Sunday, March 25, 2007

Four subject lines for actual Spam messages I've gotten recently:

1) Suddenly stopping the electrical pulse freezes the atoms into a random amorphous phase
--Wow. This sounds important. I really wish I'd paid better attention in Chemistry and Physics. It seems that the moral of the story is to never suddenly stop your electrical pulses. Ease on the brakes gradually, so you don't send yourself and your loved ones through the windshield. (also known as "amorphous phase"). I guess that's what they call windshields in the strange place where this message came from. This subject line, by the way, which had nothing to do with whatever weird thing they were selling. (Probably some porno tape called "Physicists Gone Wild")

2) Christian Company Seeking Managers.
...(!!!) I can see a couple guys sitting around the office:
Joe: "Y'know, Bob, that Jesus guy just isn't getting the job done these days. I think we need to start looking for a new manager."
Bob: "I was just thinking the same thing. That whole Earth place has just gone to hell lately. Look at the crime rate... and the poor choice of quality television programming... and gas prices are just going through the roof!"
Joe: "Is all that Jesus's fault too?"
Bob: "No, not really-- he's actually a pretty nice guy, but who cares. Let's get someone new for the job. I'll start sending spam ads in people's e-mail. That should bring us someone special."

3) Hurry, Ink and Toner sale ends soon
... yes, and it may be a whole 47 minutes before I get your spam about the NEXT sale... You're right, I'd better stock up!

4) Blast Away Debt in 2007
... This makes it sound like I should take an Uzi into the credit card offices and just start shooting randomly until someone says "Fine, fine, your balance is zero!!"


Anonymous said...

#2 sounds like an upcoming "Mr. Deity" episode!

Janna said...

Bob Johnson: I've never heard of "Mr. Deity"... is it a comedy? What is it? Sounds like it might be good...

Mr. Fabulous said...

Uzis...good, good, we're gonna need a couple of those...

Janna said...

Mr. Fab: I'm all out of ammunition, though. We'll have to stock up. Is Thursday good for you?