Monday, March 7, 2011

What's ancient Sumerian for "But my expiration date is only June 1998!".....?

Ignore the screams and keep reading.
You'll understand in a few moments.

Guess what!
I'm getting a new refrigerator on Wednesday.
This one!

My old one is so old that it's extremely inefficient. It's like a big black hole sucking all the energy from the universe (and sending me the electric bill afterward).

It was full of ghastly ancient things from a loooooong time ago.
Before fire was invented.
And there were some leftovers that may have pre-dated the wheel.
Some of them spoke ancient Sumerian. (Was that before or after the wheel? Anyone? Anyone?)

I'd been meaning to clean it out for a long, long time.
What finally gave me the needed push was that ice storm. It knocked out the power for four days, so of course I lost almost everything in the fridge and freezer. After an appropriate amount of cringing and whimpering, I went ahead and emptied out the whole thing.

Ghastly. Did I mention ghastly? Ghastly.

I used to be a regular contributor to the Burt Reynold's Mustache blog. One of my posts was all about how old leftovers would gradually become sentient and form their own language based on what they heard us say.
I said that their version of Armageddon would be the day we finally cleaned out the refrigerator/freezer.

Three and a half years later, the day has finally arrived.

It was hard to hear their anguished screams, but I was able to muffle them quickly by tying the garbage bag shut.
.

8 comments:

The Offended Blogger said...

Oh happy happy happy day!!!

You could sell the nasty bits on Ebay perhaps?

Janna said...

Chelle: I think Ebay prohibits toxic waste! Too bad; I could have made a fortune. :o

nonamedufus said...

So I guess that's it for the science experiments, eh?

Janna said...

nonamedufus: So much for getting my PhD in Leftovers of Mass Destruction....

00dozo said...

Ah, just another thing to put on my list of procrastinations, but I really should get to it soon - I've got some type of primordial ooze at the bottom and I think it's starting to grow an eye. Oh, wait. It's just a grape.
;-)

Congrats on the new fridge! Keep her clean.

Janna said...

00dozo: I promise I will absolutely positively keep this one clean!!!

MikeWJ at Too Many Mornings said...

Ah, you have cleverly asked a trick question, Grasshopper. Although the wheel may have been invented thousands of years earlier, archaeological evidence indicates it was invented by the Sumerians, probably around 3,500 B.C. Curiously, it was also the Sumerians who invented truck stops and beef jerky. Who knew?

I'm glad you got a new fridge. It's good for the planet, and now you might not die of a terrible fungus/mold disease. Not for a month or two, at least.

Janna said...

MikeWJ: If I can just keep my new fridge clean, I may live even longer than a month or two! So far, so good. It's beautiful.... (*wipes away tear*)