I'm all better now, thanks for asking

Thirteen Twitters I Did Last Fall When I Was Sick:

I am so hungry I could eat a zebra. Why are there no zebras in my house? Where is everything?
2:53 AM Sep 19th, 2008

My cat is staring at me, as if he expects something really important to happen soon. Does he know something I don't?
12:34 AM Sep 21st, 2008

I have lost my voice! my throat feels like sandpaper.
1:49 PM Sep 24th, 2008

Oooh, now, in addition to not having a voice, I am coughing and sneezing and filled with copious amounts of snot. Copious amounts!!
7:09 PM Sep 24th, 2008

Just call me 'Cough Drop Breath'.
3:45 AM Sep 25th, 2008

If I accidentally sneeze on you, can we still be friends?
7:26 PM Sep 26th, 2008

I can't taste anything! Or smell anything! Is this cardboard or chicken? Tea or a urine sample? Blindfold me and I can't tell!
7:30 PM Sep 26th, 2008

Tired, alone, thirsty, poor, and contagious.
11:10 AM Sep 28th, 2008

One of the oil change guys just said 'Hey, is that a french horn in your back seat?' ... Why yes, yes it is
3:24 PM Sep 29th, 2008

My sinuses feel like that foam insulation stuff that rapidly expands and fills every possible crevice before solidifying into a solid lump.
4:42 PM Oct 1st, 2008

For a small fee, I will gladly cough and sneeze on your enemies.
4:44 PM Oct 1st, 2008

This is my 300th twitter tweet! I'm going to celebrate by taking more cough drops and decongestants, and maybe hacking up my other lung.
12:17 PM Oct 3rd, 2008

I have learned that decongestants do NOTHING for my sinuses, but they do make my eyeballs feel like cotton puffs.
9:14 PM Oct 4th, 2008
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