Tuesday, September 30, 2008

Various Thoughts

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Sometimes, when I'm driving and listening to NPR, I start debating with people who call in to the talk shows. I realize no one can hear me. Passing motorists probably think I'm a nut. And yet, it somehow leaves me feeling as if I have accomplished something.
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I hate cheap candles that don't have any scent at all. Especially when they
claim to have a scent. The only thing they're good for is returning to the manufacturer and shoving into his various orifices while you shout "Can you smell it now? How about NOW?"
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If you put a ketchup packet in the freezer, it works well for headaches. No, you don't eat it. You hold the packet against your forehead or temple, and the coldness helps ease the pain.

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I think bananas would taste better if they were blue.
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My cold/virus/evil-gypsy-curse is finally starting to ease up. I still have a lot of snot, but it's winding down. I can taste and smell things again. My throat doesn't hurt now, although my voice still has some gravelly rough moments. If I want to give this to all my enemies, I'd better hurry up and sneeze on them soon, or I'll heal up and lose my chance.
I seem to have misplaced my enemies list.
You weren't on it, were you?
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10 comments:

Marilyn said...

Sneezing on a letter to our president wouldn't count as bioterrorism, would it?

I'm glad you're feeling a little better.

I argue with the callers on Talk of The Nation but I'm generally in my kitchen.

Broadway Matron said...

Nope, not me on your enemies list - Remember I offered to share my bacon and high-speed internet connection with you.

(Glad you're feeling better)

The Hypocritical One said...

hmm.m..ketchup packets....now I finally have a use for all those taco bell hot sauces I've saved.

Evil Genius said...

Thank God cars are starting to have bluetooth hands-free cell phone devices in them, because often that's the only way I can justify the way I talk back to people on the radio, to other drivers on the road, and yes, even to myself, when I'm in the car. When I realize how stupid I must look, I tell myself, "Nah. They'll just figure I'm talking on my blue tooth mobile phone."

Right.

Mo said...

Only you would freeze a ketchup packet for an ice pack.
I can see you with a migraine, wearing a crown of frozen condiment packs all scotch-taped together...

Steven said...

You seem to have a lot of incidences with you while in your car. If it's not flashing your boobs it's having a coversation with the radio. I'm beginning to wonder if the local police aren't tracking your every move.

Janna said...

Marilyn: I think the letter-sneezing thing would be ok because no one could prove whether or not I did it on purpose.

BroadwayMatron: I'm still waiting for those, by the way...

HypocriticalOne: Those would work too!

EvilGenius: What a great idea! Suddenly I feel slightly more normal. Or at least I feel like I LOOK more normal.

Morgen: What's so abnormal about using a frozen ketchup packet? It's convenient, economical, and it doesn't leave a wet melty mess like ice does. I think it's pretty clever, actually.

Steven: If they ARE tracking me, it's because they hope I'm going to flash them again.

Travis said...

Wait. Blue bananas would taste better?

I do like the catchup packet idea. And it would be reusable. Now would it work the same with a KFC butter packet? Or perhaps a Taco Bell hot sauce packet?

whall said...

See, now I thought at first that the post was about 'vicarious thoughts' so I was all ready to think through YOUR brain.

Maybe that's what really did happen and you just made me THINK it said vicarious and then made me think I was mistaken.

Ketchup packet, anyone?

Janna said...

Travis: I know for a fact that Taco Bell sauce works just as well. Not sure if the butter would freeze quite the same way. And yes, blue bananas would taste WAY better. I imagine them having sort of a blueberry aftertaste. Maybe raspberry.

Whall: If only I really had that much power over your brain, I would convince you to send me money and Dilbert books and breakfast tacos.