In the meantime, you're all really blurry

Things I promise not to do on Memorial Day:

1. Invent a new scented air freshener called "Limburger Possum"

2. Steal any of the ketchup packets you currently have stashed in your car

3. Dance naked in front of approaching Amish buggies

4. Eat liver


Things I have already done on Memorial Day:

1. Showered (you're welcome)

2. Forgotten that I left my glasses in the bathroom

3. Watched YouTube videos of Mike Mills (the bass player from R.E.M.)

4. Eaten 14 grams of fiber


Things I will probably do before the day ends:

1. Go get my glasses

2. Wish I had air conditioning

3. Reluctantly fold laundry while secretly wishing I was a sexy French maid named Jeanne-Marie

4. Try to write some music
.