Things I did NOT say during my dinner last night

1) Dammit, now there are artichokes in my underwear. Not again...
2) This balsamic vinegar would be great to pour on the paper cuts of my enemies!
3) I can predict the future by reading the ice cubes in my water glass.
4) The ice cubes just said I'm going to die old and alone in a dark musty room, and my cats will gnaw on my carcass for exactly thirteen days before someone finally finds me.
5) Ooops, my mistake. I was holding the glass backwards. The ice cubes actually said my feet would stink more if I lived in Florida.
6) Let's build a miniature fort out of our used silverware!
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P.S. In case you're interested, here is what I had for dinner:
Appetizers: stuffed mushrooms and calamari. We also had bread, dipped in little bowls of olive oil, balsamic vinegar, and parmesan cheese.
Salad: Caesar salad
Entree: Spinach fettucine alfredo with roasted red peppers, artichokes, and shrimp
Dessert: Pumpkin cheesecake drizzled with caramel.

Everything was absolutely DELICIOUS.
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