Wednesday, January 2, 2008

One down, 365 to go!

(I almost said 364, until I realized that 2008 is a leap year).

Well, I survived January first. It's after midnight, which means technically it's tomorrow now.

I stayed home in my bathrobe all day, alone, gradually ripening into... well, into something that's going to have a shower in just a few minutes.

Then, after I am squeaky clean, I'm going to curl up in bed and read something interesting, while warm furry cats purr happily next to me.

Then I will fall asleep and have strange dreams which involve a box of crackers, a chainsaw, Drew Carey, an asteroid, and YOU.

I may also dream about mercilessly killing some of the idiots who inundate my e-mail with countless spam messages. For the last time, you people, I don't have any penis to enlarge! If you'd like to SEND me one via snail-mail, I'll try planting it in a little flower pot and see how well I can fertilize it each day.

I think, if I planted a little penis in a flower pot, the best way to get it to grow would be to flash my boobs at it every day.
.

16 comments:

Pand0ra Wilde said...

Makes sense--it works on the bigger ones.

Janna said...

Pand0ra: I'd also need to make sure to not leave it in a chilly place. For example, the freezer would be bad.

Meloncutter said...

I guess it would make sense to try a scientific experiment on this to check the viability of your idea.

Send me pictures of your boobs and I will hold my soy affected penis in front of it for a few hours and see what happens. I could be that pictures won't work though.

Do you travel in the name of science and the benefit of mankind?

Later Y'all.

Angry said...

I'm sorry but a flower pot won't work...
In order to encourage a penis to grow in a firm and upright manner, then it must be planted in a warm moist garden... it's your choice if that garden be bushy or not.

Mr. Fabulous said...

Maybe you do have a penis. Sometimes they just show up.

amisare waswerebeen said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
amisare waswerebeen said...

Pay no attention to the above. I said something stupid and then realized my mistake after hitting the enter button. Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain...even if he is naked.

metalmom said...

LOL@ Angry!

Janna you sure do have some strange dreams!

Desert Songbird said...

Girlfriend, you really need some action in your life. *grin*

Janna said...

Meloncutter: Alas, I am a wuss when it comes to traveling, and I am also camera-shy! I can describe them for you, though, if you'd like...

Angry: My garden IS bushy right now. Was that TMI?

Mr. Fab: Is that how you got yours?

Amisare: There's a naked man behind the curtain? Excuse me for a moment...

Metalmom: Oh, they get worse, believe me.

DesertSongbird: Tell me something I DON'T know!

Marilyn said...

I had that same dream. I do wish Drew would be more careful with the chainsaw.

Angry said...

I'm celebrating a special day at my blog and you're welcome to join us in the fun if you like.

Travis said...

Of all those things in that dream prediction, Drew Carey scares me the most.

Isn't that odd? You'd think I'd be more afraid of crackers.

Janna said...

Marilyn: Especially right before he's about to slip on all those cracker crumbs. I cringe every time.

Angry: This is really sad, but I tried visiting your blog three times, and it froze up my screen each time! Within ten seconds! This bugs me because I bet your blog is REALLY COOL. I'm sorry I missed your special day!

Travis: Just imagine an asteroid headed straight for you, and instead of cosmic dust, it leaves a trail of Ritz cracker crumbs, and makes a noise just like a chainsaw... and when you try to view it through a telescope, you find that it's actually Drew Carey's disembodied head!!! Sleep well, buddy! :)

whall said...

You should try Steve Martin's All-Natural Penis Beauty Cream. It works!

Janna said...

Whall: Have you tried it? Is your penis really beautiful?