Sunday, January 27, 2008

To the best of my knowledge, there was no gravy involved

I had a weird dream Friday night.
And, because this is my blog, I'm going to tell you all about it.

It started out with this scene: A guy having a covert conversation with some other guys in a public restroom. I don't remember what they were saying, just that it had a very spy-like feel to it; this guy was meeting with "the enemy", spilling some information he was not supposed to spill.
Then, in the next scene, I was assisting with the investigation of that incident. The head of the investigation was some CSI-type chick who had analyzed all the evidence. The most damning piece of evidence was this: We had installed surveillance equipment in the walls during the time of this guy's illicit meeting, and although we couldn't make a definite voice match to him, we compared a printout of the "sound waves" of his voice, and the sound waves seemed to be an exact match.
Ms. Investigator chick and I went into the public bathroom together with this guy, for the "interrogation." The guy was "obviously" guilty in her eyes; she was saying stuff like "Nah, c'mon. We've gotcha. You know that. We've got the evidence right here." And she showed him a comparison of the two sound wave charts. They were projected onto the wall as if it was a slide show.
I looked at them (apparently for the first time), and was kinda surprised to see that the voice patterns DIDN'T really match up perfectly. They were similar, but not exact. "Hmmm," I thought quietly to myself.
The guy began claiming his innocence, giving all sorts of great reasons to why the "evidence" had been misinterpreted. As for the voice analysis, he turned to ME and said "You. Say something."
"What?" I said.
He turned to the investigator as if nearing the crux of his case. "See? It could have been anyone."
It seemed he was making the point that anyone's voice could have made the same imprint on the sound sensors. And, I thought to myself, that would explain why the vocal "fingerprints" didn't match up exactly....

Now the dream gets weird.

Apparently we lived in a society that used fake mashed potatoes a lot. We used them for insulation, and as an ingredient in milkshake-type beverages, and no doubt in many other ways as well. Throughout the course of the investigation, I had been sipping a "slush/shake" type of thing which seemed to be fake mashed potatoes mixed with a little Mello Yello. I remember it was Mello Yello, not Mountain Dew.
So it turned out that there was a real possibility the evidence had been planted there by another spy who had scooped out the mashed-potato insulation from inside the walls, hidden there, and found a way to spy on this guy's conversations in the bathroom. Somehow, perhaps this guy was not the criminal but a victim after all.
The guy left the room and was taken back into custody, leaving me and the investigator to mull over the evidence. I turned to her and said "Y'know, at first I was positive this guy was guilty, but now... well, now I'm just not sure."

And the dream ended there.

In retrospect, here's what gets me: The dream started out with proof that he really was guilty. I watched him do it! I was an omniscient observer. Yet the rest of the dream was devoted to "Well, gosh, maybe he's innocent..."

And it will definitely be awhile before I can eat mashed potatoes again.

5 comments:

Meloncutter said...

Dang that was a long dream. I have one question though.

Have you ever put the big end of your french horn up to your ass and tried to play it in reverse?

Lets see what kind of dream that the mental image you got from that brings out.

Later Y'all.

Janna said...

Meloncutter: Been there, done that. It sounds kinda like a lovesick buffalo.

Travis said...

The mashed potato thing really wasn't all that weird. It would have been weird if...

...nope. The mashed potato thing really was weird.

Mo said...

You know, Mello Yello has totally been usurped by Vault here.
You still have Mello Yello?
Or are you just dreaming about it?

Personally, I think when you dream about Mello Yello it's a PEE dream.
Fess up, you wet the sheets, right?

Janna said...

Travis: Maybe next time I'll dream about Stove Top Stuffing. Or CAKE!

Morgen: I haven't checked in awhile, but I THINK we still have Mello Yello here. Usually when I have to pee, I dream that I'm searching for a toilet.