Monday, June 1, 2009

"It's a good thing..."

The Manic Monday theme is "spice".

I love, LOVE, LOVE hot spicy things, in much the same way that Martha Stewart loves taunting people who don't care about the difference between saffron and tarragon.

I'm willing to bet that when it comes to the REAL spice department, though, ol' Martha is a wuss.
When I imagine her cooking a pot of chili, I...

(*pause*)

Disclaimer: I rarely, rarely daydream about Martha. Honest.
No, really.
Well, sometimes.
Usually my Martha dreams involve strapping her to the prison wall and forcing her to watch me use "all purpose" flour instead of finely sifted cake flour.
It's amazing how loud that lady can scream.

Anyway, back to the post...

When Martha cooks a pot of chili, I imagine her saying something like:

"Now, we'll put just a little chili powder in here, but oh my goodness, not TOO much, because of course we wouldn't want it 'too spicy' now, would we? And be sure to take out all the seeds and membranes from the jalapenos, because *gasp* that's where all the heat is! And heaven forbid our perfect chili should be 'too hot'!"

This, of course, overlooks the following facts of life:

1. Chili powder is not hot, no matter how much you use.
2. Jalapenos are not really all that hot either, whether you leave the seeds in or not.
3. There is absolutely no such thing as chili that is "too hot".
4. I don't really have a #4, but just wanted you to know that I'm starting to daydream about the prison wall thing again.

I bet if you gave her and I each a really good hot bowl of chili, she'd melt away into nothingness, much like the Wicked Witch melted when Dorothy splashed her with the water.

I, on the other hand, would be asking if there was any left so I could have a 2nd bowl.

Spice is good.

Oh, look, I just happened to bring some pepper spray with me to the prison cell this time...
.

11 comments:

Chris @ Maugeritaville said...

I dunno, Janna. I've been to Buffalo Wild Wings and they have a sauce called "Blazin'" that is so hot it seems like you really shouldn't be eating it. It's face-melting.

Da Old Man said...

Janna, please don't be fantasizing about Martha.

I am totally smitten with her, and I'm sure her chili would be perfect, not the molten lava that you eat.

:)

Gwenhwyfar said...

If you're going to insist on daydreaming about Martha, could you at least imagine that I'm there too... hitting her with a cricket bat? Thanks.

whall said...

Some people just can't take the heat. Like me.

Desert Songbird said...

Yup, definitely a word I would associate with you!

Manic Monday - Spice

Trukindog said...

Dear Janna
After reading the many things you've said about loving hot spicy foods & sauces I can come to only one conclusion...

Your internals from your lips to your anus MUST be coated with ASPHALT. :-)

Janna said...

Chris: OMG! OMG, I have some of that sauce in my fridge RIGHT NOW! One of my friends got me a bottle of it when he won a contest there, eating chicken wings smothered in the sauce. It's tasty! Hot but gooooood! :)

DaOldMan: Lalalalalalalaaa... I can't heeeeaarr youuuu...

Gwen: Cricket bat? Ok.... be sure to also bring some yaks and rotting beef carcasses.

Whall: But you live in Texas! You're supposed to LOVE stuff like that.

DesertSongbird: Always! :)

Trukindog: Actually, I think it's Teflon.

Travis said...

OK...so the prison thing was a bit disturbing.

Janna said...

Travis: Never mind the "all-purpose flour" thing... You should hear the fuss she makes when I use plain white rice for risotto instead of arborio rice.

Alta Design Signs said...

You mean flour comes in flavors other than white and wheat? I kinda thought the beauty of flour was that it was so multi-purpose. You know, five pounds of whatever the heck I feel like making next week, be it cake, cookies, or bread.

Janna said...

Marilyn/Alta: Oh, believe me, for Martha there's rice flour, rye flour, finely sifted cake flour, whole wheat flour, bread flour, and cornmeal, plus other types of flour that we lowly commoners can only dream of.