Tuesday, May 29, 2007

My Black Thumb

All the plants in my house are fake.

This is because real plants have some sort of suicide pact amongst themselves, should they ever find themselves in my care.

It doesn't take long, either. Within days they will start to look sick and sad. Within a week or two they are almost always on their deathbed. This happens no matter how much water I do (or don't) give them, how much sunlight they do (or don't) get, or how much I do (or don't) end up bludgeoning them with sledgehammers.

It's sad, really.

'Cause I love plants.

14 comments:

Desert Songbird said...

That's me - plant killer. I've killed cacti and aloe vera plants, which, mind you, is tough to do!

Mr. Fabulous said...

It's my fault. I sneak in and pee on them.

metalmom said...

We must be sisters separated at birth. My best friends know that if I can keep a plant outdoors I will, but when it gets too cold they get to keep them all for the winter or I'll kill them. Winter means 'fake'

Matt-Man said...

We get very little sun in our apt. so plants die quickly, but I did buy Schmoop some flowers Saturday and they are doing quite nicely, go figure. Cheers!!

Marilyn said...

I kill everything but cactuses. I do have some lovely cactuses and if it can survive in our desert-like conditions outside without my help, it will live. Unfortunately it turns out that stuff like that tends to be in the noxious weed category, so now I am trying to kill two of the prettiest trees in my yard and they won't die.

Lynda said...

I get cacti and barely ever water them. A peace lily is also easy.

But, plants always look sad and sick after a few days, because they are raised in greenhouses, and our homes just can't emulate those conditions.

Natalie said...

I'm the same way. It all went downhill after i left my plant Bob with a friend over spring break. She killed him and no plant has been good to me since.

Morgen said...

Rumor has it that a silk plant died once in Janna's care.

:)

Steven said...

Stop peeing in them!

Travis said...

I prefer silk plants myself. I'm also a plant killer - but the silk ones are easier to keep clean and the colors are so vivid and vibrant. It's also much easier to change colors when your design needs an upgrade.

OK wait...no offense Steven and Mo...but that sounded really gay, didn't it?

Janna said...

Desert Songbird: Tough but still possible! I know!

Mr. Fab: Go out and pee in the driveway instead.

Metalmom: Sometimes I think I hear them calling 911 behind my back...

Matt-man: So when're ya gonna buy ME flowers??

Marilyn: If they're pretty, let them live, and pretend that you WANT it that way. Then they'll die. It's reverse plant psychology.

Lynda: I think even peace lilies would hate me.

Natalie: You named a plant Bob?

Morgen: I can neither confirm nor deny those allegations.

Steve: It's not me! It's Fab! See what he wrote above?

Travis: It's ok. Go on over to the other side. They have wonderful gift baskets for the newly initiated!

Marilyn said...

Our city has a lady that goes around looking for noxious weeds. She told me I have to kill them or they will fine me. So far she has been content that I keep chopping them to bits when they turn green. I need a really big manly truck to pull up the stumps. Want a cutting?

Lynda said...

No, no. They are peaceful! And then tell you when they want to be watered. Their leaves bow.

Janna said...

Marilyn: What a nasty lady! She sounds like a weed herself. ;)

Lynda: With me, they would stop bowing and simply resort to flipping me off instead.