Monday, March 3, 2008

Manic Monday: Want

Today's blog post is brought to you by my bowels.
(and the letters B & M, and the number 2.)
You're welcome.

It all happened while I was in Coldwater on Friday. I was in the car when I realized I suddenly had to go to the bathroom.
Really bad.
I realized I probably couldn't make it home in time, so I opted to go to a nearby fast food restaurant instead. I didn't want to, but felt I HAD to.
I hate public restrooms and will only use them in case of emergency. This, however, sort of qualified.
So I went to the nearest place, which was Taco Bell. I parked and rushed to the door, only to find that it was locked.
WTF! I thought.
It was only 6:00 in the evening; why would they be closed? Besides, the parking lot was full of other cars, so what the hell? A moment later an employee noticed me and cracked the door open just a few inches to tell me that the lobby was closed because they were remodeling. (The cars in the parking lot belonged to the employees, who were working at the drive-thru.) I explained that I just needed to use the restroom. She said no; they weren't allowed to let anyone in.
So I drove to the next closest place, which was KFC. I got inside and found my way to the ladies' room. It was a two-seater. One handicap stall and one regular. One stall door was closed and locked, so I headed for the OTHER one and rapidly opened the door----
Only to find the sight of a little old lady with her pants down.
Shocked and embarrassed, I apologized profusely and quickly explained that I didn't notice the spot was occupied. (Dunno why she hadn't locked the stall door. Maybe it was broken).
She didn't say a word.
I retreated to a corner of the room, waiting helplessly for someone to please please finish. Now I had to deal with the bowels of hell, PLUS the image of a pants-less old lady burned into my eyeballs.
After a minute, the other stall emptied, and I got to go in that one instead.
Sweet relief. Sweet, sweet relief.
After I was done, I was finally able to concentrate on other things-- like the fact that the floor was so greasy it was actually slippery.
I will NOT be in the mood for KFC anytime soon.
And you might wanna wait awhile before you go in there too.
Just sayin'.


Shelli said...


Missed you at Fab's show tonight. Hope you are feeling better.

Shelli said...

Why does it never let me respond to comments the first time?

Shelli said...

argggh! I meant subscribe to comments.

Linda said...

I believe I have had a few emergencies of this type of my own in the past and have managed to find a MacDonald's handy. At least there floors aren't quite so slick!

OneLuvGurl said...

lol! That was truly funny! Happy MM!

Mine is here:

Meloncutter said...

Here I sit,
upon the shitter,
I'll stay til I'm done,
cause I'm no quitter,

Won't buy no food,
when I get done,
It'll smell so bad,
I'll have to run.

You have my permission to write that on the wall of the next "emergency incident". I would not recommend putting it next to the "for a good time and your phone number" thing tho. They might see the writing is the same and scare them off.

Later Y'all.

Mr. Fabulous said...

I hope afterwards you BOUGHT something. Otherwise...that's just rude :)

Ian Thomas Healy said...



The Flying Monkeys said...

OH god I have had some like that BEGGING HUBBY to pull over!!!!!!!!!!!!

Worse is when I have a food reaction, and it explodes! Glad you are ok!

Great Monday Post " I just want your extra time and your kiss kiss" ( Prince). Come on over and check out what I want!

Empress Bee (of the High Sea) said...

no more kfc for me!

smiles, bee

Sandee (Comedy +) said...

I don't want to go there. At least you felt better. Very interesting story. Have a great MM. :)

the teach said...

Janna, I feel for you! I do really I do! Are you sure you didn't eat at Taco Bell and KFC and THEN have to go to the bathroom so badly? Huh?

Corina said...

I'm with you on public bathrooms but sometimes you have to. When I do use one, I have this thing about not just using their bathroom. I have to buy something. More than once I've gone in because I absolutely cannot wait. I buy a soda or something then head for the bathroom, only to find out that it's out of order and I've already bought something from them. Off I go to the next one, buy something, and pray that their bathroom is working!

Marilyn said...

I always buy something after I use the restroom... then I haven't wasted any money if they won't let me use it, because that's happened to me before too. Only if I'm dead broke (which does happen) do I fail to buy something, but I really don't like KFC.

Janna said...

Shelli: I am fine today, it seems... guess the whole gastrointestinal adventure was confined to only Friday and Saturday.
(P.S. I dunno about the subscribing thing... maybe you could try offering sacrifices or something.)

Linda: McDonalds was further down the road... I wanted the closest place!!

Oneluvgurl: It was funny AFTERWARD... :)

Meloncutter: It's ok; I'll just write YOUR name and phone number instead. Everyone will wonder what the heck you were doing in a ladies' room.

Mr. Fab: LOL. Actually... I didn't buy anything at all. I just rapidly got the heck out of there. :) This makes me a bad person, doesn't it?

Ian: Imagine how much worse it would've been if you'd seen it in person!

FlyingMonkeys: Luckily I'm single and I can pull over whenever I want.... That way if it ends up being "too late", I have no one to blame but myself.

Bee: That's how I feel too, for awhile!

Sandee: Aw, c'mon. Go ahead and "go there!" Everyone else is! :)

Teach: Nope! I swear!

Corina: I didn't buy anything. I can't believe they really notice or care one way or the other. After all that, eating was the LAST thing I wanted to do! Ack! :o

Marilyn: I don't mind KFC's food, I just don't like their level of cleanliness. That greasy floor was disgusting.

Turnbaby said...

I hope you are feeling better sugar.

Mo said...

Wow - you combined last week's word "explosive" with this week's theme of "want" - you're a double-doody MM'er...

Travis said...


Meloncutter said...

I write my name and phone number in every ladies room. Remember? That's how you got it in the first place.


Later Y'all.

metalmom said...

Did you at least light a match?

Kyra Sutra said...

Now I want some KFC!

Janna said...

Turnbaby: This has been a bad week so far!

Morgen: "Double-Doody"... LOL.

Travis: I know!

Meloncutter: Of course!

Metalmom: In retrospect, that might have been a nice idea....

Kyra: Eww! :)