Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Greeting cards that haven't been made yet

1. Congratulations on NOT annoying me today! Whoops... never mind.

2. Thank you for wearing pants so tight that I could count the change in your pocket.

3. My condolences on your appalling foot odor.

4. Sorry I accidentally burped in the middle of our first kiss.

5. Congratulations on going 100 days in a row without disciplining any of your unruly kids! At this rate they'll grow up to be jailbait in no time!

6. Thanks for not noticing that I left that huge dent in the side of your car. (Oops, forget I said that).

Over at Jantrails today, I have a list of things I've never seen at McDonalds.


whall said...

My condolences on your loss of sanity. Seven giraffes. Twinkle yiddish brackle funkleton.


Congratulations, sweety-pie. You just married my nephew. And the three of us are gonna have a mighty good time.


We've been away from each other since we parted. Come back when you can't stay so long.


To the newlyweds: that was a nice dress you almost had on.


While you're recuperating in the psyche ward, here's some sad poetry to keep you company.

Janna said...

Whall: We need to go into business together. Immediately.

Marilyn said...

I don't know.... There are some people for whom #2 would be an improvement. Butt crack is almost never attractive. I can't think of a single instance where I thought to myself, "Wow, what a nice butt crack". Can you?

#6 could be a nice vengeful kind of a card. Just sign other people's names to it. You and Whall could do a whole line of those.

Desert Songbird said...

I know several people who deserve #5. Sad, I know.

Evil Genius said...

Whall and Janna? I'd totally buy your entire line. Now GET BUSY!!

XUP said...

As your new agent I want you to know I'm in negotiations with both Hallmark AND Carleton Cards, so don't snap up that evil genius offer yet, okay?

Travis said...

I got one...

What do you mean you didn't bring me tacos?

Janna said...

Marilyn: I'm not even all that crazy about butts when they ARE covered.

DesertSongbird: I know. Me too. It's scary how many parents are afraid to spank their kids because so many idiots think spankings are the same thing as child abuse.

EvilGenius: Excellent!

Xup: Show me the money....

Travis: Yes! Tacos are better than flowers any day!