Now I need a shower

I just got back from grocery shopping.
The store was busy, and there were a lot of people waiting for the checkout. So one of the employees gets on the intercom thingy and announces that they need so-and-so to come open up a new checkout lane so things can start moving along faster.
So-and-so comes up to the front, opens her lane, sees me waiting, and tells me "I can get you over here, no waiting!"
Great! So I start wheeling my cart over there, when ZOOOM, like a swiftly-thrown dart, this other lady dives in ahead of me. She looks up and notices me, realizes I was headed for the same destination, and there's a brief moment of uncertainty as she wonders what I might say.
Am I going to tell her off? Kick her ass? Paralyze her by whamming her in the spine with the front of my cart?
No... *sigh*. I choose to be nice. I smile and tell her she can go on ahead. We both have the same number of items, which isn't a lot, and I figure I'm not in a huge hurry; if it means that much to her to go first, go ahead and have a lovely day.
Instead of a cart, she has one of those handheld basket things. Once the cashier has rung up all her stuff, the basket is still sitting there, empty, keeping the conveyor-belt from moving forward. So my stuff is stuck back near the end. Not a real problem for me, except there's another lady behind me who has an armload of stuff and is aching to set it down.
So I manually shove my stuff up a few feet to give her some room. The lady thanks me, telling me she didn't know how much longer she would've been able to hold onto all the heavy stuff she was carrying. (I momentarily wonder why she didn't just use a cart.)
Finally the basket-lady is done, and it's my turn, then cart-less lady's turn. The circle is complete.
On my way out of the store, I see a table with high-school students selling candy bars for a fundraiser. I realize that there's no way to exit the store without passing this table. One of the perky little dears asks me if I'd like to buy a candy bar.
The answer I'd LIKE to say is "No. No thanks. They all have enough calories to make my butt the size of tractor tires."
But today, for some mysterious reason, I am feeling benevolent and "nice", and against my better judgment I plunk down a buck for a candy bar. I really can't afford it, but I do anyway.
Then, after loading my bags of groceries into my car, I even return the empty cart to one of those cart-stall things.
I'm positively dripping with niceness and sweetness and goodness today... I'm covered in it, smeared all over and saturated like a freshly-fertilized field.

(Flashback to old Palmolive commercial: "Madge, I'm soaking in it!!")

And now I think I need a shower.

.