Friday, March 27, 2009

Just think how cheap my phone bill will be!

I got home at 9:30 Thursday night and found zero comments on my last post.

This might mean the rest of the world fell into a wormhole and is now on the other side of the universe.
Frankly, I've been waiting for this day to happen.

Now that I'm all alone on Earth, here are some things on my "to do" list:

1. Vote myself into the position of supreme Earth commander. Stuff ballot box if necessary.

2. Riot against my unfair oppression of myself, and picket myself on my front porch until I finally decide to talk to myself and listen to my concerns.

3. Locate a few semi-intelligent chimpanzees and train them to run McDonald's, so I can continue indulging my obsession with Sweet Tea. That stuff is great! Especially with a whole bunch of lemon in it.

4. Continue to wash my hair, but not necessarily to rinse and repeat.

5. Decide whether or not clothing is really all that important anymore. And showering. Hey, if I end up getting infested with bugs, the chimps can always groom me during my next visit.

6. Compose a whole bunch of orchestra music, and then become inconsolably depressed when I realize that the rest of the orchestra isn't there to play it. Use the resulting angst as fuel for my next composition.

7. Create a handful of imaginary friends, and spend Saturday afternoons drinking Sweet Tea with them at the local chimpanzee McDonald's. Try the new "Banana Mac".

8. Dance happily in public and fart whenever I want, singing the theme to Sesame Street backwards until the next wormhole brings all of you back.


Me-Me King said...

Your version of Utopia isn't too far from my own. The only difference is, instead of chimps, my plan calls for raccoons.

Da Old Man said...

You know, you can do most of that stuff anyway, especially the farting and singing in public. In New York City, it's expected.

Da Old Man said...

Oh, and today was a weird day for comments. I got less than I expected, too.

Anonymous said...

Well, I read it, sorta - just skimmed it - I'm not really into Twitter stuff - past or present. Tho YOU of course are always more amusing and weird than anyone else I have come across lately LOL

Gwenhwyfar said...

I'm still confused by this "sweet tea" nonsense. And wasn't it a warp bubble that Crusher got caught in, not a wormhole.

Janna said...

MeMeKing: I hear there are also plans that call for kangaroos. They don't taste very good, though.

DaOldMan: So if I lived in NYC, I might actually fit in? Wow. I'll have to remember that. Here in Michigan, I sort of awkwardly lurch in a semi-normal direction when I'm out in public.

Grace: I'm proud to occupy a weird place in your memory!

Gwen: Acccgghh! Don't remind me of Wesley Crusher. Actually I was thinking more of a DS9 kind of thing, with the wormhole that led into the whole other quadrant. Think of the Jannaverse as that "Last Stop for Gas" station right on the edge.

Anonymous said...

You are deliciously, wonderfully, wackily weird...This is such a good thing///

whall said...

Mcdonald's new "mac snack wrap" is AWESOME - it's a big mac in a snack wrap. It's only on pilot release in a few areas but I was able to try one in a city an hour or two east of Austin. Excellent! and cheap.

Janna said...

Grace: I'm so glad!

Whall: Ew! It sounds awful! Of course, I'm the wrong person to ask, since I hate Big Macs anyway... can't stand the onions or the lettuce or the special sauce. Basically I'm a quarter pounder kinda chick. Or a double cheeseburger. No onions.