Friday, March 12, 2010

Now all I need are some Doritos for dessert

"I'm so glad you decided to try vegetarianism today," he smiled proudly. "You'll feel so much healthier, I just know it. ... Uh..."

He paused as he watched her unpack her groceries.

"You... Uh... You bought three industrial size boxes of Twinkies?"

"Yes." She patted herself on the back. "100% meat free. I feel healthier already."
.

27 comments:

Monkey Man said...

Go Twinkies!! There is more sodium in one Ceasar salad than in ELEVEN Twinkies. We'er talkin' health food here. My 55 will be HERE after midnight Pacific time.

Collette said...

I always knew there was something to those twinkies:)

Alice Audrey said...

LOL! I had a vegetarian room mate like that once. Ended up with Croans disease.

Janna said...

MonkeyMan: Exactly! Plus they can sit on the shelf for WAY longer than a Caesar salad and still be edible a few generations later. Here, try one.

Collette: Definitely!

Alice: My aunt has Crohn's Disease. It's definitely an awful thing to have.

Peter Stone said...

We don't have 'twinkies' in Australia. Are they lollies or something?

MikeWJ at Too Many Mornings said...

Strictly speaking, Twinkies typically contain beef tallow, or lard, and aren't vegetarian. But they're mighty tasty, and this is a great story with an excellent moral that we can all relate to -- except for that guy with the Austrialian accent who confused Twinkies with lollies, of course. As an unofficial literary critic, I would give it a 2 for accuracy, but an 8 for character development, a 10 for plotting, and a 10 for humor laced with pointed truth. Simon, what do you think?

P.S. -- I don't know what compels me to point out these things. I'm sorry. I love your blog. It's usually one of the first ones I visit every day. It makes me laugh, and it makes me jealous because you're so creative. I feel ashamed of myself.

g-man said...

There's nothing wrong with Vegetarians, but they tend to get 'Preachy'.
I also know a few overweight vegetarians.
Please give me RIBS!!!
Excellent 55 Janna.
You Rock The Mitten.
You are like a Giant Dorito, in a Sea of Guacomole!
Have a Kick Ass Week-End...G

Brian Miller said...

now this is a diet i can get behind! lol. fun 55.

mine is up!

otin said...

Very funny! I guess being a vegetarian can be healthy! lol

Sherry said...

I was a "tree hugger" as my husband says for about 6 months - the challenge was getting enough protein.

Hootin' Anni said...

This ROCKS!!!!

Mine this week is another 'non-fiction' fictionalized version. Butt to naked butts

[if you care to read, scroll down below my Friday's Show n Tell piece]

Have a great weekend.

Yvonne said...

Very funny and so true. People puff themselves up about being vegetarian as they drink diet soda which would kill a rat and eat their Healthy Meals from ConAgra full of GMO. If you want the deer to stay out of your fields and gardens plant Genetically Modified Seeds. But I digress. I liked this one very much!!

Buzzard said...

Did you know a twinkie has a shelf life of about 100 years?

Goodness for a lifetime.

My 55: A Familiar Face

jingleyanqiu.wordpress.com said...

so funny and thoughtful!

jingleyanqiu.wordpress.com said...

http://jingleyanqiu.wordpress.com/2010/03/12/55-when-i-turn-on-my-pc/

mine is up,
first time,
thank you for trying!

Maha said...

You got a point! you made me stupidly smile from one ear till the other
Mine is up!

Maha said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Sh@KiR@ CK said...

Twinkies? ...not so healthy huh? lol

EXCELLENT 55!

Happy 55!
Happy Friday Follow!
Happy Round Robin!
Happy Friday Family!


Have you a ROCKING and SEXY WEEKEND!

hugs
shakira

FLASH FRIDAY-WHEN WILL IT END?

WITH KAJ TANG-REN LINEHAN

Janna said...

Peter Stone: (*gasp!*) No, no, Twinkies are creme-filled cakes. They're delicious but full of sugar and lard and preservatives. Did I mention they're delicious?

MikeWJ: Fortunately, what I was "going for" was "humor laced with pointed truth". And lots of "quotation marks" for "no reason" in my reply. So thankfully all has "worked out well".

G-Man: I agree. Give me BBQ ribs with my Twinkies. :)

Brian Miller: Me too! This is the best diet EVER!

Otin: Exactly! :)

Sherry: No wonder; trees have hardly any protein at all! :)

Hootin'Anni: Yours was so true about the beaches being so FULL! And the pictures fit so well. :)

Yvonne: That reminds me; I have a 2-liter of Diet Pepsi here somewhere, and a Lean Cuisine in the freezer....

Buzzard: The ones from 1978 are particularly good. I hear 1966 was a good year too, but they're terribly hard to find.

Jingleyanqiu: Welcome, and thanks for visiting!

Maha: Great! I love it when I make people smile stupidly from ear to ear. :)

Sh@KiR@CK: They're good but they'd probably make any self-respecting dietician cringe and shrink back in horror. Luckily I don't know any dieticians. :)

Sh@KiR@ CK said...

My dearest Janna

I am humbly inviting you and your friends to join me in a new meme that I have just created called,
W33K3ND FUNNI3S!


Please join me at W33K3ND FUNNI3S-THE CONFUSED CHINESE

Your friendship and participation is highly appreciated.

hugs
shakira

whall said...

I started a low-carb diet about 2 weeks ago and DONT YOU FRIGGEN DARE TALK TO ME ABOUT TWINKIES YOU INSENSITIVE CLOD!

Sorry. I also had to give up my Pepsi's and Cokes, becuase they have like 40 carbs in each can and I only get 30 carbs a day. I'm a little snappy.

DEAL WITH IT.

Susan said...

LOL. That is funny! Great 55. Thanks for visiting mine :)

Stan Ski said...

And they're great in sandwiches - with a vegetarian spread , of course.

MikeWJ at Too Many Mornings said...

Oh, God! I offended you, didn't I? I'm an idiot......I didn't mean it that way at all.....I was trying to be funny.....I'm not funny unless I'm on laughing gas or drunk....then I'm really hilarious. Please forgive. Fail.

Janna said...

Sh@KiR@CK: Thank you for the invitation. :)

Whall: Cool! I'll try to think of various ways to harass you. This will be great!

Susan: Happy Friday!

StanSki: Of course!

MikeWJ: LOL. I hereby solemnly swear that you did not offend me. :) Though it might still be fun to see you drunk and on laughing gas at the same time. That, plus a British accent? That would be comedy gold right there.

PattiKen said...

Twinkies?!! Oh, yuck! Now Ding Dongs, that's a whole other thing.

Janna said...

PattiKen: GASP! How can anyone say yuck about Twinkies!?? My world is shattered. Let's talk about it over a platter of Twinkies and DingDongs. :)