Actual comments I have left on other people's blog posts this year

1. "I tried understanding baseball once, but couldn't figure out why they slid around on the ice so much when all they had to do was knock the ten pins over with those rackets. If they could do it while jumping over the net at the same time (also called a "touchdown"), they were allowed to take a "time out" to get all that sand out of their shorts.
It never really did make sense."
(source)

2. "The best part about being a statue is that whenever you farted, people would assume it was the tourist standing next to you."
(source)

3. "In theory, camping sounds like a fun thing.
In practice, it merely makes you appreciate air conditioning and indoor plumbing more than you ever thought possible."
(source)

4. "I'd worry that all that white water rapids stuff would just WHIP the paddle right out of my hands.
The rest of the raft would thus be doomed to a watery grave, after paddling in circles over and over and over again."
(source)

5. "I once felt exquisitely ardent
When I dreamed about having a garden
Til I realized that plants
Do a final death dance
When I buy them, their arteries harden!"
(source)

6. "Just imagine the tooth-cleaning lady in a closet filled with bitter resentful monkeys which have all been armed with tiny drills...
And one orangutan, who has just discovered that he's strong enough to wield a sledgehammer.
Does that help?"
(source)
.