Thursday, January 15, 2009

Thirteen reasons to hate cold weather

1) If you gasp in amazement at the fact that McDonalds raised the price of their double cheeseburger from $1.00 to $1.19, your throat freezes.

2) If you try to sniff derisively instead, your boogers freeze.

3) If you reluctantly decide to buy one anyway, you might not be able to roll down your car window at the drive-thru because of all the ice holding it shut.

4) If you even THINK about buying something frozen (shake, sundae, flurry), your brain freezes in protest.

5) After you order the double cheeseburger (no onions) and pull up to the next window, your fingertips freeze as you try to dig spare change out of the wallet that got left in the car overnight.

6) In your arctic mental haze, the car in front of you starts to look like an igloo on wheels.

7) Gratefully taking your burger from the next window person, trying to say "thank you", but instead shivering and mumbling something that sounds like "th-thh-thzghsthkyou...."

8) Frozen tears of despair and frustration as you realize they made a mistake and put onions on your burger after you asked them not to.

9) Fruitless search for a parking space near the door instead of halfway across the parking lot, eventually parking next to some polar bears (who are about to eat a McSeal)

10) Slipping on the ice and falling on your face as you carry the erroneous cheeseburger back into McDonalds.

11) Nonchalantly explaining to concerned passersby that it's ok; you ALWAYS have frozen pickles stuck to your eyelids.

12) Awkwardly explaining to high-school-age McDonalds employee that they got the order wrong (attempting to ignore any tattoos, unfortunate piercings, or forked tongues)

13) Going back out to car with the correct cheeseburger, glancing in rear-view mirror, and finding that there was a frozen booger on your nose the entire time.
P.S. Only eight of the aforementioned items have actually happened to me. I'll let you wonder which ones.


dizzblnd said...

very funny! I am going to guess (in case it matters like money being thrown my way or something LOL)

#1, #2 #5, #6, #8, #9, #12, #13
are my guesses of the actual McD's incident

#11 (made me really LOL)

whall said...

Wow, you're lucky. I never have people leave their wallets in MY car.

Desert Songbird said...

They must be jacking up the price because of your arctic cold; a McDouble is still a buck around here.

Janna said...

Dizzblnd: Wow! You only got one of them wrong! Good job!

Whall: See? 2009 is getting better already!

DesertSongbird: That settles it. I'm moving to Arizona.

Giggle Pixie said...

See? That's why I never go to McDonalds! Baaaaaaaad things will happen!! LOL

Gwenhwyfar said...

I'm pretty sure about most of them, but #13 DEFINITELY happened. (Also, I'd like to point out that this is the food gods way of punishing you for going to McDeath's in the first place.)
Finally, I'd like to point out that it's about -40 with the wind chill right now. Just like yesterday when I got a flat tire and had to stand outside for over an hour (without a toque or mittens which was, admittedly, my own fault).

Trukindog said...

I would have handled #12 a bit differently...I would have bitched up a storm about the incompetence of the person who made the burger & how the register persons "unfortunate piercings, or forked tongues" have ruined my appatite & demand my money back before I puke all over the counter.

Oh yeah, 1,3,5,6,8,9,12,13

Da Old Man said...

I'm going to guess that the polar bear one is made up, because polar bears have very little money and always order from the dollar menu.

Unless they had a coupon.

Janna said...

GigglePixie: You could have warned me!

Gwen: Well, let's see... it's 7 below zero right now (without wind chill). I remember one year when I was at college (I think it was 1994), we had wind chills that were fifty below. Nasty stuff.

Trukindog: You got 7 right, one wrong. :)

DaOldMan: Aren't seals on the dollar menu? Then what do they make the cheap burgers out of?

Janna said...

Gwen(again): Here... I just looked up our weather. (Just for you!)
According to the weather channel site, our temperature is nine below, with a wind chill of 27 below.
So, ok, you win. Your toes will fall off faster than mine will.
This means you'll look slightly awkward doing your victory dance, but that's ok.
I promise not to stare.

Janna said...

Gwen (yet again): Ooooh! Ooh! I just clicked on the "Wind Chill Advisory" and found that WE'RE getting -40 degree wind chills tonight too!
Just blogged about it on Jantics.
So there! :)
We can BOTH do the awkward toeless victory dance together!

Gwenhwyfar said...

HAHAHAHAHAHA! Janna, I love you and I'll make sure you don't topple over if you make sure I don't!

Janna said...

Gwen: It's a deal!

Travis said...

And just just 6 months or so you'll get to break out the 13 reasons why hot weather sucks.

Janna said...

Travis: Hee! You're probably right!