How to be strange on a budget

Over the next few hours, I'll be catching up on answering any blog comments I may have missed.
Then I'll begin the somewhat pathetic weekly task of trying to figure out what to do on my Friday evening.

I have these visions of everyone else on the planet (construction workers, cannibals, missionaries, dishwasher repairmen, squirrels, libertarians) having such huge amounts of fun on Friday nights. I envision them partying and dancing and dating and having expensive dinners and laughing at hamsters and all kinds of stuff.

It goes without saying that I feel sort of left out sometimes.

So, I felt the need to come up with my own list of...

THINGS THAT CAN BE DONE ON FRIDAY NIGHTS
FOR LESS THAN $1.35

1. Sit in driveway and pretend to have excruciating leg cramps. If someone stops to offer help, tell them you were just joking and that you really want to sell them some cheap car insurance. (Bonus points if you can dress as a gecko while doing this, though it might cost more than $1.35 to make the costume)

2. Wander down the road/street and look confused. If someone talks to you, say you're lost because your invisible friend refuses to ask for directions.

3. Draw a smiley face on a flour tortilla and write your name beneath it. Approach strangers on the street and tell them you can draw amazingly realistic portraits of them, too, for the low low price of only $19.95.

4. Go to McDonalds and buy a box of four chicken McNuggets. Sit at one of the tables and baptize each nugget (in your choice of dipping sauce) as Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John. Then arrange them on the table and start reading the bible to them. After a few minutes, take a bite out of Matthew and say "Oh, stop whining. Jesus had it MUCH worse."

5. Go to the gas station. Put 25 cents worth of gas in your car, then buy a dollar's worth of chocolate. Pay for it with 120 pennies and one nickel.

6. Sit in front of a crowded parking lot. Begin singing loudly while holding a sign that says "If you give me a dollar I'll stop singing." (Bonus points if you are able to sing opera).

7. Cut words out of old newspapers and glue them onto postcards, writing bizarre letters to no one in particular. Mail them anonymously to random addresses you find in the phone book. (Hurry, before the price of stamps goes up again).

8. Explain to your cats that actually, pineapples contain neither pine NOR apples.
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