Sunday, August 2, 2009

Hopefully I'll remember to bring a #2 pencil

If there's a "final exam" to life, here are some questions I hope are NOT on it:

1. How many calories are in a can of spaghettios?

2. What did that rude chick at the supermarket really say when your back was turned?

3. Which is faster, an ostrich or a kangaroo?

4. How many bloggers were wearing blue at 7:41pm on August 2, 2009?

5. Why is there never enough pepper in those little fast-food packets of pepper?

6. At what point does foot odor cross the line from "personal inconvenience" to "hideous disease"?

7. Why do walnut shells look like little petrified brains? (petrified testicles? petrified brussels sprouts?)
extra credit:
a) Explain what happens to socks that get lost in the dryer.
b) Where are your car keys and how did they get there?
c) Why is the idiot in front of you going only 33 miles an hour?
(Be sure also to see my Jantrails post: "Things The Letters FINAL Could Stand For", and my Jantics post, about when it's appropriate to poke me with a stick.)


Punch said...

I guess the 'final exam' is like at the gates of whatever?
Jesus fucking Christ, A can of spaghettos? a fuckin' kangroo? rude chicks? at the supermarket? wearing Blue?, for fucking crying out loud? fucking Pepper in fast foods? Foot fuckin' odor???
I must have missed the train to heaven. You can have my place in line on this train.
Hope you get all the answers right.
btw, The reason i'm going 33 mph is 'cause you are scary, and the pavement is slippery.
It is a scientifically proven fact that the world only makes sense about 14% of the time.

MikeWJ at Too Many Mornings said...

Walnut shells look like petrified brains/testicles/brussels sprouts because that's exactly what they are. Aliens zip to Earth from distant galaxies to study these these things, and when they're done, Boom!, you've got walnut shells. Also, they steal socks and misplace keys as an intergalatic prank. Surprise! You were just punked by Zorp from Greezelyak, 2009!

Janna said...

Punch: Yikes...!

MikeWJ: Zorp tends to punk me a lot. I wish he'd go bug someone else. I'm down to my last four socks.

Marilyn said...

Darn that Zorp!

Anonymous said...

Janna, in all seriousness; question #1 does not indicate SIZE of can, but the 15oz. one is around...oh...750 calories. You don't wanna know the sodium count!
2. Stupid git! Wot's got her in a fluff?
3.Ostrich but 'roos can box better :)
4.6,931,047.7245( give or take .0098 or so )
5. Never thought about that, as I usually snag about 20 of the damn things. But my guess would be mafia controlle...
6. When I have to spray Princess's feet and shoes, just to let up on the stench( okay, information over-load...sorry )
7. Damn!( again )My pencil just broke! Not touching this one!!!!

a)Ray Stevens has a song about this...but still no answer. I think it's the Rat King's minions. They grab one at a time, when you're out of the room( which would explain why clothes never seem to get dry the first time round--they keep opening and closing the darn dryer )
b)The car key fairies put them away for me. Usually in my hat...on the floor, in my bedroom( that way I can step on the bloomin' things when I get up! )
c)do we get extra, extra, extra credit for the more than 11,573 answers to this one? Just askin' :)

Janna said...

Marilyn: I know!

Subtorp: Somehow, when I read that, I gave you an Australian accent. I think it was the "wot" and the "'roo" and the "bloomin'".

Anonymous said...

Janna, darn! I was going for that East London sound-LOL!