Sunday, October 19, 2008

The Heart Attack Grill

On Thursday I blogged about some cravings I have. Cravings for stuff that would probably make my heart shriek in horror if I actually sat down and had everything on the list at the same meal.

Still, it might not be as bad as this:
There's a restaurant in Chandler, Arizona, called The Heart Attack Grill.
They call themselves the home of the "Double Bypass Burger," and their slogan is "Taste worth dying for!"

Actually, you can choose between a Single, Double, Triple, or Quadruple Bypass Burger.
They've got giant beef patties, tomato, onion, special sauce, bacon, and two different kinds of cheese.
Lettuce is discouraged, (vitamins, health, blechh) but they'll put it on if you really want it there.

The quadruple bypass has two pounds of beef, four layers of cheese and 12 slices of bacon--and 8000 calories. .... Eight. Thousand. (!!!)

Here's a picture of one of them.
Can you imagine taking a BITE out of this?

The french fries are cooked in pure lard and are called "Flatliner Fries".
They sell Jolt Cola (with double the caffeine of Coke) and Lucky Strike cigarettes (the no-filter kind). They also sell donuts, beer, and hard liquor.
Diet Coke is not allowed.

The waitresses are all called "nurses" and they dress in nurse costumes. (obviously it's just a joke, yet some real nurse groups have gotten bent out of shape about it.) The owner actually had to put a disclaimer on his site, making sure people know his waitresses aren't real nurses. Nurses also complained that the sexy costumes somehow cheapened the nursing profession. (In my opinion, it's no different from what tons of people do on Halloween anyway).

An order is called a "prescription." (The "balanced breakfast prescription" is a pack of cigarettes and a donut)

Customers are referred to as "patients". (If you are able to finish a triple or quadruple bypass burger, one of the "nurses" will actually wheel you out to your car in a wheelchair. Here's a picture.)

The owner is Jon Basso, who calls himself "Dr. Jon". He says he created the place with the intention of serving "nutritional pornography; food so bad for you it's shocking."

I think he did a good job. I think it's funny, I love how he went to such extremes, and I think people have enough common sense to know the difference between a real nurse and a waitress wearing a nurse costume. I think it's pointless for the activist groups to complain about the sexy, skimpy nurse costumes, because, like it or not, this IS a fantasy a lot of men have. It's NOT going to change anytime soon, so this restaurant is using that simple fact to its advantage because it draws customers.
As for the 8000-calorie aspect of it, well, it's a free country and people can eat where they choose. They know what they're getting themselves into because each burger comes with a warning label on the basket-liner. (Heh! Really, it does!)

Here's their official website, and here's the Wikipedia entry about it.
Here they are on YouTube. And here's an article on

I have to admit, it is tempting.
If I ever went to Arizona, I would have to go there, just to try it.

In case you're interested, I'd get a double, with no onions or sauce. (Ketchup and mustard, yes. Mayo-based crap, no.)
I'd also try the fries, and probably a bottle of Jolt on the side.


whall said...

Hey, great timing! I'm gonna be going to Az in December (by car) and will have to look up this city.

I can do a HAITL (Heart Attack In The Life) video!

Desert Songbird said...

Well, I DO live in AZ, and there's no way in hell I would go to this place! (Aside from the fact that this clear on the other side of the Valley from me, I don't think it's worth the one hour drive.)

Janna said...

Whall: That would be a great idea. You simply must!!

DesertSongbird: Only an hour away??!! Aw, c'mon!! You've GOTTA go, just once, to see what it's like! I'm stuck all the way over here in Michigan, and you're only an hour away! (*sob*)

crazy working mom said...

OMG, I saw an e-mail about this place. Hubby wanted to go...but I suspect it was NOT for the burgers! *LOL*

Happy Manic Monday. Here's my bite.

Tug said...

I can't believe that wasn't there when I lived there - I'd have gone!

Travis said...

As a reformed burger meister, I must say that the picture of that burger is not appetizing in the least to me.

You know how much I like TACOs, so I'm not a junk food snob. All I can say is that the burger looks disgusting.

But hey, if that's the poison you want then I say go for it.

Janna said...

CrazyWorkingMom: LOL. Yes, he might have had a slight interest in the skimpy nurse costumes instead. :)

Tug: It would have been the perfect thing to blog about!

Travis: Oooh, I see you're capitalizing TACOs now, just like CAKE! Ordinarily I'm not a burgermeister, but this place is such a novelty that I would have to go just to check it out. :)

earthlingorgeous said...

Oh my! This will indeed give me a heart attack! I can't bite on that one! But that looks scrumptious!

Janna said...

EarthlingGorgeous: In order for mine to look scrumptious, I'd have to have it without onions or mayo. Love all that super-sinful cheese and bacon, though. Mmmmmm. Baaaaacon....

anthonynorth said...

I never touch burgers nowadays, but I love the humour of this place. If they made the burger a bit taller, they could call it the 'High Rise', specially designed to assist stockbrokers to get from the top to the bottom quickly ;-)

Faiqa said...

I have a deep respect for business owners who conduct themselves with this kind of blatant honesty. Good for them. Next time I'm in the market for a bypass, I'm flying to AZ.

Anonymous said...

Now Lois is all about burgers... this place is now on my to-do list...lOL!

Evil Genius said...

I'm not a nurse, but I play one on my avatar.

HA! I'm a vegetarian but I'd STILL go to this place! I love fun places like this, and the extent they've gone to to carry out the theme is fabulous.


WillThink4Wine said...

Clever gimmick. You mean those aren't real nurses? They must be the medical version of a Hooter's server!

My MM post is up now - so sorry - apparently, I don't know how to read a calendar when scheduling posts...

Corina said...

I would stay away. I don't eat meat at all so this certainly isn't the place for me and I don't have a husband to take with me to ogle the waitresses, which I would find demeaning anyway! So it's a no for me but if you go, let us know! ;)

Gayle said...

Awesome post! I wish I'd have known about this place when we were down there last winter. My son would have loved it! Is there some corporation out there that seeks out "offensive" material for groups to jump on their soap box about? Really, people need to lighten up and quit getting offended over everything they see. Personally, I'm sick of being "politically correct"! I would have made a good Redneck (oh, did I offend anyone?). :)
The White House

Da Old Man said...

I want to go to Az. for lunch.

My Autism Insights said...

Wow - is it even possible to fit that burger in a human mouth? Hate to admit it, but I'm kinda tempted...

xup said...

“It’s a free country” – ha ha, good one. But, yes this place is revolting and irresponsible. Of course people can choose to eat or not eat there, just like alcoholics can choose to drink or not drink and gamblers can choose to gamble or not gamble. That being said, at least they’re very honest about what they’re serving up and not disguising it as anything but death and disease waiting to happen.

Marilyn said...

I remember an NPR news story about this place... Andy loves anyplace where the waitresses wear short skirts. I don't think I'll be driving him out there though.

If that burger were only about 1/8th of the size, it would look pretty good. I'd ask for lettuce too... come on, tomato is good for you, right? You can't have a decent burger without a little lettuce too.

Janna said...

Anthony: I love the humor of it too. :)

Faiqa: Honesty IS refreshing in today's world, isn't it? :)

Lois: Be sure and blog about it! :)

EvilGenius: I know YOU would have a super fun time blogging about it!

WillThink4Wine: Funny you should mention that... one of the articles I read compared them to a Hooters.

Corina: Well... you could try the fries... or maybe a donut. Or some Jolt! :)

Gayle: You were in AZ last winter? This would definitely have been something to write home about! And if you sent a postcard to write home, it could have lots of grease stains on it!

DaOldMan: Me too! Are you treating?

Insights: I suspect people probably take the burger apart and eat it in sections. That's what I'd have to do.

Xup: ... Wow! :o Not a fan of the "nutritional pornography", I see...

Marilyn: No! No! I hate lettuce on burgers. It's great in salads, but never on sandwiches. Just one of my little quirks. Tomatoes are ok on both burgers AND salads! Are you writing this down in case I ever come over to visit?

onangelwings said...

That is one crazy burger. Yikes. I love the whole nurse thing. Cute.

Janna said...

Onangelwings: It's definitely unique! :)