Tuesday, April 15, 2008

What I learned today

1) April showers bring May flowers. Mayflowers bring pilgrims which eventually turn into paranoid colonists that burn witches at the stake, which is why summer is so hot in June.

2) If there's a spider on your windshield, and you turn on the wipers, you will completely smear his previously speck-sized body into an impressive 5-inch arc. Nearby arachnids will shudder in horror as they listen to his dying screams. You will feel a strange mix of guilt and omnipotence.

3) Mafia hit men are WAY more expensive than I previously thought.
.

11 comments:

Mr. Fabulous said...

That's why you have to save your pennies!

Meloncutter said...

You don't have to hire a mafia hit man to take out the little spider on your windshield, I just use a hammer.

A big one.

But I should note, windshields are expensive too.

Later Y'all.

Lynda said...

You need to find the baragin hitmen!

Mo said...

Gattina's manic monday post said that European hitmen were going for 6000 Euros. Even at the current exchange rate, that's only 12,000 US dollars.
Which is pretty inexpensive.
Not that I've been price-comparing hit men or anything...

Avitable said...

I'll give you a special hitman discount.

Marilyn said...

Hmmm... $12,000? But do they accept food stamps?

Janna said...

Fab: Maybe the hitmen will let me pay them in computer graphics for their blogs.

Meloncutter: Oh, the hitman is for a person.... or two. :)

Lynda: The bargain hitmen? Can I find them hanging around outside of dollar stores?

Morgen: Veeeeery interesting....

Avitable: Excellent! How much of a discount?

Marilyn: Here's hoping!

Travis said...

Was it absolutely necessary to talk about spiders?

**shiver**

Although, I do like the thought of smearing one in a gruesome death that will make other ones stay away from me.

Janna said...

Travis: You could spear one with a toothpick and set it upright like a miniature stake in your front yard, as a warning to all the others.

MikeWJ at Too Many Mornings said...

I've read three of your favorite posts in a row, and I think you might be a genius. Or insane. But I like it either way.

Janna said...

MikeWJ: Excellent! Either way is good. Sometimes there's a fine line between the two anyway.