The word "mushy" should've been my first clue

We all have times in our lives when we innocently do things we later deeply regret.
For some people, it involves a fifth of whiskey and a box of fireworks. For others, it involves poodles, jello, and duct tape.

For me, it involved a can of peas.

I'd like to start by saying that I generally LIKE canned peas. They do have a softer texture than the frozen variety, but I'm ok with that. Canned peas have always been my friends.
Until today.

I'll admit I was curious when I saw it sitting there in the British section of the supermarket. The label said "Batchelor's Mushy Original Cooked Dry Peas... artificially colored." (Imagine that; it's from Lincolnshire, England, and yet they didn't spell "colored" with a "u".

I bought them, figuring it'd be an easy thing to try. Surely, I reasoned, the word "mushy" is simply referring to the fact that canned peas have a slightly softer texture compared to fresh or frozen.

Then I tried them, and the horrors began.

First, they are BRIGHT green-- the most brilliantly artificially bright green peas I've ever seen. I expected to find a neon sign buried just below the surface, imploring me to "Eat At Joe's".

But that was nothing compared to the texture and taste.

They were NOTHING like the canned peas I'm used to.
The texture was grainy, mealy, gritty, pasty, and, yes-- mushy.
It looked like a few slightly mashed peas swimming in a super-thick pond of algae.
I thought of baby food.
The taste was awful.
I seriously considered throwing them away-- but they were so expensive I hated to waste them. So I choked down the entire thing, mush and algae and all.
Blecchh.

If I ever move to England, I'm going to have to smuggle in my own cans of peas.
.