The Ideal Summer

Summer lasts too long.

Summer in Michigan is a hot humid mitten-shaped hell, similar to being clenched in Satan's sweaty palm for 3 or 4 months straight.

I'd prefer for the Michigan summers to be much shorter. Most of the year should be either cool spring, cool autumn, or winter.

The ideal summer would last about 20 minutes. And I'd like forewarning, so I can stay at a friend's air conditioned house during those 20 minutes. If we end up watching a good movie, I might consider allowing summer to last 2 hours instead.

It could go something like this:

3:00 (SPRING): Arrive at friend's air conditioned house, sit down to watch movie

3:01 (SUMMER): Outdoor temperatures rise above 75 degrees, misery and humidity spreads throughout the state, causing widespread agony and despair. Ice cream stands experience a marked increase in traffic, causing a shortage of chocolate vanilla swirl. People rush home so they can change into shorts. Pets shed twice as much as usual. Dogs begin panting, rapidly filling the atmosphere with a 300% increase in dog breath.

5:01 (AUTUMN): The movie's over, and so is summer! Look, the temperature is 70 or below, and the air is clean and crisp and delightful. Soon the leaves will change! Who wants pumpkin pie and cider?
.