Thirteen things I have never said to my cats
1. I'm so glad you pooped on the floor.
2. Please, shed on THIS chair some more!
3. Your urine is like a fine cologne.
4. Wow, this kitty treat looks just like Dick Cheney!
5. Someday, when you least expect it, I'm going to shave designs in your fur.
6. Because you barfed on my bathrobe, you have to eat Pepto-Bismol for a month.
7. You look delicious.
8. Every time you read my thoughts, I have to pee.
9. Just be glad you don't live with Fab. He hates you, you know.
10. One more hairball and I'm changing your names to Disney characters.
11. Gee, I wish MY dinner involved mysterious animal by-products! (Note to self: avoid bologna and Spam)
12. Can I spray paint you?
13. If you're so smart, why can't you do this list yourself?
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7 comments:
You never tell me that you are glad that I pooped on the floor, either.
I am sensing a trend here.
What about, "Why, yes! That carpet is there for you to use as toliet paper!"?
they're adorable.
You know how smart cats are? They could have done the list, but they knew if they did enough of the other annoying stuff that you would do the list and then they wouldn't have to.
Genius!
Unless vampires have nuclear fission reactors inside or something of the mystical equivalent, I'm still thinking there must be by-products...
Here's one more:
You get catnip whenever you want it--just shred the big gallon bag I keep it in when you're jonesing for a fix, k?
Mr. Fab: It wouldn't have been so bad if you hadn't done it right in front of the TV.
Lynda: Ewww. I'm guessing that's a dog thing. If they have worms. (shudder).
Teri: Yes. They certainly have their moments! :)
Travis: Brilliant... or creepily manipulative...
Morgen: Wow... I bet you meant to include that in the comments for the previous post, right? :) LOL. For the record, I guess I believe in the "mystical equivalent" you mentioned. We just don't hear about monsters pooping and peeing all that often. Sometimes I envy them....
Pand0ra: Good point!
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