Friday, September 28, 2007

Children's Books We May Never See Unless I Write Them Myself

How To Throw Up In The Middle Of K-Mart
Poison Ivy Works Better Than Toilet Paper

Why Rated-X Is More Fun Than PG

How To Drive Mom Crazy With Pointless Questions

The Ninja Turtles Cross The Highway A Little Too Slowly

Every Time You Sneeze, An Angel Dies
Gretel Tells Hansel She's Pregnant With His Baby On The Jerry Springer Show

Brushing Your Teeth With Superglue

Why Daddy And The Mailman Are Such Good Friends
Ronald McDonald Gets A Prostate Exam

101 Stains That Will Never Come Out Of The Carpet

Mommy, What Does 'Herpes' Mean?

How To Make Mommy's Hair Turn Gray Even Faster
How Many Matchbox Cars Can Billy Swallow?
Billy Gets His Stomach Pumped

Yogi Finally Mauls Ranger Smith
There's No Santa, There Never Was, And There Never Will Be.... So THERE!

P.S. If you liked these, check out my guest post today on Pointless Drivel!


Michael said...

You forgot, Electronic equipment, orifices & other places you shouldn't jam Crayons.

Janna said...

Michael: Over at Pointless Drivel today, I did a guest post where I listed even more of these book titles... and one of them was "Eight Different Places To Hide A Celery Stick When You're Naked."

Mo said...

Cheers to you, Janna!

So glad that "Bi-Curious George" made the cut over @ Pointless Drivel.

From this list, my fave is "Every time you sneeze, an angel dies"

Natalie said...

Those are some pretty good books. I think you have an excellent career waiting for you.

~ Stacy ~ said...

I agree with Mo.

"Every Time You Sneeze, An Angel Dies"

Is it wrong that I laughed out loud?

Janna said...

Morgen: Everyone seems to love Bi-Curious George, for some reason.

Natalie: Now if only I could find a publisher...

Stacy: Probably. But please keep on laughing anyway. :)

golfwidow said...

You're awfully funny. I'm adding you to my blogroll.

Michael C said...

Please, please tell me you will turn at least one of these into a book!!!!

Anonymous said...

I loved "How Man Matchbox Cars Can Billy Swallow" followed directly by "Billy Gets His Stomach Pumped." :0D As a mother of three... well... you know.

Janna said...

Golfwidow: Excellent! Thank you!

MichaelC: I'm tempted... can you find me a publisher?

Square1: It seemed like the next logical step. :)

Travis said...

I think you must write the Hansel and Gretel story.

Janna said...

Travis: If I do, I will be sure to give you an autographed copy. :)