said...

Shelly: Especially the ones that involve either backstabbing or really bad singing.

MikeWJ at Too Many Mornings said...

I believe you have one of the most inventive senses of humor ever.

Also, I believe you may need medical attention.

The two are often connected.

MikeWJ at Too Many Mornings said...

I believe you have one of the most inventive senses of humor ever.

Also, I believe you may need medical attention.

The two are often connected.

Janna said...

MikeWJ: Can I get you to put that in writing, signed in triplicate? It would look great on a resume. Please leave out the part about needing medical attention.