Monday, July 20, 2009

Meaningless Janna-Facts

What I wished on Friday: (and every other day too)
That I could hug my cats without having cat hair stuck to my face afterward.
("No, really, officer, I'm not the Ayatollah Khamenei; the beard is made of cat hair! See?")

What I did Saturday afternoon:
Finished reading a book, wondered why my wrist hurt, and discovered the childlike joy of eating warm chocolate chip cookies and ice cream.

What I had for dinner on Sunday:
A cheap frozen dinner consisting of broccoli-chicken-rice casserole, heated in the oven. Not as bad as I feared, yet still not as good as the picture on the box seemed to promise.

What will probably be the highlight of the upcoming week:
My optometrist appointment at noon on July 23rd, when I fully expect to be diagnosed as needing bifocals. The odd thing is that I'm almost looking forward to this with a macabre sort of relish.

One way in which things could be worse:
I could be in orbit, miles above the earth, suddenly realizing that the toilet is broken.
.

10 comments:

subtorp77 said...

Mmmmmmm...warm CCC's and ice cream. The only thing better is to sub the cookies with potato chips!

And when has the meal ever looked like what's in the box, hmmm? The old commercial adage:
"If it loks hot, it's probably cold; and if it looks cold, it's probably Crisco."

Jamie said...

May you not need trifocals or a Russian made toilet.

Grace said...

Regarding the last item - At least they did not take Donovan's intergalactic laxative....

The Intergalactic Laxative
Words & Music by: Donovan Leitch - 1973

I was impressed like everyone,
When man began to fly,
Out of earthly regions,
To planets in the sky.
With total media coverage,
We watched the heros land,
As ceremoniously
They disturbed the cosmic sand.

In awe with admiration,
We listened to the talk.
Such pride felt they,
Such joy to be
Upon the moon to walk.
My romantic vision shattered,
When it was explained to me,
Spacemen wear old diapers
In which they shit and pee.

Oh, the intergalactic laxative,
Will get you from here to there.
Relieve you and believe me,
Without a worry or care.
If shitting is your problem,
When you're out there in the stars,
Oh, the intergalactic laxative
Will get you from here to Mars.

They don't partake like you and I,
Of beefy burger mush.
Their food is specially prepared
To dissolve into slush.
Absorbed by multi-fibers
In the super diaper suit,
Otherwise the slush would trickle
Down inside the boot.

Oh, the intergalactic laxative,
Will get you from here to there.
Relieve you and believe me,
Without a worry or care.
If shitting is your problem
When you're out there in the stars,
Oh, the intergalactic laxative
Will get you from here to Mars.

You may well ask now what becomes
Of liquid they consume.
A pipe is led from penis head
To a unit in the room.
The water is recirculated,
Filtered for re-use.
In case of anti-gravity -
Pee gets on the loose.

Oh, the intergalactic laxative,
Will get you from here to there.
Relieve you and believe me,
Without a worry or care.
If shitting is your problem
When you're out there in the stars,
Oh, the intergalactic laxative
Will get you from here to Mars.

Wherever man has conquered,
On the quest for frontiers new,
(Da da da da)
I'm glad that he's always had to do
The number one and two.
It makes it all so ordinary,
Just like you and me,
To know the greatest heroes,
They had to shit and pee.

The intergalactic laxative
Will get you from here to there,
For cosmic constipation
There's none that can compare.
If shitting is your problem
When you're out there in the stars,
Oh, the intergalactic laxative,
The intergalactic laxative,
The intergalactic laxative,
Will get you from here to Mars.

Janna said...

Subtorp77: Actually, it is possible, once in a great while, to encounter a frozen dinner which looks like the picture on the box. It's a rare treat, but it does happen.
(Potato chips and ice cream? Seriously? Really?)

Jamie: If I had to choose, I'd rather have the trifocals!

Grace: Wow.... !!

Shelli said...

I hate that thing about cats. It's even worse when it gets in your mouth and nose. pth..pth...Achoo!

subtorp77 said...

@Grace, I'm wondering if "Interplanet Janet" had this problem...

Janna oh yes! I prefer the plain baked Lays chips and vanilla ice cream...just enough salt & sweet. But then again, I do come up with some weird food combos....

Janna said...

Subtorp77: Potato chips and ice cream.... Wow. Actually that sounds like something my mother would like. She's into all sorts of freaky weird contrasts like that. I'll have to ask....
P.S. Oooh, oooh, I remember Interplanet Janet! Here she is!

Janna said...

Shelli: Exactly! Pth! Pth pth ptthh!

subtorp77 said...

Janna, HA! Thanks! I found that last week on another search. One of my favourites! Working on a poem of my freakish eating habits( bring the TUMS! )

Janna said...

Subtorp77: Really? What rhymes with "burp"? (slurp?)