Friday, July 27, 2007

The Ideal Summer

Summer lasts too long.

Summer in Michigan is a hot humid mitten-shaped hell, similar to being clenched in Satan's sweaty palm for 3 or 4 months straight.

I'd prefer for the Michigan summers to be much shorter. Most of the year should be either cool spring, cool autumn, or winter.

The ideal summer would last about 20 minutes. And I'd like forewarning, so I can stay at a friend's air conditioned house during those 20 minutes. If we end up watching a good movie, I might consider allowing summer to last 2 hours instead.

It could go something like this:

3:00 (SPRING): Arrive at friend's air conditioned house, sit down to watch movie

3:01 (SUMMER): Outdoor temperatures rise above 75 degrees, misery and humidity spreads throughout the state, causing widespread agony and despair. Ice cream stands experience a marked increase in traffic, causing a shortage of chocolate vanilla swirl. People rush home so they can change into shorts. Pets shed twice as much as usual. Dogs begin panting, rapidly filling the atmosphere with a 300% increase in dog breath.

5:01 (AUTUMN): The movie's over, and so is summer! Look, the temperature is 70 or below, and the air is clean and crisp and delightful. Soon the leaves will change! Who wants pumpkin pie and cider?
.

11 comments:

Wayne said...

sounds good......but you forgot one...little....thing.
That would make winter 3 months longer! And I hate the cold more than the heat!

Empress Bee (of the High Sea) said...

silly silly girl... i LOVE summer! just not so much in florida...

smiles, bee

Mr. Fabulous said...

I think it's winter in Australia right now...

cathy said...

sounds good to me it is hotter than hell in Athens, 100F + !!!

Morgiana Le Fey said...

janna, some day when i'm a rockstar, i'm going to take real good care of you. you'll have air conditioning, a housemaid, and i'll ship blueberries in year-round for you, and costs be damned! depending on your preference, i might also relocate you to someplace where it's never quite so hot. entirely up to you, of course.

Janna said...

Wayne: Au contraire! I didn't forget at ALL! A longer winter is one of the tantalizing benefits!

Bee: Clearly the heat has driven you insane.

Mr. Fab: Great, now I have one MORE reason to envy Australians...

Cathy: A hundred? I would absolutely die...

Morgian: Yaaaay! I can't wait! :)

Morgen said...

you realize a two hour summer would prohibit development of your beloved hot peppers - they like the heat...

Travis said...

But if summer was that short, then where would you get all your whiny blog topics? I'd miss those you know.

Janna said...

Morgen: I can always have the peppers imported.

Travis: I can always whine about other things, like the slowness of Google's PR updates.

bundle-o-contradictions said...

Summer is my least favorite season. I'm ready for it to be done in Colorado, too.

Janna said...

Bundle: At least in Colorado you can get a cabin in the mountains.... Mountains with snow on top...