Greeting cards that haven't been made yet
1. Congratulations on NOT annoying me today! Whoops... never mind.
2. Thank you for wearing pants so tight that I could count the change in your pocket.
3. My condolences on your appalling foot odor.
4. Sorry I accidentally burped in the middle of our first kiss.
5. Congratulations on going 100 days in a row without disciplining any of your unruly kids! At this rate they'll grow up to be jailbait in no time!
6. Thanks for not noticing that I left that huge dent in the side of your car. (Oops, forget I said that).
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Over at Jantrails today, I have a list of things I've never seen at McDonalds.
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7 comments:
My condolences on your loss of sanity. Seven giraffes. Twinkle yiddish brackle funkleton.
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Congratulations, sweety-pie. You just married my nephew. And the three of us are gonna have a mighty good time.
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We've been away from each other since we parted. Come back when you can't stay so long.
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To the newlyweds: that was a nice dress you almost had on.
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While you're recuperating in the psyche ward, here's some sad poetry to keep you company.
Whall: We need to go into business together. Immediately.
I don't know.... There are some people for whom #2 would be an improvement. Butt crack is almost never attractive. I can't think of a single instance where I thought to myself, "Wow, what a nice butt crack". Can you?
#6 could be a nice vengeful kind of a card. Just sign other people's names to it. You and Whall could do a whole line of those.
I know several people who deserve #5. Sad, I know.
As your new agent I want you to know I'm in negotiations with both Hallmark AND Carleton Cards, so don't snap up that evil genius offer yet, okay?
I got one...
What do you mean you didn't bring me tacos?
Marilyn: I'm not even all that crazy about butts when they ARE covered.
DesertSongbird: I know. Me too. It's scary how many parents are afraid to spank their kids because so many idiots think spankings are the same thing as child abuse.
EvilGenius: Excellent!
Xup: Show me the money....
Travis: Yes! Tacos are better than flowers any day!
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